Lack of sex- is this common?

[Rustybin]

dh and I have been married for 15 years and together for 20. Both early 40’s with two teens.

We are both happy together ( I think) but we just hardly ever have sex. We can go months with nothing. I’m not sure how or why it’s happened, it just has!!

Is this the same for anyone else?

So long as you both cool with it, why not? It's been three years here with no, problems

I'm the same age as you, married.. we average 2/3 times per week.
Does it bother either of you, have you spoke about it?

Are you both happy with this? Do you communicate about it? Do you still have intimacy / affection in other ways?

If u are both happy with the situation that's fine. If it concerns you why not have a conversation about it- on neutral territory?

I been with my husband for 22 years and married 6
We haven't had sex since before Christmas
It ain't everything in life
We get on great go out hold hands kiss

We still happy x

Do either of you wish you had more sex? If both are you are happy then it doesn’t matter how common or not it is to have sex infrequently, every couple is different.

I'd communicate clearly to make sure that you're both happy about it before assuming that you both are, as sometimes it just becomes a habit to scroll on phones and go to bed at different times and sex just doesn't happen yet again, but both partners may wish it had. If you're both happy, then I wouldn't worry! Many married couples are exactly the same.

When you do have sex, is it lovely, or awkward? Are either of you feeling resentful or ignored? Are either of you making overtures that are then not reciprocated because you're too tired or trying to claw back time for yourself? Either of you feeling insecure in your own skin eg. If you've put on weight and just not feeling particularly attractive?

This is so normal - to such an extent that there are tonnes of articles and things I've read over the years about how to get over it, eg. Date nights, timetabling it, having sex in the morning or having sex before you go out for dinner as afterwards you'll invariably be too tired/tipsy. And of course, taking care of yourself physically and mentally so you feel at your best and most attractive (to yourself, not just for your DH!)

I find that the evening is when DH and I try to claw back time for our own interests (as individuals), so inevitably are not "connected" unless we make an effort. The best way round this is to make the time for ourselves some other time in the day so in the evenings we aren't desperately trying to carve out time alone/away from the family. (File this under "taking care of yourself mentally" as above)