I am “friends” with my daughter’s partner’s mother. We became friends because our children were moving in together, and so we spent a lot of time together. I felt like I should show willing, but have become her emotional crutch.
She has no other close friends-her neighbours occasionally ask how she is doing, but socially everyone has disengaged. She has always been difficult according to her children, but since her husband left she has been an emotional timebomb. She drinks heavily, as in 2-4 bottles of wine every night. She can be very cutting verbally-she regularly calls people she is apparently friendly with “ten tonne Tessa’s” when they are a size 10-12 (this is relevant as I am obese) and uses derogatory language towards them. She is a massive hypochondriac-I cancelled our plans yesterday because I had a migraine and she said I should be demanding an MRI! And I was weak and not advocating for myself if I didn’t.
She regularly reprimands me for my parenting, saying that I don’t advocate enough for my children, and telling my daughter to call her friend (they are both 7!) a “silly little bitch” if she is mean to her! No!! She also doesn’t believe in autism. Both my children are diagnosed autistic. Her son is also clearly autistic-he will only eat one food, has violent outbursts, has one special interest and still uses milk teeth toothpaste at 18 years old, but she says that my daughter is clearly not autistic because she is so similar to her son, who doesn’t have autism!
She calls repeatedly-if you don’t pick up she will re-dial 6-8 times, then call my daughter, then her child until someone picks up and then demands to know why I’m not answering my phone. She has absolutely ruled my family’s life for the past three years. She also said my daughter is pregnant and lying to me about not being because “her nose has changed”. It hasn’t, and that is not a pregnancy symptom 😂.
I cannot take it any more, but I am worried about the fall out for my daughter when I do step back. The “friend” will be furious and will likely take it out on her child and my daughter. I feel like I have created such a mess, and that I’m leaving her children, who I care about deeply, to crash and burn with her. I also feel sad for both of my children, as they are really close to her children, and will miss them. How do I step away from this as cleanly as possible?