46 and TTC

[daisychainarainyday]

...it's a total loss but I'm still TTC number 2 now at the age of 46.
We have been trying for 3 years now.
My beautiful DS has turned 6 now.
Am i totally delusional.
Be kind,

Possible but not likely if it's been 3 years. Much higher risk of miscarriage and abnormalities too. Have you seeked medical advice as you have been trying so long?

If you really want a baby you need IVF with donor eggs

I mean, it's not impossible but it's unlikely without help. Possibly quite a lot of help.

You're not totally delusional.

Have you had any tests? Or done any treatment like clomid? If you haven't already you should read "it starts with the egg" and start on some of the supplements mentioned there (ubiquinol is one I remember).

Would you really want to start again with another baby at 47/48? Or is it now a case of wanting what you can't have?
I wouldn't want to risk a pregnancy at that age, the much higher chances of abnormalities would definitely put me off.

The thing is we haven't been trying that much in the 3 years....if I'm being honest.
And I think that could well be the issue.

I don't think I would mind the sleepless nights as I didn't mind them then...

I think with my DS now at school it's making it a bit worse. I was a SAHP and we were together all the time...

It may well be the feeling of having something you can't have..

I feel like I'm the only one at the school gates with just one....

If you haven't really been trying for the last three years (or, tbh, the years before that) then is it really what you want? I think it's quite a natural feeling to regret what didn't happen, even if deep down you are happy with what you have.

Just statistically it is very unlikely. Especially if you haven’t really been trying. Maybe you and your partner need to make a firm decision to either make a proper effort to try (eg ovulation tracking) or you stop and enjoy your child. I’m not sure why you’d bother getting tests as you wouldn’t be eligible for NHS IVF, if you did want that.

I’m sorry OP ♥️ secondary infertility is so hard.

I think you probably know that the chances of a natural conception at 46 after three years of trying are not brilliant. When you say you haven’t really been trying do you mean you haven’t regularly been having unprotected sex? If that hasn’t been the case then it might be that a few months of more concentrated trying could assist. You would get more answers though from consulting a doctor and having tests done. It might help you decide what to do if you had a better idea of what your chances actually are.

Its not necessarily impossible that you will still conceive but living in hope can also be very hard and demoralising. Look after yourself and take care.

To be very honest with you, OP, I think I would stop trying and focus on the child you already have.

I wouldn't recommend IVF with your own eggs at this age, OP, just because the success rates are diminishingly small. Even frozen eggs are like a 1 in 10 chance.

Given you've got a child, perhaps I wouldn't really go down the donor egg route either.

Do you really want a baby at 46 starting over again if you conceived 47-48 you will be parenting right in to your 60s maybe 70s.

If you haven't already you need to maximise your chances by using OPK's to see when you are likely to ovulate (plenty of info online). I was in a similar situation, had my first just before turning 40, never went back on contraception as we wanted another but knew time wasn't on my side. At 42ish started tracking with OPKs - it took a while but I fell pregnant with DC2 at 44, delivered at 45. That being said fertility is very personal. Some will find it easy, some won't but will get lucky and others will not. I do worry about the future i.e. how old I will be at their milestone ages but ultimately I met DH late and they are here now so I need to stay as healthy as I can for as long as can. You are not delusional, but do think about what the future will look like (all possible futures and how you would cope with each). Its hard wanting another, you feel surrounded by siblings (I felt like that anyway, always seeing what I thought I couldn't have every school run I couldn't escape it). Sympathy and best of luck x

There was a thread here a while ago all about having children late in life and then regretting it later- lots of posters saying they still felt young and able for the hard work of a baby in their mid 40s, but once they got to be post menopausal and were dealing with teens in their 60s it became brutal. I wonder if it's time to close the chapter and allow yourself to grieve so you can enjoy all the positives of life with one DC?

Happened to my sister she said kids keep her young she doesn`t say it anymore.
She had all her freedom back her child just tuned 18 and planning to move out then she got broody and wanted a baby in her 40s.
Lovely kid but she said she feels like she has singed the next 18-19 years away.
She was looking at the now not the later.
My friend felt the same but lucky she didnt now shes 48 and in the mist of peri she said it must have been hormones talking thank god i dont have a baby to add to the mix.

Thank you for all your replies.
I'm still mulling things over...I'm trying to be really positive...I just feel regret because we didn't make it a focus when DS was younger and we were a bit younger! It's the case of "oh it will happen if it happens" The door has well and truely closed and of if I run into another mum I know with a new baby I think I'll just cry!!!
I think I need to let it go...and also stop thinking having one is not normal