How did YOU process and deal with the anger after a DV relationship?

[Questionqueen]

How did you deal with the pure anger and resentment for the person who abused you after you left?

I fear this is going to eat me up alive.

I'm not sure I really have yet, but I'm a lot less angry than I was when we first broke up (6 years ago).

I'm trying to see it as a (rather horrific) life experience where I'm now able to give advice to others who are in the situation I used to be in.

I also like to remind myself that he didn't win - I'm not broken, he didn't defeat me, and my life is now my own.

Not well and it took a long time.

I had no support and was suffering from constant panic attacks, agoraphobia, anxiety and flashbacks. I also had a nervous cough and a twitch.

I tried therapy but the therapist wasn't good and made me feel worse, so I stopped. I didn't know about domestic abuse organisations so didn't contact one.

For a year I was completely numb and couldn't feel anything but I think that my mind was protecting me. For the next five years, I was in constant pain.

Eventually I forgot about it and didn't really think about it. About thirty years later, something triggered me and I started having almost constant flashbacks. I relived the relationship every day for about six years. I tried to get EMDR but couldn't get it.

I realised that I hadn't processed the relationship and still blamed myself. I then began to feel anger. Up until then I realised I hadn't felt anger because I thought everything was my fault.

I went through phases of feeling really angry at him. I began to despise him and even wished him dead. Even now I wouldn't be sad if I found out he was dead. I'm through the anger now and the flashbacks stopped earlier this year.

I am currently supporting my friend and her family who have experienced DV for the first time and I feel she is in a state of confusion even three months on. She doesn't seem angry for now, but she is nothing like how she used to be.

I have so much sympathy/empathy for sufferers of DV, but also feel that you all deserve so much more support because of the mental scars that continue to affect you and your families after the incident.

The police and DV teams were great to start with. She was contacted and offered support, but at the time she was in shock and didn't want it as she was still trying to recover from her injuries and support her kids. But now I feel she could do with the outside help and her case has been closed so she feels quite alone and unsupported.

I didn't feel angry more relieved and grateful that I got out.

When I suffered from bad anxiety CBT, meditation and hypnotherapy helped me learn to calm myself.

It's so hard and I'm so angry, though I'm not sure who at, him, the police or myself.
Then I go from being angry to feeling broken.
I have no advice, I just hope it gets better for you.

Well ladies, good morning and I'm sending you positive vibes. We're all on this together. Please reach out to GP and woman's aid for counselling tanga what I am going to do x

I don't think I did, it still makes me angry that he goes through life like it never happened, that people think he's this wonderful, kind, caring man. That he took my best years and made me a shadow of my former self, that he went round telling everyone it was my fault our marriage ended (omitting the bits where he hit me, strangled me etc.). I still hope that one day I'll be told he's dead (does that make me a bad person?).

I could destroy his perfect image but I won't because that's just revenge and I'm better than that. My best revenge is to move on and show the world he hasn't won (and to date super hot, intelligent men, something he definitely isn't).

This, everything you have said.