His sad look when I can’t understand him

[Nagatha]

My toddler is trying so hard with speaking after a little bit of a late start. He’s doing really well but obviously doesn’t quite get words right every time and it breaks my heart to see how sad he looks when hes desperately trying to say something and I’m not getting it.

last night he got in the bath and started saying “eemee” over and over. I’ve never heard him say that and there was nothing around that I could see that he might have been trying to name. For example if he’d said “dutle” I’d figure out he wanted his toy turtle.
The look on his face when I kept failing to work it out was so sad. It made me feel like I was really letting him down when he was making such an effort.

Eventually I just started playing with him to change the subject.

What do you normally do in that situation? Just ignore and move on?

Can he learn some signing to go along with his speech? You can learn it together… used to be called makaton but maybe called signalong now?

Could you try saying show me?
Let him point to what he wants and then you repeat the word.
If he points to the bubbles, you say "oh the bubbles, bubbles, can you say bubbles"
I did this with DD, it was a long time ago, things may have changed and other mns may have a better idea 😁
This obviously won't work if he doesn't want an actual object.

Is it possible that you are getting a bit too anxious about his speech -- either because of the slightly late start or because of over-empathising with his possible frustration ?

If so, then you might, in your own mind, be slightly exaggerating any distress or frustration he might be feeling. Or you might even be adding a little bit of unnecessary tension to the interaction, if your ds sees that you are a bit too invested in his need to make himself understood.

None of that is a criticism btw. It's just how things can get if you are a loving mother. I would think that one way forward is to stay as chilled as possible. If after a couple of attempts you still aren't understanding him, perhaps just encourage any natural flow away onto other topics or games.

This. Don’t get so stressed about it, OP. It’s a completely normal developmental stage, not some kind of crisis.

I would have to distract as my youngest would get quite frustrated when I didn't get it. I might say "oh yes eemee, and here's Mr rubber ducky" and move on.

That’s exactly how kids learn to speak though, the motivation, so people can understand them.

I’d be careful about signing, getting them to point etc. I had one with speech issues and was advised against this as it then gave them zero motivation to do the speech work their brain/mouth muscles etc needed to. So, the kid basically made up their own sign language and garbled speak. Because siblings, other people learnt what they meant when they did certain things, nonsensical words it was exactly as the paediatric professionals said - they thought ‘why bother with anything else’. Then we all had to go through a really painful period of PRETENDING we had no idea what they wanted/needed to make them do the work required for proper speech. It was hard enough for adults but I still remember berating their young siblings who were insistent ‘but I DO know what they want’ (DH/me: no you don’t because they’ve not said it), and trying to manage them with it all. Utter. Nightmare.

You don't have to understand every word he says, you shouldn't expect to. Babies babble, we don't understand anything, but we still talk back to them. It sounds like your panic is what is making him upset. Just keep talking to him. "Yes, eemee, let's look at this insert inanimate object here".

All of the above, plus I also tell them that I don't understand but that's OK, we'll work it out but I know it's hard.

Children understand more of what we say than we think, even when they're still, so I think it's important to acknowledge that and acknowledge that you know they're trying and you're sorry you can't get what they mean just yet.

"show me" is very useful. Praise is also good "I hear you that's really good!"

Eemee could it be wee wee?

This isn't a baby though.

I've got a 23 month old with no words yet and HV asked me to try getting him signing. I've got deaf parents so would be easier for me but he's got zero interest. After reading your post I'm kind of glad, anything that stops him trying to talk is a no imo. Though same HV also told me I'd stunted his speech by letting him have 1 bottle before bedtime 🙄

I have a DC who is 4.5 and in speech and language therapy and it will come that you know everything your child is saying even if other people aren't getting it.

@HoppingPavlova we have to do this to encourage speech eg if he wants crisps he has to ask us for the crisps and not point and I had to become a bit like I wasn't listening to encourage him to speak up for himself. However in this kind of situation where he is trying to speak and repeatedly saying the word and getting frustrated we were told to ask him to show us. Once he showed us we would say the word so he could hear how it was supposed to be said and not draw attention to him saying it wrong. This could just be specifically for my little shyer child who is pretty sensitive about his speech though and repeatedly not being understood would make him clam up and not try to talk.

Makaton is not a sign language it is a system used by people with cognitive disabilities.

Apart from that OP using a few signs might help.

