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Original poster

Non show at party

15 replies

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 02/09/2024 10:55

So i had a party for my 9 year old daughter last week - it was low key, in the garden and about 7 children invited, we had a bouncy castle/hot dogs etc, so not hugely expensive.

Everyone confirmed they could come, i sent a few WhatsApp messages prior to remind people to bring swim stuff etc, message read by all.

One girl just didn't come - we waited for her to begin the party and then cracked on.

No apology from the mum either before or after, it's just so rude and i'm really tempted to send her a message calling her out (in a respectful way - ie it would have been appreciated if you'd let me know yada yada).

Through the grapevine, i know she's having a tough time with a divorce which is making me hold back - i don't want to add to her grief, however i also think that sending a quick message beforehand isn't too much to ask.

I sent a message after the party thanking people for coming, and still no message from her (she's read my message).

It's mainly her daughter i feel sad for as she was really excited about coming.

I'm not particularly fond of this mum, she's one of those who posts cryptic messages on Facebook - 'just arrived at A and E' and then doesn't elaborate on why, but feeds on all the sympathy messages - so it wouldn't be a loss to me if she she takes my message to her in the wrong way.

AIBU to send her a polite message asking her why she didn't let me know her daughter wasn't coming, or should i just leave it?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 02/09/2024 10:57

Just leave it, it was rude of her not to let you know but there is nothing to be achieved by mentioning it.

MidYearDiary · 02/09/2024 10:57

I would leave it. But then, I wouldn't have waited for her to start the party either.

rainbowstardrops · 02/09/2024 11:00

It's rude of her not to have let you know but what will you achieve by hearing an excuse?
I'd leave it personally

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TheClawDecides · 02/09/2024 11:01

Let it go, otherwise you'll make yourself look a bit intense given that this happened last week.

It was rude of her, but some people are just rude.

rainbowunicorn · 02/09/2024 11:06

Stuff like this happens all the time. I wouldn't give it another thought. You don't know what's going on in her life so just put it behind you. Seems a bit much to be going on about a kid not showing at a party a week later.

SproodleDoodle · 02/09/2024 11:12

This used to drive me nuts but sadly it's not unusual. Some people are very rude, and not replying to invitations / bringing uninvited siblings / not saying thank you is normal for them. I also think it can be a cultural thing... hosting my kids' parties was a real eye opener for me!
Don't say anything but just make sure you bring your own children up to show good manners and gratitude.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 02/09/2024 11:55

I really think you should leave it.

Either she’s having a terrible time of it, in which case God only knows what she’s coping with and a text like that might just be the thing that tips her over the edge. Or, she’s really rude, in which case a text isn’t going to change anything or cause her to see the error of her ways. There’ll just be another mysterious fb post along the lines of ‘When you’re going through a rough time and someone sends you spiteful texts 😢’ Don’t feed into that.

What’s the point of introducing unnecessary conflict into your life when it’s not going to change or achieve anything? It won’t make you feel better for longer than two minutes and is either going to be awful for her or water off a duck’s back. Just let it go. It didn’t ruin your DD’s party and I’m sure any extra catering can be incorporated into normal meals.

Sapphire387 · 02/09/2024 11:58

You don't know the full extent of what's going on in her life but you know she's having a tough time.

Please leave it. Count yourself lucky if someone not showing at a kids' birthday party is the worst of your worries.

Waterboatlass · 02/09/2024 11:59

Leave it now. Fair enough to ask if all's well and they're still coming on the day but not really a week later.

CocoPlum · 02/09/2024 11:59

You've got 54 responses on your other thread, you might want MNHQ to delete this one ...

Rhaidimiddim · 02/09/2024 12:02

Hoppinggreen · 02/09/2024 10:57

Just leave it, it was rude of her not to let you know but there is nothing to be achieved by mentioning it.

Agreed 100%. Having a tough time going thru a divorce, anythi g could have happened. The DD might not even be with her mum, and newly divorced dads are notorious for blasting thru plans.8

Elektra1 · 02/09/2024 12:03

Perhaps the mum simply forgot? When I was going through my divorce I was not myself - regularly forgot things, work meetings, parties I'd accepted invitations for, all sorts.

bakewellbride · 02/09/2024 12:05

Just leave it. These annoying people are just an inevitable part of organising kids parties unfortunately. I had 2 of them when it came to my son's 6th party.

pizzaHeart · 02/09/2024 12:07

Whothefuckdoesthat · 02/09/2024 11:55

I really think you should leave it.

Either she’s having a terrible time of it, in which case God only knows what she’s coping with and a text like that might just be the thing that tips her over the edge. Or, she’s really rude, in which case a text isn’t going to change anything or cause her to see the error of her ways. There’ll just be another mysterious fb post along the lines of ‘When you’re going through a rough time and someone sends you spiteful texts 😢’ Don’t feed into that.

What’s the point of introducing unnecessary conflict into your life when it’s not going to change or achieve anything? It won’t make you feel better for longer than two minutes and is either going to be awful for her or water off a duck’s back. Just let it go. It didn’t ruin your DD’s party and I’m sure any extra catering can be incorporated into normal meals.

That’s ^ the perfect strategy imo.

And if you are not close to her you might be the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on hence her messages on FB are cryptic to you.

Original poster
Iwishicouldflyhigh · 03/09/2024 07:59

All, apologies for delay in updating, I accidentally posted in Aibu as well.

I messaged the mum and she said as nice weather they went out for the day instead!!

eye opener, that’s for sure!

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