Help/advice needed for 6 week old baby

[CarlyWO]

I'm new here and new to being a mum so please be kind! My daughter is 6 weeks old tomorrow and I feel like I'm going out of my mind. I'm a British mum but I live in Turkey and there is no postpartum support here at all. You're just released from the hospital and expected to go it alone. I'm really looking for some support and suggestions on what to do, my baby is incredibly difficult and fussy, she's never content and I just don't know what to do anymore. She won't be put down, even 5 minutes away from me and she's screaming blue murder. She won't spend longer than 5 minutes on the playmat, doesn't want to look at the contrast cards. Won't go in her bouncer, won't go in her pram unless she's fast asleep and then I have to be constantly walking at a good speed to keep her asleep. It's very difficult to get her in her next2me crib at night and needs to sleep on me for at least an hour before I can transfer her over at around 11pm. She then wakes for feeds every couple of hours and goes straight back down but then by 6am she's needing to be held again. During the day she has to be held all the time against my chest and even then she's squirming and pushing away (but won't be put down), will only nap like that, and will only go to sleep by me walking around and bouncing for 20 minutes and then it's hit and miss as to whether she stays asleep. She also won't go in a sling which would have been such a help. We're breastfeeding which has been really hard to navigate all by myself, I thought we were making good progress but this week she's been overly fussy and not wanting to eat properly. She's having the right amount of wet/dirty nappies and is gaining weight well which is a consolation. I feel confined to my apartment because I can't take her anywhere without her screaming, I haven't been able to clean since before she was born which is also causing me to feel more stressed and can barely shower or make food for myself. I can't spend time with anyone so feeling very isolated. My husband works nights and has to sleep in the daytime and none of my family are around. Am I doing something wrong? Please please help.

Oh OP you’re not doing anything wrong, you are doing amazing. My daughter was exactly the same, she’s 5 months old now and is a bit better, she’s just a clingy baby. It is so hard I totally understand. Have you tried a wrap type sling? I found she preferred that as it still felt she was right up against me and allowed me some hands free time, but also remember it is okay to put them down and give yourself 5 minutes. As long as you put them down somewhere safe, 5 mins of being unsettled while you have a coffee, sit down and just breathe, does no harm. Are there any baby groups near you? X

Thank you so much! No, she won't go in a sling at all unfortunately.

Thank you so much! No she won't go in a sling at all unfortunately.

It's sooo tough isn't it. Those first 6 weeks are hellish.. it's like being stuck at Glastonbury festival for weeks at a time, it's so full on, messy and knackering. And breastfeeding is utterly relentless! You cannot be expected to do any housework for at least the first 6 weeks. No one does! I don't think that it helps that you are in Turkey and that your husband works nights though. Are there any relatives that can help you? Can you go on an expats forum for people with kids? Incidentally, there's not a huge amount of support in the UK after the first two weeks. It's great that your baby is gaining weight. You're clearly managing, even if it doesn't feel like it. Basically if your baby is gaining weight at this stage, that is as much as you can hope to achieve.

Btw, it does get easier after the first 6 weeks! Hang on in there. What you have described is pretty normal.

Six weeks is super young.

Can you co sleep and feed on your side, so you're not sitting up with her on you?

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/ rules for safe co sleeping

Are you in a city? Are there any ex pats you could hang out with? Isolation as a new mother is really hard.

Get husband to hold baby while you wash and have some time to yourself. Yes, he might need sleep but so do you, he might have to get by with a bit less. He can also cook and clean, you know. Those aren't your jobs exclusively.

Going out - honestly your baby's cry is much more noticeable to you than anyone else. Try just going around the block for five minutes each day to build up your confidence.

You could also ask someone from home to come out to help.

Sounds like you are doing fantastic and everything right by the way. My first baby was like this and I didn't leave the house for the first six weeks either 😳.

She's a whopping 17 year old now and I have to wake her up sometimes. It feels like forever when your stuck in those baby days but they do grow so fast.

I did read a really good book. Which helped explain why babies can be so clingy it was really great. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fussy-Baby-Book-William-Sears/dp/0007332149?dplnkId=e381009a-b2a7-4eac-9e0d-523581a79aef
It's not so much of a manual like other parenting books, but more helps to explain why some babies are like this and gives you some tools to try and help.