Ghosting "friends". Just unfriend me dont ignore me...

[Flowerpowersss]

I was having a conversation with someone who was an old work friend and It's been 1 week and I'm still waiting for a reply after the last thing I said in the conversation.

I went out with a "friend" and I messeged her say I got home safe and asked was she OK , that was 2 years ago and I never herd from her again(she was posting online so I knew she was fine )

I checked in on another friend and asked how they were doing and that was 2 and half weeks ago ...

Another person I was having a conversation with just didn't bother replying .

Also getting messages from people wanting to meet up with you for a coffee and when i ask them that would be nice and asked them when they free I get just silence .

My husband has experienced this so much he hasnt met up with any of his long term best friends in 6 years , recenlty he had one messege and apologize for being distant and would like to meet again and when he called him he got no answer or call back ..

Litterly at this point in my life I'm just going to cut people off and delete them .

I understand you may have put your phone down and forgotten as I've done the same but I've alway gone back and said sorry .

Now If I'm done with a conversation I always say I've g2g now and we'll speak soon .
You wouldn't end a phone call with silence , I just don't get it .

I honestly feel like I've done somthing wrong . I do feel for my husband as the only people who messege him is family and 1 work friend .

Has anyone else experienced this ?
How many friends actually bother with you?.

I think I only have 3 friends left that contact me occasionally.

Hi 👋 I didn't want to read and run especially as you didn't get any responses. Whilst not on the receiving end of this behaviour to the same degree and you and your other half, I can emphasise with you how frustrating people are! I now lower my expectations with "friends" and match the energy they give me. It's OK to have a couple of decent, reliable friends rather than a host of people that make you feel like you don't matter to them enough to maintain basic contact.
No other advice, just know you are not alone ❤️

In most relationships someone is more a giver and someone the taker. If you're the giver the decision is whether this relationship means enough to you to be the one making more effort. That might mean you text them more often than they text you and you're not obsessing that it was their turn to text back.
You're definitely going to feel let down if you expect everyone to place as much value on a text reply as you do. Stuff happens. People get distracted responding to the people in the room with them more than the people in their phone (except for my daughter who is entirely at the mercy of her phone people apparently).
I feel like you've taken this personally and left yourself isolated, which is sad. Having said that, me and OH are not massively social people and do not really have good friends that we see or hear from. A lot of our friends from way back stayed local to one town 90 miles away and we were the only ones who made an effort to visit so as kids came into our lives we lost touch largely.
I've been very hurt twice by friends and so am very wary about getting close to people now. We're not really party people so as we don't throw parties we tend not to get invited to them either.
I think with working from home more it's hard to make friends at work and men seem to struggle to make friends anyway.
People are losing the ability to make small talk which is the social glue or grease maybe that helps people rub along and get to know each other.
I'm sorry you feel like friends are not making the effort with you. I guess either you just accept that more effort will come from you or you find a new activity you can do where you meet local people on a regular basis and start a new friend group. I do think in general people are self interested and selfish these days and less willing to make time for other people. None of these things make it easy to maintain friendships.

I would take this as a clear sign it is time to move on from these people.

I'm really not one for messaging back and forth without a reason e.g. arranging a meet up/phone call/passing on info but I would never just not reply to a message, even if it was just an emoji response - might be a few hours later though.

I've had people contacting me for a coffee etc and then...tumbleweed. I don't chase. If they ask again a few months later then I would be likely to say something like 'Hi - no thanks to coffee. Hope you're well. Take care x' (well maybe a bit more padded out) as I would have concluded that they're not my kind of person and life is too short. Depends on how long the relationship goes back of course/how much I like them but...

There are a lot of flaky/fake people around - don't let it put you off getting out there and bringing more people into your life. The older I get the more I enjoy impromptu casual acquaintance chats and the less I expect a friendship. My close friendship circle is very small but not a flake or fake in sight.

It annoys me too,I think where on earth have people manners gone,. I get that messaging on social media,maybe different to some people,a convenience,but I would still treat people with good manners if they were stood in front of me, would they blank you like this,its just rudeness. If I thought someone was deliberately blanking me or rolling there eyes because its me, I most certainly would not have them in my life or waste my precious time with someone like that.

