Any advice for a very anxious learner driver?

[1bub1pup]

If I'm honest I really don't want to learn to drive. But I think I have to. For the sake of my daughter, for better job opportunities and in case of emergencies.
I've had 3 goes at it. 17 - Loved driving but couldn't afford the lessons. Then I went to uni and couldn't afford anything.
Early 20s. Driving instructor was a bit shit looking back. Always doing his errands whilst on lesson, plus driving in the city meant not much driving. He insisted I was ready, so I failed the test miserably and wasn't in the mood to try again.
Late 20s - New location, stupidly decided to do "intensive" driving lessons. I thought with my previous experience it would be easier but this was the worse by far. Didn't get on with the instructor at all. He (fairly) thought I was wanting to rush the process so kept pushing me further than I was comfortable. Covid hit so lessons were halted and during that time I got clipped on the arm by a drugged driver. But even before that I was in tears before each lesson.
I'll admit I had anxiety and mental health issues. I'm doing better in most aspects of life but I can't seem to take that step with driving. Its a mixture between I think it's genuinely dangerous and I'm embarrassed about people knowing I'm sh*t at something.
I researched a couple of good instructors and read some recommendations from local Facebook page. I'm worried I will waste money and never learn.

Has anyone gone from basically having a phobia of driving to actually learning to drive? And any experiences of learning to drive in your mid 30s with kids?

Sorry for the long backstory. Help me get over this hump!

I hated it but am a very confident driver now.

Do some breathing exercises/calming podcast before lessons.

Slow your speed down a bit (nervous drivers can drive faster as they think they need to keep up with everyone).

Do you know anyone with a car who you can practice with in car parks/quiet roads? Once I had a few lessons onboard my partner insisted I drove 1 short route each time (home-supermarket) so I could gain confidence with a familiar route I knew really well. Is that an option?

Good luck!

Can you dance?
If the answer is yes then you can drive.
(They're both a series of coordinated moves. Just don't bump into the other dancers/drivers!)

Are you me? When I took it up again in my 30s, for the same reasons as you, I booked one off lessons with a couple of different instructors so I was sure I would be comfortable with them.

I hated driving and was particularly nervous driving new places, and was for a long time, but actually a change of car to an automatic with a decent satnav with driver assistance features (mine is electric) has transformed my driving confidence! I almost enjoy it now.

But overall, an instructor you are comfortable with and driving as much as you can are key. Go for it - it really is worthwhile!

I struggled with nerves, poor instructors etc. I would have given up but if I did that meant I would never drive, that was so final and limiting that I just decided to get on with it and keep going, no matter what. Don't be afraid to change instructors. I was recommended an instructor who had worked in emergency services previously and he was brilliant - patient yet focussed. He acknowledged I had picked up some bad habits but said we could work through them. I passed my test a few months later. My stepson was with an instructor and failed his test many times. I switched him to a different one and he passed shortly after. Good luck and just picture how great it will be when you pass.

Yes, took me 3 goes to pass manual. Forgot how nervy exams are after so many years! Some people do better with automatic so don't be afraid to swap over

Watch mock tests and lessons on YouTube, I liked Conquer Driving. Helped with a bit of background info and for memory
Used driving test now app to book in cancellation tests as there was a huge backlog

Really recommend getting insured on learners on a partner, friends or parents car if possible.

I agree with what others have said, it can be hard to find a good instructor but they make all the difference. I changed after failing once with an instructor who I think saw me as a cash cow. The second instructor was so much better.

I passed my test about 5 years ago and, although I still get nervous when I’m driving somewhere new, I rely on the car now I have children.

Nope but I'm in exactly the same position and want to learn!

I think the key is finding the right instructor or it was for my anxious daughter .

Automatic only!! Has never affected me negatively. No regrets

Phew not just me then! That feels better.
Thank you for all this advice.
I've been giving automatic some serious thought. DH car is automatic actually but it's enormous and he's not keen on me practicing it. (Though I'm not sure we'd justify buying a second car if I was to learn & pass)

Get an automatic.

Far fewer plates to keep spinning at the same time means you will feel more relaxed.

I was anxious but not as anxious as you. It took me a long time to pass a manual. I only really felt properly confident after I had my own car, and was competent enough for my extremely patient boyfriend to take me out driving.

I agree with the advice to consider an automatic though, it's a lot less to think about - more just stop and go and watch where you're going than worrying about clutch and gears and stalling in inopportune places....

I’d always thought you ‘should’ learn in a manual car, to get those skills etc. but since switching to an automatic I’m completely converted. So much easier to drive, and a lot less to worry about. And so many more automatic cars available now.

Also starting again here op, I'm 34 with 3 kids so it's a must!

I'm sooo nervous

@Doyouknowdanieltiger i feel this. Best of luck to you!
I'm 34 and 1 bub but more on the way hopefully.
I just think about spending school holidays just around our town whilst my Husband is at work 😂 I think I could fill 6 weeks if I could drive.

Do automatic.

Do semi intensive 2 lessons a week.

First two lessons back to back to consolidate learning.

Early Sunday morning always good to start off but few driving instructors do this.

I specialise in nervous students many who have failed numerous times. However, my hourly rates are £50 to £60 so I am more expensive than most driving instructors.

Be prepared to pay more to save more in the long run.

All my students had wasted thousands in previous instructors.

If you don’t like an instructor don’t continue with them. I tell all my students that I don’t take rejection personally.