How do I encourage my 8 year old son to not always be late?

[Runninglatetoday]

DS is cheerful, enjoys school and activities. But I struggle to get him up or out the house or garden (the latter any time of day) on time. No issues with demand avoidance and he is very happy when out, just not prioritizing getting ready and I don’t want to end up hurrying or shouting.

This morning I woke him, his uniform was out. I came to get him to leave and he was still in his Pyjamas playing with his pet mice. Yesterday we had to leave the house at 11 to meet friends at a swimming pool. DS went down the garden to quickly get something and came back 15 minutes later with mud up to his knees. It is this sort of thing every day. No major issues, but we always seem to tip from calm to rushing. Not overscheduled or over tired. Energetic and enthusiastic about most things.

Any tips to get him to prioritize getting ready and then do whatever he wants, so we aren’t always scrambling.

I wouldn’t ‘encourage’ him not to be late, I would be telling him very firmly that if he’s not ready on time for swimming or whatever then he’s not going. Then follow through!

At 8 he’s not managing the time, you are. You need to be more assertive and go and get him and lead him by the hand if necessary.

DS2 is 8. DS1 is 11. They both still need regular reminders. Of the shout up the stairs ‘how are you doing?’ Rather than anything more dramatic. DS2 is a past-master of ‘sorry, I got distracted’ so we nudge him gently along.

In the morning can he get dressed in the bathroom? He can't mess around in his room if he's not in there. Focus on getting him downstairs.

Don't leave him alone to mess around. If you've got to stand over him while he gets dressed to make sure he does it then that is what you'll have to do.

Don't let him out in the garden. He wants to go and get something? Tough should have done that earlier it's time to get shoes on and stand by the door ready to go.

You need to be much more on top of this, I’m afraid. You know he is easily distracted, so you need to keep him on task.

I know people bandy diagnoses on here with reckless abandon. Sorry about that, but here goes:

My son was exactly the same. How he got to 20 before getting a diagnosis of ADHD is ridiculous, looking back. He’s not hyperactive in the slightest, he just has a very busy head and the world distracts him from tasks because it’s so damned interesting.

DS honestly intended to be on time; it wasn’t naughtiness or failing to listen by the time he was 8. It was that his head jumped to a million other things and he got distracted.

He was a bit of a dreamer - could be sitting on his bed with a sock half on, looking off into the distance as he thought about something, or trying to teach the cat to jump into the washing basket. He needed calling back to the task at hand.

I used 5 minutes alerts - it was tedious checking in on each stage of the process, but it did mean we could leave on time.

I agree with everyone else that you just need to be more present

Also - what works for us is basically nothing exciting happens until you are dressed. The only things in the kids' bedrooms are clothes, books and quiet toys like puzzles. They don't get breakfast before they get dressed. Sort of bores then into it

I think your expectations are too high.

If you know you need to leave at a certain time then you need to be on top of him to make sure he's ready - you can't just leave him to get on with it for 10-15 minutes.

So for example when he was in the garden - you should have gone to check on him after five minutes, or asked him what he needed and gone to get it yourself.

The same applies in the morning - don't just give him his stuff and then disappear for ages. You need to be standing there and supervising, or at the very least checking in on him every few minutes to make sure he's not distracted.

It's not forever but don't keep setting him up to fail by leaving him to do it when he's made it clear he's not ready.

Thank you all. Will try more direct supervision with getting ready. It was a deliberate move to step back and let him have more responsibility, but it clearly isn’t working. It is creating unnecessary stress points. Will also put his clock on the wall so it is more visible. If things don’t improve I will check out ADHD. I did just look up the criteria and he does not meet the majority, so I suspect it may just be needing more supervision for these basic tasks.

Some kids just take a while to develop temporal awareness - if there’s a clock nearby, check if he’s conscious of how long 5 mins actually feels.

It can also help to work backwards - ‘if we need to leave at 11, how long should each step take so we have plenty of time’ then use that as your start point. On a clock face, deduct each step so he can see when he should have completed each task by.

Keep it simple and he’s more likely to succeed. He’ll also feel less stressed if he’s more in control. Good luck!