What school year is the toughest friendships wise and when does it become easier?

[Horseskeepmesane]

Son starts y3 tomorrow!! What year would you say is the most competitive/ social currency orientated at school? And what tips can you give me to support my son through this? He is a happy sociable boy but is not one of the loud, competitive ones.

In primary mid year 5 to end of year 6 for all of mine. They are all fed up with each other and need a change

in senior mid year 8- mid year 10. By the end of year 10 they should have settled down to GCSE’s and by year 11 they are a lot more mature. Year 9 IMO with 3 kids both boys and girls is the worst. 14 year olds just aren’t great.

I agree with the PP y 6 girls are awful 😞
high school I found y9 with my boys to be the worst my DD is just going into y9 and some of the girls are literal bitches .
luckily my DD has a small group of friends but mainly socialises with her riding friends and the range from 11-17 so a more diverse group

Year 8 girls
Year 9 boys

Y6 wasn't great, girls and boys.

Totally agree about primary. Year 5/6 is when differences in rates of social maturation seem most apparent imo. Some of them are getting into consumer culture, the opposite sex and inappropriate TV/video games etc, and some of them are still little kids. And none of them have the maturity to negotiate those social stratifications very nicely, so bullying is rife. Plus it's usually a very small pool of kids who have mostly known each other since age 4 or 5 and the cooler ones are keen to put space between their old identity and their new one. Parents are still very involved too, which can help smoothe the process but mostly makes it worse if anything.

I found Y7/8 and the grand redistribution of friendships was tough too. It's a bit like going to uni in that they spend the whole of their second year trying to shake off the friends they made in the heady rush of arriving in their first year, which can be hard if you're the kid being dumped. But Y9 onwards is OK provided they have at least one reliable friend.

I reckon Y3 should be fine. They're still diligent and eager to please for the most part, and there isn't too much obnoxiously gendered behaviour yet ime.

(I had boys if that's relevant.)

I think it probably depends on the child and the school, but agree, year 5-6 are tough ones. They're rapidly maturing out of primary, but aren't ready for the independence of high school, and they're all doing this at different rates which means they can't even really lean on each other in the same way. Day 1 child 1 and child 2 have similar interests etc and a week later one is into make up and the other one is still playing barbie, or one is allowed to go to the park alone and the other isn't and it's all just getting confusing.

It becomes easier when you go to college and don't have to be with people you don't gel with!

In terms of tips- I’ll give you three: diversification, diversification and diversification 🤣. Both in and out of school. Discourage very close, exclusive friendships and encourage them to be friendly with and spend time with, a number of children. Sports and music out of school mean they also make friends with kids from other schools where dynamics are probably different. Can be a critical lifeline if they suddenly find themselves a bit socially adrift at school.

Brilliant replies guys Thankyou!!! I also have a girl starting y1 so a way off y5 yet!! Already I can see the themes mentioned emerging in my son’s year, it is fascinating yet worrying also!!

I would say y5-y8, not all of those years, but a couple of them depending on the peer group.

Yes, I agree about encouraging out of school activities and friendships.

With my dds year 6 it started the worst was year 11.

Six from was fab

Year 9 is famously the worst year, just ask any teacher. They are in full hormonal hell poor things. Even my easiest going child was argumentative at 14.

We didn't have any issues with Y5-6 with our 3 DC but agree that generally they are straining at the leash in their final year anywhere (nursery, primary, secondary, college).

Agree with @LaPalmaLlama , diversification is the solution. At extracurricula activities they make friends who have more closely aligned interests and it can be a lifesaver when their school friendship groups fall apart.