Still greiving my dad. It has been years.

[FencePainting]

Hi

I lost my father to cancer 10 years ago. He was 53. Since then I go through these phases where I am just so angry that he's gone.

It is completely unreasonable I know but I can't help it. I get angry and upset on Father's day, I get jealous of those who still have their dad. Why am I still feeling this way 10 years on? I thought I would have grown out of that by now. Have I not grieved properly or something, is that why?

It affects me every single day but some days are worse than others. The other day dh said something along the lines of "don't worry, we have the rest of our lives to do that!" And it made me angry. He was only joking but I remember my dad saying something similar and now he isn't here.

The fact that I will never ever see him again is so painful for me. Since he passed, i've been afraid to lose everyone around me

Nothing can be done to change that he's gone. I just want to cope better. I don't want to feel angry about it anymore.

Any advice would be appreciated

I’m sorry, that is so hard. It’s really hard to lose your Dad so young. Have you tried any form of grief counselling?

The thing that helped me was telling myself it's okay to have times of feeling desperately sad.

Try not to set yourself a time limit.
Set aside time when you can have a good cry and don't feel bad for doing so.

I have reached a point where I am considering grief counselling, but it's taken years for me to get to this point.

My loss was 23 years ago, and I still cry for him.

Mine died when I was a teen and it was unbearable. It's only now I'm 50 that I can passively accept it because I can't deal with that level of emotion. I don't know the answer. It's not the norm to lose parents so young and anger is a stage of grief. I'm quietly jealous and I'd never say it but I don't care really about my friends facing losing parents - I just accept I'm not the right person to support them.

Sorry to hear that, my dad also died 10 years ago. My mum has also died now and I have no siblings, so I don't many people with whom to share memories of our family. I don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in still finding it painful. I am considering going to grief counselling to see if that helps.

I really miss my Dad too, though I was older when he died. I've been having a challenging time at work recently which makes it harder, I really miss him for a hug.

No advice, other then to suggest grief counselling, which my daughter did after a close friend died. She found it useful.

I try to focus on the good times, and we talk a lot about him in the family, though it's 5 years now.

I bought myself a ring to remember him by, and I wear it when I feel the need for a handhold - I know it sounds a bit Victorian, but it helps, it's a simple band with a stone in his favourite colour.

Your grief doesn't shrink, you grow around it

My dad died 18 months ago just a year after my mum. It's just shit & I'm also jealous of people who still have their parents and have the death doom which gives me the rage when people are planning anything that's not in the immediate future. It's all natural. Some counselling may help. Try to go easy on yourself 💐

Have no advice just solidarity and a hug, my dad died ten years ago this year too, and I relate to a lot of what you say. Mine was a little older than yours, dying right as he was supposed to be retiring, so I get angry and upset (in my own head) whenever anyone blithely makes plans for all the things they're going to do in their retirement, as if they're guaranteed to have decades! It sucks. Do you think maybe the round number of the 10 year anniversary somehow amplifies your feelings even more this year? I've found it to be the case for me so far, although there's no logical reason for why this would make it feel worse. But for me, it does a bit.

Thank you all ever so much for sharing your experiences with me, I appreciate it. I'm so sorry for your losses and it's weirdly comforting to know I am not alone in feeling this way. A great suggestion regarding grief counselling as I never really thought of it before