I feel like a failure

[JamSandle]

I'm pretty sure I'm catastrophising right now but I feel like a failure.

I had a great start in life. I travelled the world (I don't regret that part). I have a job. I know I have many blessings. I know I have a lot more than many others do.

But I feel because of some of my own poor choices/bad luck, my life is going off the rails.

I'm single after a bad breakup (my fault), I don't know if I want kids but if I do I've noone to have them with, I can't afford a home.

I'm mid 30s and I feel its now or never to turn things around.

I feel I've been so passive in my life and now I'm left thinking...shit what do I do now?

I really feel like I've let myself down. Can someone hand hold and talk me down please?

Broke up a few months ago.

Living with family.

Got some great friends but don't always get to see them as much as i like.

Learning to drive.

I do enjoy working but it's become a bit monotonous and stressful.

I have a holiday in November to look forward to.

Buy any old crap home. If you don't want to live in it rent it out.
See if you can move back in with your parents to save money.
If you're not religious and marriage isn't a big thing in your community have a sperm donor baby.
You'll have property, savings and a baby.
If you ever meet someone, great.

Grab my hand and sit with me.
I am covering you in a virtual blanket and have the perfect cup of tea for you.
All I will do is list back what you have said.
You have travelled the world!!!
You have family.
You have great friends.
You have a holiday to look forward to.
You have a job.
You are learning to drive!!
Does this list apply to someone who has "let themselves down"?
No.
Your break up is perhaps a new beginning, not an ending. You say it was your fault it ended but perhaps things were not right or it simply wasn't meant to be.
You strike me as a very positive person who is being tested momentarily by circumstances.
You are clearly brilliant. This is a mere blip. Great things ahead for you.
Now pass back my mug and I will stick it in the dishwasher 😉

Thank you for the very practical advice. I appreciate it.

I think this might be the kindest and most beautiful message I've ever read.

Almost everyone feels a failure at some time in their lives.
It those that never do that really need to worry.

My life spiralled out of control at 33. I was plagued by some awful jobs, an injury which resulted in my job being at risk due to time taken off, bereavement and just a general mess.

I met now DH when I was 39, and then we had a baby three months after my fortieth birthday. The following year we got married and the year after welcomed our second (and last!) baby.

Don’t give up hope

You're not a failure, but you need to work out what you want to prioritise and make it happen. Do you want to buy a house? Have children? Find a new partner?

This has really made me smile. Thank you.

I think part of the problem is I'm not really sure. I do have some short terms goals. The bigger picture commitments I'm not completely sure of at the moment.

I've gone through this phase. There was an interesting thread on it a while back. I think people who have been quite blessed and privileged in childhood can have unrealistic expectations and a huge sense of failure. That can come from parents and their peer group and they absorb it and become very harsh self critics. Maybe it's a form of internalised prejudice. For some it's the sense that their children do not have luxuries that they had in childhood. For me it was career related, I was never successful despite being groomed from a young age to have a successful career. For you maybe it's related to not having a family or being settled yet. You are absolutely not a failure, you are just a harsh judge.