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Managing with baby and older child

5 replies

Teenycheff · 25/08/2024 17:11

Newborn DC is 2 weeks. We have an older DC (nearly 8) and our situation is different from most as they are home educated due to ASD (highly academically gifted but cannot cope socially with school) so there is no daily school run to contend with but also means I have them around most of the time. They attend a brilliant alternative educational setting 2 days a week 10-3.30 which annoyingly is 45 minutes on the bus (I can't drive as I get migraines that cause me to lose my sight temporarily) - we're used to this and it's fine but with an EBF baby in tow I'm panicking slightly about it, along with just generally managing everything. DH (who is Dad to both) is nearing the end of his paternity leave now and I'm just feeling a bit fragile about really basic things like getting dinner on the table at a reasonable time given baby wants to feed at unpredictable times. Older DC is absolutely brilliant and independent in a lot of respects but requires a lot of 1:1 stimulation, and also needs to stick relatively to a routine, and I don't want them to feel sidelined by the baby.

I know people do this all the time and I just need to crack on with it but would love some tips from those more experienced. It's a big age gap and most stuff online deals with managing toddlers and newborns.

OP posts:
JDob · 25/08/2024 17:56

You need to talk to your older child about this. That a baby cannot manage without you, but they can. Get them to help with baby and you. Think about a childminder for help with the school run. Also think about schooling for the 8 year old. They will get bored with a baby on tow.

Teenycheff · 25/08/2024 18:04

JDob · 25/08/2024 17:56

You need to talk to your older child about this. That a baby cannot manage without you, but they can. Get them to help with baby and you. Think about a childminder for help with the school run. Also think about schooling for the 8 year old. They will get bored with a baby on tow.

Plenty of home educators do manage with multiple kids of various ages. School isn't an option for my child.

OP posts:
DoloresOnTheDottedLine · 25/08/2024 19:47

I’ve got a six year old who is currently on school hols and a two week old newborn. DP back at work (outside the house, long days and commute) on Tuesday. I feel exactly the same as you - fragile! Stressing about how I’m going to manage the evening cluster feeding in particular around getting dinner, bath and bed for the eldest. And how we will get out of the house for 8.30am when she’s back at school is an absolute mystery. So no advice but lots of solidarity. It’s going to be a rocky couple of weeks I think. Congratulations on your new baby and good luck!

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KNein · 25/08/2024 19:54

Have a spare set of clothes ready at the front door. Baby will need changing just as you're dashing for the bus!
Aim to be ready to leave 10 minutes early.
Wearing a sling or carrier to feed on the bus.
Don't drop the elder one as soon as the baby starts crying. They will notice, the baby won't if you leave it a few extra seconds whilst you finish off what you were doing together.
Would the oldest sit with and read to the baby whilst you get dinner.
Bath at the same time?

Teenycheff · 25/08/2024 19:55

DoloresOnTheDottedLine · 25/08/2024 19:47

I’ve got a six year old who is currently on school hols and a two week old newborn. DP back at work (outside the house, long days and commute) on Tuesday. I feel exactly the same as you - fragile! Stressing about how I’m going to manage the evening cluster feeding in particular around getting dinner, bath and bed for the eldest. And how we will get out of the house for 8.30am when she’s back at school is an absolute mystery. So no advice but lots of solidarity. It’s going to be a rocky couple of weeks I think. Congratulations on your new baby and good luck!

That's it! The cluster feeding! No idea how to manage it!

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