Does a mother ever get to have a meltdown and walk out?

[SilverMuffin]

Reading some posts about challenges of parenting young children (lack of sleep, naughtie behaviour, fussy eating, aggression). Parents are tired and frustrated and the OP ends with how their partner walk out or threaten to walk out. The community then tells them to cut each other some slack due to tiredness and make up later, seek support etc.

Now, I was very lucky with DD in that she was an easy child and I was a single mother, so nobody to fall out with. But all of the load was mine, so walking out not an option.

Why are we so tolerant of men throwing a tantrum?

I've walked out for a couple of hours breather a couple of times when things have got frustrating at home and left kids and dh to it. When I come back all is calm and the situation has been diffused and we can carry on as we were.

I wouldn't say I threw a tantrum but definitely needed to make that space for everyone to calm down.

Well I'm a mother and I've done it. I presume because this is a women centric board then we will mostly hear about partners walking out and the impact of that rather than the viewpoint of those making an exit. Although I do remember starting a thread to discuss the issues I was having, I maybe didn't mention that I had gone for quite a long drive to get some headspace.

I wouldn't say I've thrown a tantrum and walked out, but I've definitely taken time away and left DH with DD for a little bit. It doesn't happen often as we work together well, but neither of us would tolerate the other storming out!!

I did this when DD was a toddler and I was very depressed. I felt like I couldn't take anymore. I lost my temper with DH and walked out, walking around the block crying in the dark. Then came back when I felt calmer.

Yes DS (now 11) has had a really hard couple
of years with anxiety and emotions and often it was best for me to take 10/15 minutes out to walk around the block and leave him to calm down as well. As we both came to terms with it with have better strategies in place but one is letting him have space and sometimes for me that is easier to do out of the hiuse and getting some air

never with DH though the stresses of parenting DS through this has been tough though and not easy and we are both aware of that

I did. For a few hours anyway, many years ago. This is outing but whatever.

Ex partner had been cheating relentlessly and was extremely abusive. DS had gone to stay with his aunt overnight and it was arranged she would drop him off in the morning. The morning of drop off his dad dropped the bombshell he'd been cheating with various men then went off to work (a 3 minute walk from where we lived) leaving me broken. I walked out and got on the next train out of town. I didn't have any solid plan just that I needed to get away for a few hours. I was sat on the train crying and switched my phone off.

Arrived at my destination about 3 hrs away and switched my phone on. Tons of messages from DS aunt (my exes sister) and my mum. She'd gone to drop off DS and found I wasn't home so she called my mum. They both panicked because I wasn't answering my phone and they couldn't get in the house, they looked through the curtain (bottom flat) and saw my duvet crumpled up and decided I must be under there having committed suicide ffs! So rather than get the key from ex (just up the road) they phoned the police to come to try kick the door in. It was so fucking stupid when they easily could have got the key.

Anyway after I switched my phone on the police called me saying they were looking for me because I'd abandoned my child. They said if I didn't come home immediately they'd be phoning social services. Now, have you EVER EVER EVER heard of them doing this to a man who has walked away??? I went crazy on the phone and told them to fuck off with their emotional blackmail and that DS had a perfectly capable father up the road who could take care of him. They then tell me that's not possible because he's working!! Oh fantastic, great. Women are expected to leave work at the drop of a hat because of various childcare issues but that's just fine, god forbid a man needs to leave work. I told them to fuck off and hung up.

I did go home on the next train. Ex had to leave work to pick up DS from his sister. Oh and no, social services weren't called because the police must have realised how fucking ridiculous they were being.

I feel fucking furious all over again having typed it up. Women aren't allowed to have a breakdown. We're not allowed to walk away, not even for a few hours. If we do we're stigmatised and treated like absolute shite.

OP if this was inspired by a thread posted yesterday I too was thinking the same thing as you. The man was threatening to walk and people were telling the OP it's easier being a single mother than dealing with a horrible partner, yes, very true but I wanted to advise her to pack a bag and fuck off first before he got the chance to!

I didn’t walk out for a long time but everything came to a head recently and I left the kids with my sister and got an emergency doctors appointment. I’m broke down and told her how overwhelmed I’m feeling, how much of a twat my ex is, money worries, and most importantly how much of an impact my 7 year olds behaviour is having on the rest of the family. She listened, prescribed anti depressants, talking therapy and put me in touch with the school nurse to discuss DDs behaviour.
I truly believe that breaking down and getting myself to the doctors saved my life that day.
When ex was depressed he just left and now lives alone with no worries 🙄

I waked out. Had a thread on here when I was sitting in the park. Was away an hour and a half tops. Of course wouldn't have done so if husband wasn't in.

I'm a mother and I've done it.

Hell, when ExH was at work on occasion I just walked to the bottom of the garden for a breather.

My kids are 24 now and not visibly harmed by it.

Sometimes people need a break. It's not always a tantrum.

I know it came out of a bad place @MsLavender but you sound kinda amazing!

DH and I often go out for a run in the evening. It does us lots of good to get out and away from the chaos of three sen children.

Thank you so much! It was such an awful time in my life but I am so glad I stuck up for myself and I hope it made them have a bit more compassion for the next woman going through a rough time. I wouldn't have minded had they said something along the lines of "it's okay if you're struggling, we can help you access some support but please come home to your little one" but the way they went about it was horrific!

What a story @MsLavender! I can't believe police treated you like that! Although you were great, the way you reacted: I was feeling furious myself on your behalf! You and OP are right, unfortunately, I agree.

I've done a mini version of it- felt totally overwhelmed and overstimulated by toddler and baby being on me, at me, all day long that as soon as DH came home I shut myself under the duvet and said they're all yours. I just needed to be alone without someone pulling at me, talking to me, touching me.
I've never yet felt tempted to leave the house like that, though I have intentionally arranged to be the one to run a minor errand minus children so I can be alone.

Ladies, it’s actually lovely to see how many of you have reliable partners who give you space when you need it. Thank you for sharing.

I think there is a big, BIG difference between taking yourself out of a difficult situation and going for 15 minute walk (what the majority of PPs are describing here) and fucking off out of the house and disappearing to the pub/friend's/parent's/OW for hours or even days, safe in the knowledge that the default parent will be there picking up the pieces (which plenty of men seem to think is perfectly normal behaviour). And when women do absent themselves for longer it is almost always due to a fairly serious MH crisis, not because they are feeling a bit fed up/frustrated/bored.

I know many women including myself who have walked out at the end of their tether.

I've just never started a thread about it.