I have to say I don't love getting the "Hey, how are you doing? What's going on?" messages from friends I don't see a lot. I have a couple of friends who will do this every 3-4 months who I meet up with maybe once a year. Because aren't regularly in each others lives there is so much that will have happen in the last few months that it takes a lot of effort to try and get the most important bits through. So those types of messages I can sit on for a while (weeks) before I remember to get back to them. I'd much rather we just catch up when we see each other.

Having said that, it's not cool to just ignore friends completely. Then I would guess we aren't friends anymore.

I feel the same OP. I’ve recently moved areas and have made a conscious decision to let some friendships go. I’m sick of being the one making the effort all the time so now I’m only making the effort where it’s reciprocated. My friendship group has shrunk massively but I’m much happier for it and don’t regret it one bit.

No you’ve not done anything wrong, OP.

I think in those instances you describe it’s that you or friendships in general have just fallen down the list in your friends priorities. People on here are always going on about they don’t have time for anyone outside their “little family” until they end up in need of a friend and friendless. This obviously plays out in society.

I have a handful of friends who will reach out to say hi if they’ve not heard from me for a while or try and arrange a meet up. Some of them live in another country.

I have a few more friends that respond positively to invites but i notice I’m always initiating meet ups or chat /phone conversations.

This summer I’ve decided not to reach out to those who never reach out to me first. If that means I never hear from them again that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. I’m not cutting them out but I’m no longer doing the running.

That said I’m a fairly low maintenance friend, and believe some friendships can lie dormant for want of a better word for months if not years and be picked up in the future. I have a lot of friends that live in other countries, they make time for me when I’m over there and its always a great time meeting them or even staying with them in some cases, but I don’t necessarily speak to them in between.

And yes to not chasing people when they suggest coffee meet ups! I left London two years ago and I contacted a friend down there after 18 months of silence. She replied quickly and said she was recovering from illness (flu or something) but she’d talk later.
she did message me a week or so later but I was on holiday.

I said I was on hols and then she replied again saying she will try to visit me if she can get a cheap coach deal and also she’ll be in touch to arrange a phone call. I was like great!

For context I live about 4 hours on a coach / 2 hours on a train from London so I get it if she can’t visit immediately. Transport is so expensive nowadays. But it’s been 4 months and I never got the phone call either. Past me would’ve chased her up on it but considering I was the one who broke the long silence initially I feel I’ve did enough. She has form for this as well.

If she wants to have that phone call or visit me - she will contact me. If she doesn’t, she won’t. Simple.

It happens to me too. It happened this weekend in fact. Friend of nearly 20 years messaged me to ask if I wanted to meet over the weekend, but then ignored my reply. She’s done it repeatedly over the past year or so to the point I don’t bother getting invested anymore. She didn’t used to be so flaky.

Another friend got a girlfriend and disappeared.

Was supposed to meet up with a long-time friend at Christmas but he had to cancel as he will ill. We rearranged but he cancelled that too as he was stuck at work. He said he’d be in touch to rearrange again but I didn’t hear from him.

It didn’t used to be this bad before Covid. Not sure what’s happened. It’s really put me off making new friends.

People who behave like this drive me nuts and I could never have a a proper friendship with people who are this flaky. I’m not saying that to sound controlling or over the top, it’s genuinely true. I get so anxious and overthink everything that I just couldn’t deal. They’d find themselves phased out. Although I can accept that a lot of it is my issue, I do also think it’s rude and disrespectful. I’m not buying that anyone is so busy they can’t take 30 seconds to respond. Or that anyone is so stupid and ignorant not to realise when a text needs an answer. When people do this to me, I assume they think their time is more precious than mine.

I have no interest in having text relationships with anyone. Fine for a quick message or a question or to check in on someone. But I couldn't keep a relationship going through text. Would rather meet up or have a call.

Thank you all for the messages , I recently met up with one friend who I hadn't seen in 2 years , it was like time hasn't passed and it was so nice to see her . 😊 thank you all .

My problem is by the time I have dealt with whatever has taken my attention- I don't have an unread message to remind me...
Problem is kids, husband and work and everything else I deal with. Sometimes it feels so chaotic that I don't remember- or I leave messages on unread and the kids open them so my reminder to respond is gone...
Sorry but working full time in nhs, carer for my husband, caring for young kids and looking after a house and myself is tiring and I become forgetful when tired