Alcoholic questions

[Wineandwine71]

Hi I really hope I don't offend anyone . But I really want to understand this and wounder If my thinking is on the right track.

My brother is an alholic and has been so for many years. He told me he was when I was in my late teens. So around 30 years ago. I don't think he really told anyone else.

He sometimes struggles with money . Because he spends most of it on drink he needed to go on a train journey and struggled to get the money so he told my osister he won't be going as he can't afford the train fare.

My sister always says things like . Just don't drink for a couple of nights then he will have his train fare. ... he's drinking already already its not even 10am. I don't know why he's drinking its only a 2hr journey.

My sister seems to think he can just stop. That there's no need for it. She is intelligent and well educated. I am not. But I find it odd that she does not understand that he can't just stop.

He'll be drinking because he likely has to combat the physical withdrawal symptoms. Sweating, shaking, sickness.

He cannot just stop, he would be in danger of seizures.

Some info I always post on these threads because of the lack of awareness:

You can have a 10 day at home rehab free (bar prescription costs) on the NHS.

I've been sober since Sept 2019, and have never looked back....

However I would highly recommend you seek this free NHS assistance.

You have to refer to your local substance abuse centre. Some will let you self refer, some may require Dr referal. At mine the counsellors were ex addicts which made it super easy to be open.

They should be able to offer support.

You can find them here www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/find-an-alcohol-addiction-service/location.

Avoid CGL they seem to direct to Detox UK who will charge. If you struggle to get free help, these can help: Dear Albert can help: www.dearalbert.co.uk/nhs-alcohol-detox/.

I did around 3 months counselling once a week prior and again after. 10 day at home detox with family support.

The medication made phyical withdrawal smooth and easy to the point I didn't have a single side effect.

Thank you. Thats really kind. I don't think k he wants help though. I think he's happy just to plod along as he does .

He'll either hit a rock bottom that turns him, like me, or he'll continue until it kills him off sadly.

It's a horrible addictive substance and it should be treated a lot more like that imo. It's a lot easy to go down that hole than people would care to imagine.

You've answered your own question. He doesn't want to stop. There is always a choice, with alcoholism. I know some brave and strong people who have stopped drinking. Totally take the point above about withdrawal. But it's not like he's asking for help.

That was nktcreslly my question I knlw that he does not want to stop.

My question was more to do with my sisters lack of understanding ie just stop drinking if you need train fare. Type stuff. I don't understand why she does not understand that he can't just stop.

Because people who aren't addicts really, really don't get it. It's like a very rich person not understanding the choice between heating or eating. Or someone who has never faced racial prejudice not quite believing that it exists. Unless you've been in that position you think the addict, or the poor person or the black person has somehow brought the situation (partly or wholly) on themselves. Unfortunately it's human nature and your sister is far from alone.

I never thought of it like that . Thank you .

To be fair she’s not wrong. He could choose to address the issue. Not within 24 hours, but generally. He’s chosen not to every day for 30 years. If he’s chosen to do as Emmadilemma suggests last week, he’d have been able to afford to go this week.

On one hand, she’s right. He could choose to just stop. I’m a recovering alcoholic and I did just that. I was done. And I stopped and I’ve never had another drink again. Depending on how much he’s drinking, he may need medical support to do it safely though.

But he has to want to do it. He’s choosing the thing that will give him the greatest short term reward. Drinking to alleviate the physical symptoms and the emotional discomfort is more rewarding than going on a train trip somewhere (possibly to see or do something he doesn’t even really want to do anyway). It’s only when drinking makes things so bad that literally anything has got to be better that people stop. I think you can be an otherwise educated and intelligent person who doesn’t have much ability to empathise. Intellectual and emotional intelligence are not the same thing.