Whole change of life needed

[SeptemberSanctuary]

I'm 52, work from home (very part time) and have a lot of time on my hands now. But I'm just not living. Lost both my parents recently. I've stopped running. I rarely go out except to the supermarket or a car boot. My diet is very sugary and lacking veg/fruit although I'm not overweight. I spend way too much time doom scrolling. I can't seem to concentrate on anything. The house is a mess. I've got one DS who is 18 and so he's not around much (feeling a bit empty nest). DH is quite a bit older than me and is a home body.

I really need to get my act together. So I'm starting tomorrow (1 Sep).

Advice needed please.Where do I begin?

Maybe start by installing/setting up one of the "digital hygiene" apps which lock your phone browser after a certain period of use. If you are getting stuck doom scrolling maybe by limiting the time you can do that you'll a) spend less time doing something negative for your MH and b) as a result have the time you would be doing that to do something more productive!

I also strongly recommend not feeling like you're not allowed fun stuff until you've fixed the boring stuff. E.g., your house being a bit messy won't kill you, so don't punish yourself by not doing anything fun until it's 100% clean. Prioritise things which actively make you happy - you're more likely to tackle the boring ones (house/diet) if your mood is generally better.

Basically, don't beat yourself up, you deserve to have fun and do nice things!

Before I give any practical suggestions I just want to say be kind to yourself. Grieving for your parents may well be why you can't concentrate on anything.

OK, practical advice:
Do something nice for yourself, like a facial, spa, new haircut, lunch/day out with friends etc.
Do some volunteering either at a charity shop or food bank
If you want to improve your diet I recommend listening to the Zoe podcast which has loads of advice about healthy eating
Get out of the house at least once a day, even if it's just a short walk to the shops.
Join a weekly fitness/pilates/yoga class to maintain your fitness until you're ready to run again.
Re the house, maybe focus on one room at a time? So think, 'today I'll get the kitchen in a good shape' rather than trying to do it all at once.

Good for you for starting this! I don't know you, but I'm still proud of you 🙂

Phone timer/blocker is a great idea.

Re exercise - rather than joining a gym or yoga studio, you might have more success with doing workouts at home. That way you can wear your pyjamas and listen to your own music. Plus you can do them whenever you want. There are loads of workouts on YouTube, many just 10 minutes.

I've found that doing even a short workout decreases the desire for sugar etc, and I eat more healthily on those days.

Good on you for wanting change if feels don’t feel right and for doing something about it. I felt like this recently and I just really needed a reset but I found it so difficult. I would go to though waves of low energy, no motivation and just lost my sparkle. I went away and stayed in an air b n b as I was attending a friends wedding. I stayed for 3 nights and on the other 2 days I had I went to the coast and it was so nice. Change of scenery but I also just really enjoy being near the water. At the wedding I was able to catch up with old friends and I realised how much I need / miss social contact. The change in scenery for a few days gave me a refresh and a restart and going forward I’ve made some new lifestyle habits which I think will help.

• Arrange to see a friend at least once a week
• Get outside for at least 30 mins a day, wether it’s a potter in the garden, a walk by the canal, a walk into town
• Self care routine, nice bath or shower products, new pyjamas
• I’ve joined a gym and will aim to do 2 classes a week
• Be more mindful of what I’m eating, eat proper meals, don’t skip meals or snack. Drink more water.

For the house, I would make yourself a little timetable with realistic goals so you can either have one whole week just to have a good sort out or break it down into 1 Saturday a week etc. Declutter anything you don’t love anymore or use. Buy some nice cleaning products and home fragrances, new bedding etc. If my house is untidy it makes me feel chaotic and out of place, I can’t keep it show home perfect because that’s not realistic but I do like to wake up to a tidy home, I like to light candles in the evening etc.

Thank you. ☺️

I think I'll start with a walk a day whatever the weather and start adding in a weekly or biweekly run.

I've become pretty weak so need to work on building strength particularly in my arms and shoulders. Use it or lose it I guess.

I’m an Atomic Habits convert - highly recommend reading it, it’s very empowering. I was in a similar place to you at the beginning of this year (not sleeping/eating badly/not excerising/felt like I was just existing) plus other issues to boot but slowly managed to untangle it

Good luck, I wish you well.
Am in much the same place in life

Good plan!

A kettlebell is good for building strength. I've got one and do Bodyfit by Amy workouts on YouTube.

Thank you. I'll take a look at that.