At 44 it’s time I stopped hating myself

[Decoratingdilema]

I don’t know really what’s happened to make my mind shift. I am a 44 year old mum of twins (5). I’m a size 16/18 and for pretty much all of my life I’ve hated how I look, I’ve had zero self confidence and had anxiety for as long as I can remember.

But just recently my mindset is changing. I absolutely hate how I dress, I live in leggings and a t-shirt but this has got to change. I have to accept myself in this body, love myself this way, rather than not allowing myself to love me until I’m at a “acceptable” weight.

so I’ve booked an appointment with a stylist for a few weeks time. I want a whole new wardrobe that fits me now, not when I lose weight. I will always strive to be the best version of myself, but I need to start by embracing me now.

im not really looking for responses but if anyone else feels like this and wants to join me on a journey of self loving discovery - which is bound to be a bumpy road, then feel free to hop on too

Fab idea! I find it a struggle to love the way that I look. I teach my daughter to be confident and love herself but can’t do the same for myself! Size 16-wishing I was a 12-14!

I have 2 girls and I’m so body positive with them but it’s just crazy that I expect them to do it but can’t do it myself.

Good on you!

I have put a lot of weight on going from an 8to a 12/14 in a few years. I realised a few months ago I hadn’t bought myself new Clothes, almost like a punishment or to make myself look worse.

i have since done what you intend and have bought myself a new capsule wardrobe of nice things. It feels so good to have something nice to put on!

I hope you enjoy it to, you deserve it.

i am still working on my confidence but enjoy the new clothes!

Thank you!

over last 10 years it’s been a roller coaster, 5 rounds of IVF, a very complicated twin pregnancy, NICU stays, poorly children (all ok now). My body will never be the same, I have an apron from my c section (which came as the biggest shock 😂😂) but this body also gave me my 2 amazing children.

Good for you:) twin mum here too. It can feel like twins take everything from you... sounds like you need some time to treat yourself and feel like you again. Relatable post.

Do you have the 'action for happiness ' app? Its free and gives you uplifting short advice... it's the only app whose notifications I like! This month is 'self care September ' on the app hence mentioning it

Do it OP! You get one short life - very important to live it. I hope your appointment is brilliant and you see how beautiful you are, right now, not in some imagined future where everything will be better even you’re a size x.

When I was 44, I felt so big and frumpy…I have hirsutism so have a lot of dark chin hair I deal with constantly, I had piled on weight with being anemic after heavy periods, had bad teeth (genetic)…I felt so down and realised most of my life had been not feeling good enough, thin enough, any enough. I met my DH at 44…he made me realise he saw this completely different me - he saw me as beautiful, found my curves irresistible, my smile captured his heart (it hides my teeth too lol), he has never mentioned my chin or my wobbly bits but shows every day he loves my company and loves me.

So OP, I think your ideas sound fabulous and I will join you in celebration of us and our bodies. What are you thinking about clothes wise?

God that comment about not loving yourself until you're at an acceptable weight has really resonated. My DM put such emphasis on my weight from a young age and I've always struggled with my self-esteem as a result. I've been every size from 8 to 18. It's time to love myself right now.

This absolutely resonated with me. I was a size 8/10 (I’m short) until about 3 years ago. Now I’m a 12/14, which isn’t big but I have a double chin and chunky upper arms and I never feel beautiful anymore. I look at old photos and just wish I was like that. I only bought clothes in charity shops because I didn’t deserve new things.
inspired by you, this changes now.
DH and my DD tell me I look lovely. People take to me, I have great friends. I think other women of many sizes are beautiful. Now I need to feel like that about myself, now and not conditional on me losing 2 stone!

thats so true - they literally take everything for you. I’m trying to get better at making time for myself but it’s hard

thank you for the podcast recommendation, I’ll take a look at that now xx

Same here, I’ve got a really difficult relationship with my mum for similar reasons. I was very overweight from around the age of 6 and have never really got my weight under control.

@Decoratingdilema I was slim in my younger days but that was always caveated with the "make sure you don't get fat" mantra so that even when I was thin, I'd still feel shit. As Philip Larkin said, they fuck you up, your Mum and Dad.

I found it pretty liberating to realise I don't actually have to love the look of every part of my body. Some bits are just fine. But I love my body as a whole and I can appreciate each bit that does what it's supposed to do and be grateful for that and care more about that than how it looks.

OP I'm with you.
Every time I have a photograph taken I think I look like utter shit.
Then I look back a few years later and think 'oh I thought I looked shit but I didn't'
Been like that for 20 years.
So does that mean I do actually look ok at the moment? Perhaps but I really am starting to fall apart with age. And it's too late to 'enjoy' being young and lovely.

So my advice is to be in the now and assume you look great!

Totally agree! After having my twins every single photo of me was glowing, I was slimmer than I am now, my skin looked just amazing but I still probably thought I was fat 🙄

My girls had a lot of health problems when they were younger and you can see the toll it took on me, constant stress and worry as well as getting into my 40’s being peri menopausal, low cortisol levels. It’s been a bit of a nightmare. But we are where we are and I’m 44 now and have to accept that I’m aging but rather than sit about and hate myself I’ve decided to try and love myself just a bit more and have a wardrobe that reflects the fact that I’m a 44 year old mum of twins, I’ve been through hell and back but I know myself more than ever. I’m a company secretary and now I need to start dressing like one 👊🏻

I really reasonate with your post. I’m 44 too but my twins are nine. So a bit further down the track. I’ve recently lost a stone, picked up yoga / self care. Not skinny but am now a 14 and look more like the myself I remember. It’s absolutely possible.

Little update, nothing much to say except I'm about 3 weeks out from my personal styling appointment - it seems sooo long ago since I booked it.

I'm still trying to stay positive but it's a work in progress. I talk a good talk but putting into practice is another thing altogether isn't it.

anyway not much of an update but hopefully this time next month I'll have started on my new wardrobe - it will either go 2 ways, I'll feel absolutely fabulous or I'll fall into a pit of despair when I realise everything looks shit on me even with a stylist helping me 😂😂

Like I say it's a work in progress 😁

Let us know how it goes. I’m 45 in a couple of weeks and tempted to try personal shopping in a bid to recognise myself in this moonfaced and matronly shell!