Why are my partners siblings trying to compete

[PeachesForPeaches]

Can someone please tell me what is going on! Came away from a weekend away with them a few weeks ago and the dynamic really changed.

Name changed as I don’t want it to be outing.

My fiancé and I live abroad and made a trip back to the U.K. at the start of the month. We adore his DSis and her partner. We rented a cottage with them for a long weekend to get together. first time we’ve seen each other after 1 year.

The entire time, they bragged about everything. They went on and on about money and how much they earn - comparing all we have with what they do.

My fiancé comes from a very competitive family so that could be why. We are a few years older than them and I’ve always noticed they look up to us a bit and Dsis in particular will copy a lot of things I do/buy. Fiancés parents said we set a great example when we were younger (we’ve all been together since we were young).

Fiancé and I are planning our wedding and everything I said about the planning, they said they’ll do it better when it’s their time (they aren’t engaged yet!). It really upset me.

They recently moved into a 3 bed house and it’s really nice. Far nicer than what we are able to rent in our very expensive foreign city. They kept going on and on about how much we’d love living in their house and how amazing it was in comparison to our flat.

They know we are saving to buy a home back in the U.K. and were asking about what sort of thing we’d like to buy and where. I told them, and again, they said what they wanted to buy (and could afford) would be even better and bigger than us. It was just all so weird.

my fiancé and I are grateful for everything we have. We work hard and earn a good living. I just don’t know why all of a sudden the dynamic has changed and they behaved like that. It was awkward and I’ve been upset for weeks about it now. I love them to bits and usually live spending time with them!

what do I do and how can I handle this going forward?

I’m prepared to be told I am being too sensitive too. I think I’m finding the wedding planning a bit tricky and not in the best headspace about it. So maybe I just took it all to heart!

Seems like insecurity to me. M I’d just stop talking to them about my plans

Sounds like they are trying really hard to impress you but are too young to realise that the boasting is tedious.

Yes this could be it. I asked my fiancé if he’d noticed it too, and he said yes but he thought it was all harmless!

Totally agree with the person who said it's insecurity on their part. Maybe they're jealous that you live abroad, even if your flat is small! The dynamic between you is probably going to change again over time as circumstances keep changing.

People who behave like this are usually insecure for some reason - otherwise they wouldn’t feel the need to go on about how much better everything they have or do is. They wouldn’t feel the need to have to impress you.

Easier said than done, I know, but just smile and say, ‘How nice!’
FGS don’t let them see they are getting to you - it’s probably what they want.

You say they’re a ‘competitive family’. They were competing.

If you have any future discussions, just tell them that what they're suggesting is not in your opinion better, it's just different. My answer would be "oh god no, I wouldn't want THAT!!" They're clearly baiting you. Please don't fall into the trap of feeling insecure about probable jealousy or pettiness on their part. And I wouldn't discuss your arrangements with them going forward. About anything. And any comments from them about what you do finally arrange e.g. regarding your wedding, should be met with a very firm "Oh no, not my kind of thing... I'd much rather have " They don't sound competitive to me... they sound like bitches !!!!! Nip it in the bud.... or you're in for a lifetime of their put downs!!! I have SILs like these ..... but I learned to relish in their jealousy, and take no crap from them !!!

oSeems they are unhappy in their own skins and very insecure. You'll just have to keeo them at arms length, ignore the pettiness.

They do seem very insecure but that doesn't mean you have to listen to this. If someone said 'oh you'd love our house, it's so much better than yours' I would either say 'what an odd thing to say, I adore our flat' or 'did you mean to be so rude' - depending on their tone.

Or shut it all down with a tinkly laugh and 'goodness, I was taught it was rude to talk about money over dinner. Have you seen the new Nicole Kidman thing on Netflix' and do that every time.

Jealousy, insecurity, ... or maybe finally had enough of you being the Golden Couple that "everyone looks up to" and trying, even in a rather immature way, to assert that they are also adults making Big Plans and Good Choices.

Is your partner the Golden Boy of the family and favoured over the sister by his parents? Could explain a lot.

My fiancé comes from a very competitive family so that could be why.

Well, yes.

There is Two things going on here. A little bit of jealousy from their end and they sense you're on edge about planning your big life event- so dig in further. ( If that's their stance that seems them as Toxic)..... I know it's cool for extended family to all mingle happily but...............

I agree with PP re 'tinkly laugh' - it says so much and is useful in a variety of situations. I'd also pair with a "well, SURE, if that's what you WANT..." with a hint that they are just crazy for whatever they are going to waste their money on. For any anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better conversations. Or just start humming the tune....
They are def jealous of you and competitive in life.