Tell me about teen rejection/avoidance

[okydokethen]

Not sure how to describe it but obviously I've heard about teens loosing interest in parents.

I'm on holiday just me and kids. I've always considered to be very close with DD who is now 13.

I don't think she's had a single nice thing to say. Just complaints and ailments,doesn't want to get up when her brother and I are ready to go.

It's all woeful except when she is doing exactly what she wants.

Our 'moments of connection' are very small! And it's hurting - probably also by fact I'm only adult alone here so maybe it's unreasonable but I just want to have a laugh and fun with both kids.

I don't know, I've said to her a couple of times about it and apologised when I've annoyed her (which I do easily) but is it just the norm that I do everything she wants and needs and she gives back very little?

The hurt I feel from the ‘rejection’ I get from my teen DD has cut me in ways I can’t describe. I can’t help with any of her school work, even stuff I know about well like Art and History. I can’t go shopping with her for clothes or make any suggestions - it’s a total push back from her. We don’t have explosive rows though, she doesn’t stomp around telling me she hates me - am relieved about that. But I find her disinterest and dismissal of me the most hurtful thing ever. But I look back at the way I thought my own late mother was from a completely different planet from the one I inhabited - and how she just barely registered in my daily life - and I remember being annoyed when she came and sat on my bed and tried really hard to strike up conversation and I just wanted her to go away - I think of that and could weep - and realise that this is just payback and I need to suck it up.

We have our lovely moments from time to time but I don’t force them and she knows I’m always there for her. I think it’s part of her finding out who she is, trying things on for size, carving out some sense of self. Just keep doing things that interest you and she might be tempted to join in from time-to-time if she sees you’re having fun.

Good luck!

My DS doesn't speak to me at all, he's 14. I never give up, I keep on chatting but I get absolutely nothing from him. He chats, laughs and sings with his friends so I'm reduced to listening in when he's online with them to get any insight into his life at all.

It's like a long, painful breakup.

Ds (12) is like this. He’s been a miserable pain in the arse on the last two holidays we’ve been on; constantly whining for bubble tea, sighing, complaining and just being totally draining. He’s always loved family board games, but when I suggested one last night he wailed “Oh nooooooo not more Family Time, we did this last night, it’s not faaaiirr”.

All he wants to do is be left alone, play on screens or see his friends. I suppose it’s normal, but it does hurt. He used to be fun and charming and loveable.

If it's any consolation, I think a lot of teenagers do this, and then come out on the other side! My 17 yr old DD was exactly like this 2 years ago, absolutely horrible and then would get upset when she thought her sister was 'the favourite'. Now there is a total role reversal with the 14 year old being a miserable little so and so and the older one an absolute delight.

Hang in there and just try to appreciate it when they grace you with some niceness!

They come back to you eventually based on our experience with adult DC, but we are going through this with DS 15. On a recent holiday he would barely speak to us, wouldn't join in any family games, kept going back to the room, moaned about sharing space with us. He refuses to let me help with schoolwork or homework. He won't go anywhere with us that he might be seen by his friends, moans about clothes we buy but won't go shopping with us, or get his own. It's exhausting.

God so sad.
Show them stories about children who have lost their parents and would give anything to have them back.
Ungrateful teenagers don't know how lucky are.
Don't want family time. Be sorry if there was no family time.
Worst story of taking people for granted I've seen.