How much quality time in a marriage.

[ProvincialLady2024]

How much quality time do you have together in your marriage?
DH and I have very little after his Golf. The children, work, sorting out admins and finances.
Makes me wonder why we bothered to do-habit at all as it's so unrewarding. I'd have been better off staying his girlfriend.
Is it the san Erie everyone?

I should have checked!

DH and I have very little time together after his golf, the children, work, sorting out admin, obligations and finances.
Makes me wonder why we bothered to co-habit at all as it's so unrewarding. I'd have been better off staying his girlfriend.
Is it the same for everyone?

We put the children to bed at half past 7 and then spend the evenings together.
Weekends are family time so day out with the children or see friends family etc but we definitely make time for ourselves in the evening.
Saturday night is usually a couple of drinks too.

@voilalalala is it active quality time? Are you chatting and interested in each other or have a mutual interest?

We hang out after dinner every evening for a bit, we've taken to doing an after dinner quiz recently which is a lot of fun (and ridiculous as we're both very competitive - loser washes dishes).

We both share indoor hobbies which helps as we do them together in our shared office of an evening, so we're spending time together while also doing our own thing.

We have one date day/night a week at the weekend. This is easier now our daughter is older and doing her own stuff, it was more like once or twice a month when she was still little.

It's always either golf or cycling. I've told my husband if he takes up either of those hobbies I'm divorcing him (only partly joking 👀)

A few hours, we are both usually doing something but will chat at intervals. We will sometimes watch a series together. Friday nights is bottle of wine and a movie night for us. Tbh we are so knackered by the end of the day we don’t talk a lot. But it’s in an easy, comfortable way.

My partner and I live together and spend a lot of time together because we have lots in common and like doing the same things. We organize things to do on the weekends, for example we went to a food festival today. We go away a fair bit too. My daughter, although she lives with us, is an adult and doesn't need our attention so we have lots of freedom.

My ex-husband was completely different. He preferred to do his own thing,was utterly checked out of family life and parenting and pretty much did not prioritize us at all. Work and his golf took up the majority of his time which was entirely his choice. It was lonely and depressing which was why I had to get out. It would never have changed.

Does your husband like spending time with you? Do you have things in common to share? Are you able to schedule more time together?

We don't have anything in common. He isn't interested in time together except as a penance for time playing golf.

The truth is he was made for single life. He shouldn't have had a family.

My husband and I want to spend time together. Always. We watch shows, usually twice because the first time will have led to a discussion between us. We both invest in the tv we watch. The exercise programs we do together. The music we listen to. Almost everything in my life is lived through this partnership

We spend a lot of time together, but we have a lot of the same interests and we don't have children.

I can't imagine being married to someone who doesn't make time to spend actual quality time with me though OP - that sounds miserable for you :( Do you do anything together, even if it's not what you might consider 'quality' time?

We definitely don't get as much quality time together as we used to. We watch TV together in the evening, chat at dinner and used to do an exercise class together but have had to stop that for now.

This is just a season of life though...the kids take up so much energy at the moment that it is harder. But it won't always be that way.

This is quite a sad post.
It seems you have made up your mind that your marriage is a lost cause.

I thought it odd in your OP that you said 'golf' as the first thing that took up time, not work.

DH and I both do quite a lot that the other one doesn't do. I actually think that is healthy in a relationship to some extent, but it seems the balance has tipped in yours. We have different hobbies / ways we like to spend time, BUT we also do some things together.

We (as a couple and also as a family) have prioritised eating together every day. Meal round the table, no TV or radio. So we connect in even on days when it has been busy with work and then with different things in the evening.

I think you may have your answer there, nothing or little in common and he prefers to play golf.

I had exactly the same. No interest in anything I wanted to do, no compromise, holidays with him where a chore as he was always looking to get away.

Ended up as his housekeeper, child minder, personal assistant.

I think your choices are to make your own separate life within the marriage, (and deal with the loneliness),persuade him to do more with you, possibly a joint interest but he may be very happy with the status quo, or leave.

I bet you went into this thinking you were a proper couple and having children has left you behind because his hobby takes precedence. It is soul destroying and I feel for you.

@TheHistorian

He itches to get away from us on holiday.

Tbh - I wish I had never met him at all.

Can't leave right now, but hopefully in two or three years.

Do it!

My now partner could not be more different. Attentive, generous, loves spending time with me. They are out there.

I'm guessing your husband put on a good show at the beginning to draw you in, then dropped the facade when he had you secured? And tied down with kids.

You deserve more 💐

Loads. We play board games, watch TV and movies together and actively discuss them, cook together, walk the dog together, listen to certain radio programmes every week. We don’t have kids tho.