Only DC starting reception - how to handle drop off, settling, and can I make friends?

[Kombuchaaddict]

As per the title. My child starts reception in 2 weeks. A right of passage so many on here will have been through, so how can I / we prepare?

I am a bit nervous about him settling in, which I'm sure is normal to feel. He's been at nursery but does struggle with transitions and saying goodbye, sometimes very clingy, and I hate the idea that you have no idea how it's going, no updates on an app like you do with nursery! I know it's time to let go but does anyone have any tips about how to get through this transition smoothly (me and him?).

I am also keen to make some friends with other parents / mums. Where we live (London) most kids do after school club and breakfast club so drop off times will vary. How best can I make some new friends?

Also, finally, any tips for managing the new routine, after school etc etc? He is summer born if that makes a difference.

You are best to be brisk to make the transition easier.
Talk to him in advance about what to expect (is there a settling in session?)
As he's likely to cling, I would go with saying goodbye, giving him a kiss and then walking away. Teachers/TAs are good at distracting children who are wondering where Mummy has gone.

I would not assume you will make friends. Smile and be friendly and ask who another parent's child is and how they are settling in, but don't assume you will like each other just because you have similarly aged children but just see it as a bonus if you do. A lot of parents will want to be in and out; some won't want to chat - don't take it personally. You may or may not make friends. If you're looking for new friends, I think you are better to do so via shared activity.

Evening routine - it depends how tired they are. We generally did some variant of snack, watch TV, play, tea, homework, bath time, story, bed. Lots of Reception children are tired at first, so don't plan too much in, but be prepared to go with the flow (my DS hadn't read the memo that he was meant to be tired, and spent the first weeks bouncing round the house, so we added in a post school park trip).

Thanks, yeah I was thinking about after school activities. We are doing wraparound care everyday except Friday and I think I'll just leave Friday afternoons free for park or tv downtime for now in case he's very tired.

Expect him to be exhausted for a couple of weeks. The teachers and TAs are used to any upset and well practiced at getting the kids in. I never bought snacks with me on pick up, some people do.

We have an app that the teachers upload pictures on to, not every day. I made mum friends initially through chatting in the playground with the kids parents my kids were friends with. Someone arranged a trip to the pub for any parent that wanted to go, and that was it! Now only a few of the children are still friends but we have a well established mum friendship group!

My school organized settling in sessions and the teacher visited all the children both at home and nursery, and that helped a lot. Also, for the first couple of weeks the teacher met all the children at the gate. But generally speaking I found all the staff great at reassuring/distract/accompany children who are a bit sad or reluctant at drop off. Don't worry as in my experience (limited! My DS was in Reception last year) there will be children who will be confident from day 1 and others who will not be until the end of the year, and it's ok.

About meeting other parents, during the first parents meeting (before school started) I got the number of two ladies I chatted with and then started the parents' whatsapp group, which then kept expanding as everyone met more parents etc. The group is great to start establishing a connection, and then you will naturally get closer to people with your same interests/routine/etc. But there are also plenty of other opportunities: at pick up time, school events, birthday parties and whatsnot.

My school also uses an app where the teacher uploads lots of photos of the day, initially individual photos and then, as the year progresses, group photos. We also get a weekly newsletter. I was also very worried about not getting information as accurate and detailed as in nursery, but between the 2-3 weekly updates, the newsletters, the collective feedback from the other parents ('my Johnny said he pet a tortoise in school - did he make it up?' 'not at all as my Maddie told me they got a visit from a vet, but she didn't mention the tortoise!') and your child being progressively better at reporting facts, you will get it!

About routine: my DS had childcare/afterschool activities every day so pick up time for us was around 4,30-5ish every day. In winter we just go back home, he plays/watches TV a little, then tea, bath, storytime, bed. In summer we head to the park before tea/bath etc.

I was very worried before DS started reception last year but, honestly, it was absolutely fine. He barely even noticed the transition and adored school from pretty much day 1.

In terms of making friends - and I admit that I'm very unsociable so wasn't that concerned - I've mainly met other parents at events and by being active (but not annoying) in the class WhatsApp group. There are also a few social events in the year for parents and they're great opportunities to meet people in a more adult setting. And often drink a lot of gin.

I’m a TA but have also got two
of my own.
From a TA point of view, make the drop off bright and breezy. It is the r worst feeling in the world to walk away from your child if they are crying but equally dragging it out doesn’t help. So a kiss and a hug and then “I will be back this afternoon and I want to hear all
about the fun things you’ve done, ok?” Then go.
The worst ones are when parents keep doing one more hug, then one more, then last hug, then one more - and then wait to see if the child cheers up. If the child sees them it starts all over again.

If a child has been particularly upset then we might ring a parent at playtime to reassure them that their child is happy now - if you are worried ask the teacher and see.

Talk to them ahead of the day so they know what will happen. “We’ll have breakfast and get dressed and then go to school, and you’ll probably have to put your coat on your peg - your own peg with your own name, that’s cool, isn’t it? And I expect you will have so much fun with your friends,.”

I would also say just be wary of saying you’ll pick him up after lunch - if he’s staying for afternoon school be clear that he has lunch and does some more playing and then you’ll come for him. Children often interpret ‘after lunch’ as ‘immediately after I’ve swallowed the last mouthful’ and get upset when it doesn’t happen like that.

I'm also in London OP. Schools can really vary in terms of meeting other parents. My friend in S London had a whole class WhatsApp group going on whereas at DDs school there was nothing like that arranged ( and I don't think most were fussed tbh). Some schools put on social events, or there may be a PTA. Most parents usually make it to parents evening/ assemblies/ Christmas fayres etc, so there other opportunities to meet people outside pick ups.

Also, if your kid makes friends with another kid you can always get hold of the parent to invite for play dates. There also tends to be a lot of parties at reception age so you can meet parents there until kids old enough to be dropped off (usually year1)

I'd forgotten about class parties! One of the very thoughtful parents at our school arranged a whole class party in the first couple of weeks of term which was a really nice way to meet other parents and all freak out together about our babies starting school!