In contrast to @HoppingPavlova I had a friend who's two year old wouldn't speak, he would point or go up to things like the cupboard DVDs were kept and tap it.

She was given a couple of signs by the speech therapist, her little boy had to say or sign what he wanted. It was as if something clicked in his head and he realised speaking was easier than signing.

I just say "show mummy" if I don't understand.

Usually I can figure it out eventually but my DH and mum are slower to pick up what he's saying. I remember the day my 2.5 yr old was sooo happy I figured out what he said.
But of course, it's how they learn to talk so it's just what you have to go through.

Yeah I would also read ‘eemee’ as ‘I’ve pissed in the bath’ 🤣

My youngest grandchild has some speech delay. When we saw them at Easter they didn't really have any words at all, at over 2 years old. Just 3 months later they can say short sentences (more chips please mummy). Diction isn't great, but is mostly understandable and, when it isn't, their mum just says she is sorry she doesn't understand and moves things on. The main thing is that their language is coming along really quickly, so you may not have to worry for too long.

Let us know when you find out what emee means!

I would try for simple signs, you say the word along with the sign every time. My ds had a speech delay as well as a speech sound disorder. Life would have been much much harder without the signs, also they can manipulate their hands earlier than they can mouths/tongues so the signs can act as a supplement and certainly don't hinder speech. They just ease frustration at not being able to communicate and give you clues as the adult. He didn't speak properly at 2 at all. Don't worry he'll get there but signs won't do any harm and are fun too!

My dd didn't really bother talking much at that age, she just grunted or kicked off and we worked it out from there.

She did have a brother to translate though. She just cba. Talks enough now though.

Hi OP. My son (now 19) had delayed speech and was fairly unintelligible when he did start to speak. At 3 this was investigated and it turned out he had had undiagnosed glue ear for a year or so when very young. This had impacted his speech but it had resolved naturally leaving him able to make the later speech sounds but not the earlier ones. He had managed by lip reading. He had speech and language input for 4 years (mainly done by school) and by 7 years old was absolutely fine and was discharged. At 3 years he would get very frustrated as he thought he was making the right sounds but no one could understand him. We did a lot of behaviour management and encouraging him to show what he wanted and repeating words back to him. We also took him to different playgroups etc to encourage him to talk to others. There were no lasting effects and he is absolutely fine now.

Could he have been trying to say "it's me!" If there was nothing else around? Maybe he could see himself in a mirror or reflection?

Thank you all for the replies and apologies if it seemed like I'd abandoned my own thread. I just wanted to take time to read everything properly before responding.
I do try not to make a big deal of it, or show any panic when I can't understand him. I get him to repeat it a few times then just change the subject because I don't want him to start getting stressed about it. It really is just that little sad puppy look when he realises I don't get it that kills me.
I do try show me, but he doesn't really do it. I think I'm going to try and start working that more into normal chatting with him though so it becomes more natural for him to try and point to something.

I did laugh at it being about peeing in the bath, which it could easily be but at the moment he seems to think all of those bodily functions are called Poo.

We do know do a little bit of Makaton. They use it at nursery so I've tried to teach myself a few things but I think I tend to agree with the posters who have warned about using it too much.

There's been some really useful tips which I appreciate here, and made me consider maybe I'm giving off more "panic" than I realise so I'll make sure to keep a check on my own reactions when I'm in this situation next time.

If I ever work out what Eemee is, I'll let you know 😁

Apparently when I was little I told my mum I needed mooga mooga. Not a clue they tried everything pointing, is it this, show mummy, are you hungry, thirsty etc. nope nothing. I was quite frustrated because I didn't get the mooga mooga.
About 2 weeks later I fell and grazed my knee and my dad cleaned it up and put some antiseptic cream on it saying, this magic ointment will make it better. I nodded saying yes mooga mooga would make it better. Both my parents did the whole Ah of course it's mooga mooga magic ointment. This phrase went down in family history and antiseptic cream was forever known as mooga mooga.
Fast forward many years and I was working as a manager with 30 staff and liked to think I was professional until ......., one of my staff cut his hand a bit nothing to serious and we had antiseptic wipes at work which he used. Without giving it ( clearly) any thought at all I said " oh and I've got some mooga mooga here" . He said " you've got what?" Only then did I realise what I'd actually said apparently out loud oops 😅. Trying to bluff my way out didn't work as he and then the rest of my team had heard me . 😂