Am I inadvertently leading them on ?

[Rhinohorn]

Long time Married. I'm a v bubbly person. No intentions to openly flirt. I often say double entendres. But if you know me, then you know that's just me. These are said in front of DH as there is nothing in it. I'm Always up for a laugh. Been described as a "geezer bird". Not because of my looks but because I can be a bit of "one of the lads". I'm average looking, imo, but have a great figure which is considered quite sexy. Again, imo, I never ever blow my own trumpet. In fact, I have (mild) body dismorphia and loathe my looks in many ways.

2 of DHs best mates have made passes at me. 2 guys at work have also done this. DH knows nothing about this. I've embarrassingly said its not appropriate to all of them. All but 1 of them have told me in detail what they want to do to me sexually.

Why ? Just why ? I don't want any of this attention. Christ knows if one of the wives saw one of their messages to me. I've only replied to say it's not appropriate.

I don't want to be the object of desire for any bloke except DH. Why do I attract all this ?

Your double entendres are giving them the wrong impression and I suspect your great figure is showcased beautifully (nothing wrong with that). Without realising it, you are doing something very like flirting if it is not flirting.

Even if you are flirting, decent people know not to make passes at their mate’s wife, let alone send explicit messages! They sound like sleazy creeps

Tbh I think you are being a bit disingenuous:
double entendres signal that you are sexually tuned in and if you are using them often it signals you are thinking about sex a lot. So some men will take it you are giving out signals that you are up for sex. What is difficult to understand about that? Especially when you describe yourself as " bubbly" and with a " sexy figure". I think you are well aware of why men are attracted to you.
It's disappointing that your DH's pals and your work colleagues have tried to act on the signals they are picking up but given the behaviour of men as often described on MN it's hardly surprising.

A hard one to call without seeing your behaviour. Men can absolutely read signals wrong or make up that you're into them out of nowhere, but as you've had 4 similar incidents and acknowledge your sexual language, I think it sounds like you might be indicating you're sexually interested or open.

In your shoes I'd be considering the way I think my behaviour comes across doesn't match how other people see it, and adjusting it accordingly. Do you have a trusted female friend you could ask?

If you act like a carry on film I presume people will respond like that

🙄

There was something very similar to this posted recently.

Stop acting like you're in a 70s sitcom for starters. Geezer bird made me shudder 😩

Sometimes it’s hard to be a w….

@GalileoHumpkins that was a phrase that a bloke used to describe me ! Not my phrase lol

I'm the opposite to you in looks and demeanour and have also had sleazy passes made at me inappropriately by men I work with or know in passing.

It's not you, it's men.

So what sort of things are you saying that makes them proposition you? Double entendre's like "wow, that's a big 'un" when they bring in a marrow from the garden doesn't usually elicite a married man to proposition someone.

I find it a bit strange that four men would suddenly launch into detailed messaging about what they want to 'do' to you. What went on in the lead up to these declarations?

Don't make double entendres or risque jokes in front of these men. They will take it as flirty. You say yourself you have a very sexy figure, so already are going to be naturally attractive to others sexually.
That whole 'geezer bird' kind of label I'd say is often just a way of trying to pigeonhole women who like certain things. You don't need to make sexual jokes in order to fit in with the opposite sex.
I'm not saying it's your fault necessarily but I think if you modified your behaviour a bit it should hopefully stop happening. If it does not then call them out and refuse to speak to them again.

You shouldn't have to modify your behaviour or your sense of humour, your personality or your dress sense. I'm sure these men don't give a second thought about whether they're coming across as flirtatious.