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My 9yo never wants to do anything and when we do he's a nightmare

13 replies

user1480111163 · 30/08/2024 11:29

My 9yo is such hard work ATM. Please say it'll stop soon.

I know he can behave, we had a week holiday and he was a complete different child did thing's never complained had fun and was a real pleasure to be with.

But, most of the time he never wants to do anything will whinge scream hit screech slam doors and just want to stay at home. He's like it for his mum too, possibly worse.

Yesterday I had to get some bits from BandQ and he was hitting me screaming for help the whole time, he knew we was going. Walked out of the store every one was looking at us. He told me he does this on purpose so we don't go places.

But when we're at home he's just as bad will scream screech hit shout out saying he hates the neighbours and wants them to die (one has cancer) constantly saying life is boring. Every time he does this first time he gets a consequence and doesn't care ATM he's been without technology for 3 days and he just doesn't stop.

We can plan Theme park days and things he really enjoys doing and still refuses to go or when there play up.

It's stopping us going places and having fun and enjoying our time together. I've even had my neighbour talk to him once to calm him down. When I try and talk to him he says he hates me and wants me to die and he hates everything. Apart from our week's holiday he's been like this the whole summer holidays, I've had to cancel things to do as I know he would just be too much to handle at times. We was at centre parks last weekend and he just wanted to stay in the lodge as everything was boring, but once out he had the best times.

OP posts:
Putmeinsummer · 30/08/2024 11:40

How much tech does he usually get? If he doesn't want to go places it's because what he has at home is perceived to be better.

ProfessorPeppy · 30/08/2024 11:43

This suggests he has problems with (a) transitioning between activities and (b) doing 'unknown' activities with no defined time limit.

What do his teachers say about his behaviour in school? Any sign of anxiety or discomfort?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/08/2024 11:43

None of that sounds normal, and I agree with the poster above that if being at home means being on screens, maybe that is part of the problem?

How does he get on at school? Does he have friends? Activities? Things he is good at?

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user1480111163 · 30/08/2024 13:48

At his mum's he has unlimited screen time, mine is usually no more than 90mins and all off by 6pm. I agree screens may be a issue, but he never moans when he looses them from his bad behaviour like today he knows he won't be having them and probably not tomorrow either and he doesn't seem to care about the consequences of loosing them. And he Just want to be inside drawing and not go anywhere still.

He enjoys drawing and being out on his Scooter. When I spoke to his teacher she said he one of the more sensible and well behaved students.

OP posts:
MinnieMountain · 30/08/2024 13:51

How new is this behaviour? Were there any big changes in his life near when it started?

DS(10) could be surprisingly grumpy when he was 9, though never that bad.

romdowa · 30/08/2024 13:54

Honestly I'd have him assessed. Could be adhd. He also sounds very disregulated and doing some things to regulate him could make a massive difference

Allthehorsesintheworld · 30/08/2024 14:34

Anything changed recently? Mum or dad with a new partner, split with a partner, moved house, pet died?
My friend’s son was a bit like yours about 9 months after his parents separated. Perfect behaviour in school but trashed the house every evening, screaming and refusing to go to bed. They had to move house, dad insisted it was sold. Only moved half a mile, smaller house. Stopped as suddenly as it started, I don’t remember him having the same meltdowns in the new house.
He’d have been a similar age to your son, maybe a little younger. It was awful for my friend while it lasted.

user1480111163 · 30/08/2024 15:48

His mum and partner have their house on the market. And we had a Very minor fire Just before his birthday. But he's always been a job to get out and prefer being home. Just this latest behaviour is more extreme, I'm hoping when he's settled in his New school year he'll settle again.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/08/2024 21:13

Does he have access to YouTube /tiktok as part of his screentime? Bear in mind a smart tv will give extra access as well as sibling/parent phones with a pin he knows? We've found them a huge trigger for bad behaviour and it takes weeks of full detox to reset.

The meltdowns I think point towards a possible other issue so worth having him privately and professionally assessed so you can rule in or out other factors.

Namechangejustincase24 · 30/08/2024 21:18

What’s he like after a school day?

user1480111163 · 30/08/2024 21:39

After school depends on which teacher he's had. Last year he couldn't stand one teacher but loved the other and generally was a lot happier with one. Unfortunately the one he doesn't like will still teach him 1 day a week this coming year.

He has YouTube at his mum's, I'm against it so never let him tiktok is a definite no from both but I know his friends have it.

OP posts:
Namechangejustincase24 · 30/08/2024 21:55

I would speak to the teacher he liked and get her take, does she give him sensory breaks throughout the day? What’s his interaction like with other children?

Grasshopper7 · 30/08/2024 22:23

I have a DC with ASD and ADHD who behaves like this

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