Did you lower your standards in dating as you got older?

[strippywheels]

I feel like in many ways I have. When I was younger I put a lot of priority on how a guy looked / dressed, his grooming. By the time I was in my 30's I wanted a guy who could drive, had a car, had his own place and a decent job. Obviously I wanted them to be nice decent guys but I also wanted those other things and felt I could get them.

My last long term relationship of 8 years broke up in 2022 and after getting back on the apps in my 40's in 2023 I had a really awful time of it. The kind of men I'd say were my type and my equal in terms of having a house, a decent job, no debt, being able to drive, have a car etc were happy enough to sleep with me but made it pretty clear they weren't interested in a relationship with me.

Men my age who are nice people but very low income, no home (living in multiple occupancy homes), no savings, no car seem much more open to a serious relationship but as friends have pointed out I'll be doing all the heavy lifting financially if we ever move in together.

Should I lower my standards in this respect for a nice guy or are my friends right that I should be wary?

I think my standards got higher as I aged. When you’re young, you tend to focus on fairly unimportant surface stuff. As one ages, unless one is a bit dim, you start to realise what’s more important.

I didn’t meet DH until I was 35 (he was 30) and he’s wonderful, and a ‘catch’ by most objective standards. I honestly don’t think we’d even have been on each other’s radar, five years prior. We certainly wouldn’t have got on.

I think location matters, as well. I’m in London and we tend to partner up and have kids later than the rest of the country, particularly in my demographic/circles. There are also more people and a more diverse range of dating choices.

The complete opposite for me.

I’m in my 30s and the bar has never been higher. I tolerated a lot of shit in my 20s because my self-esteem was low. Now the faintest hint of a red flag and I get out fast.

This is for relationships. For hook-ups / casual encounters, my standards are about the same as they've always been - someone I fancy the pants of without emotional baggage.

Same.

I didn't, but my wife must have 😉

Seriously OP, hold out for what you want. My wife and I were in our 40s when we got together and she was well worth the wait. This life is a funny game, and I think the trick is to understand what is really important to you. In my experience, it isn't what you might initially think it is.

Good luck.