I have ASD in addition to some other conditions (quite severe social anxiety and a neurological pain condition which is managed with meds - the pain condition not the social anxiety, meds didn’t help whatsoever). I am capable of doing physical things but I have a limited energy pool. We don’t have children after much long thought, due to my disability. I’m not able to work, every job ends in severe burnout. I envy people who can work, it makes me feel useless. I used to do self-employed online which I could handle but over the past few years things have really dried up. I don’t handle working with others at all, the anxiety is extreme and debilitating.
My husband works full time, from home if that matters at all to this. Right now I do all of the cooking, hoovering, mopping, dusting, garden work, and cleaning up after the dogs. My husband does the washing up, bins, bathroom, and cat litter tray. We share laundry.
I’m feeling like I should be doing more. My husband is really supportive of me and never makes me feel badly for not working, although he does get stressed at work and that makes me feel guilty. He never mentions chores either, this is entirely me. He’s happy with our marriage and the status quo. He loves my companionship and he loves my cooking! These things make him very content.
Part of me I think is afraid to end up like my mother - doing everything even after my father retired, with my father being waited on hand and foot like a king. If I start doing everything, I don’t want to start this sort of precedent where it’s expected forever more and I feel like a house elf. At the same time, I recognise that my husband is not my father and I am not my mother. So perhaps a conversation to rework chores at that stage would be ok and I’m worrying over nothing? What does MN think? Should the non-working partner take care of the housework 100%?