Help me unpick who (if anyone) is unreasonable in this family issue?

[Barrenfieldoffucks]

This is so.minor it almost isn't worth asking, but I do have ADHD and massive rejection sensitive dysphoria as a result...so it is always worth me checking my reactions.

My parents are selling something expensive...say a caravan. It is a particular size and sleeps a particular number of people.

We are in the market to buy something similar. Theirs is about 3 times the price we were looking to spend, and not quite what we/DH had in mind so we didn't approach them about it.

He has since found one we want, and bought it. Told my parents excitedly on our group chat, and just got a "You could have had ours..." in response, and they have blanked us since. Normal response to my mind would be "Ah, how exciting! What fun, congratulations". Or whatever.

I said as much to my mum (gently), and she is ignoring me too.

Now, on the one hand, I wonder if they're thinking it would have helped them out if we had have bought it, as they would have not had the ongoing storage fees, would have had the cash etc . Worth saying they are better off than we are. Maybe feel we are 'snubbing' their caravan?

On the other, it wasn't what DH wanted, was a lot more than we wanted to spend...and if they had have offered to give it to us, it makes for an awkward ongoing dynamic around it. (Family dynamics can be weird.) Dh's point is that as independent adults we can choose what to spend our money on, much as they can, and even if they were feeling that we 'should' have bought it/had it, they should respect that and be polite etc.

I am very aware that I carry a lot of overthinking when it comes to my family, so I don't know who, if anyone is potentially in the wrong here?

He is, so I'm disappointed on his behalf. We live near my parents so they are a big part of our life and he sees them regularly. However his parents have both passed and his brothers live a fair way away, so I'm sad for him when this sort of thing happens as it threatens to taint it.

But we can't win, I mentioned that this boat would be sailable single handed so DH can have some solo adventures, and she replied "oh I see, we assumed that it was a purchase for the whole family" which just feels so passive aggressive. So if we had bought something with the family in mond we would be wrong because in that case we should have bought theirs, but if we buy something with the intention of doing solo as well, he is being selfish etc.

Anyway, I am very aware that this is a ridiculous amount of discussion over something so minor, but I do appreciate people humouring me here as I don't want to go on about it to DH as it will taint the whole excitement, and he's probably already feeling hurt at their response/lack of earlier.

"We would have reduced the price or given it to you" I know I am suspicious but my first reaction was "well she can say that now"

A boat is different to a caravan. A boat has soul.

I'd just ignore your mum til she comes round

It does doesn't it, it's more than just a practical choice.

I'm sure they would have done, they're very kind parents really.

I just knew from the op it was a boat. Men can get funny on boats, as you have seen with your dad.

They are being U, but hopefully will come round soon. Would've been great to get the larger one for free but then you could not have sailed it solo which was always a requirement. ^
^
Enjoy your new boat!

If they knew you were in the market to purchase a boat, why didn't they give you first refusal on theirs?

You haven't done anything wrong. They are being weird.

PS what are you naming your boat? (If that's not too intrusive)

They are very personal aren't they, I think DH felt that even if theirs was the right boat for us, it would always feel like my dad's, even more so if they gave her to us or heavily discounted it. Any changes he'd want to make would be commented on etc or taken personally.

She's called Silver Bird, which we will be keeping.

I assume they are angry because they missed the chance of keeping it in the family, and thus retaining some control.

Of course, that would've meant (as your DH feared) , that it wouldn't be his/your boat, it would've been all of yours boat. Which would be awfully tricky to navigate.

There may be an element of that, I feel like they are affronted we didn't ask them for/about theirs, I think they'd like us to be more 'enmeshed' with them than we are. That there's an offence that we didn't want theirs, and of course it would stop them wanting to find a buyer.

They have had boats before which were 'in the family' for a long time and were far more sentimental, one of which they offered us instead of selling (talking nearly a decade ago) but we declined, because as kind as it was that particular boat would have coat a lot to keep and maintain and we had very young children, and very little time or money. That was accepted slightly grudgingly and she was sold, but was hard to sell due to her type which I think they had been trying to avoid. They do know that DH in particular has had many boats before, just not since having the kids, so he's an experienced owner who has his own likes and dislikes etc.

Nice name!