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Issue with female work colleagues

7 replies

Poodlemania · 30/08/2024 13:24

Hi ,
I work with a group of women , some senior to me ,some the same level as myself .
They are all best friends and they are half my age
My line manager is also in this group.
Sometimes when I ask a work related question or if one of the other women walks into the room they all completely dismiss me , and change the subject or don't listen.
I feel uncomfortable and need ideas on how to deal with this .
I do just keep myself busy and try to not think about it too much , they are quite happy to change the routine or focus on something different for the day and forget to tell me , so sometimes I may be doing a task pointlessly and they tell me afterwards that we are not doing that today.
Items belonging to me were removed whilst I was on holiday.
I am a grown woman in my fifties , so I can just get on with it but it is making me a little uncomfortable.
Please advise me ,many thanks

OP posts:
TransformerZ · 30/08/2024 13:27

They don't want you there.
Age discrimination sub consciously.
Just keep emails of where you were told to do one thing and ended up doing another so you can't be blamed - if it's office work.
Is it shop work / retail? I can't understand a workplace where things change daily.

TheClawDecides · 30/08/2024 13:32

If you want to stay in the job, you need to be more assertive (easier said than done I'm sure!)

Ask questions, take an interest, if they change the subject then change it back until you get an answer.

If this doesn't work, you need to sit your line manager down and tell them what you've told us and explain how it's affecting you and your work.

It doesn't sound as though things will change without intervention.

GivingitToGod · 30/08/2024 14:12

Working with a group of women who are all 'best friends' including the line manager isn't healthy. Best friend groups at work don't work in terms of dynamics of working relationships; more so with manager is involved.
You are in a very difficult position but you need to address your feelings with line manager; she has a duty to listen. HR intervention might be considered further down the line. Friendly without being friends works best. I have worked in several places where there were clear friendships amongst staff . irrespective of role and rank. It doesn't work in the best interests of all.
Take care OP

Kd96 · 04/09/2024 19:49

Kick em in the ...
No in all seriousness, if you love and want to stay in the job then I'd probably say now is the time to nip it in the bud with a convo with HR.. failing that RUN for the hills.

My DP is stuck in a job like this except he is the only male with several woman and doesn't see the issues, however descussions at home about his day the issues are very clear as an outsider.. however there's sweet F all i can do. I'd love for him to leave and let the witches convent continue without his presence..

AuCo44 · 04/09/2024 20:10

Their behaviour could be construed as bullying. It's certainly creating an unpleasant working atmosphere, from what you have said. I worked in a place where there was a clique, and outsiders were definitely not welcome.

Someone (not me) raised the matter with HR and the manager, who was best buddies with, and the leader of, the clique, was moved sideways within the organisation.

Shortly afterwards, the clique disintegrated and the difference to the working day was incredible. I don't think that those of us not in the clique realised how much the in-jokes and being left out and/or ignored etc were affecting us.

AuCo44 · 04/09/2024 20:10

Their behaviour could be construed as bullying. It's certainly creating an unpleasant working atmosphere, from what you have said. I worked in a place where there was a clique, and outsiders were definitely not welcome.

Someone (not me) raised the matter with HR and the manager, who was best buddies with, and the leader of, the clique, was moved sideways within the organisation.

Shortly afterwards, the clique disintegrated and the difference to the working day was incredible. I don't think that those of us not in the clique realised how much the in-jokes and being left out and/or ignored etc were affecting us.

Panackelty · 07/09/2024 13:35

Lots of ageism in the workplace, it’s very isolating, I haven’t an answer but to say know you’re not alone in this. Where I work inexperienced youngsters are promoted into management for development and some don’t have a clue how to run a team, but some older male managers are biased to the youth too and like the youngsters also very dismissive of what they term old people. I feel we are just over qualified training material for them.

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