Advice at a difficult time

[Maxifly]

My husband is on chemotherapy for lung cancer. Obviously not feeling well most of the time but tries to stay as positive as possible. We're both absolutely appalled at the lack of phonecalls or visits from friends and neighbours. We have a small family and they're good with the time they have available. He's talking about deleting their numbers and cutting contact permanently. I'm worried he may regret this in the long run, even his best man can't be bothered. The Ukrainian family we sponsored 2 years ago are the same,after we did loads for them. I think it's a case of not wanting to 'bother' him and not knowing what to say. I know there are support groups out there, but it's people he knows he's wanting to talk to. Yes he could ring them but in the past it's always been him to ring them, now he would like it to be reciprocated. Anyone else had this? I'm struggling too.

Is there a sort of head of the family figure you could speak to? They might be feeling they don't want to intrude and mentioning that to them in passing they might be able to put your DH mind at rest that that's the case but also mention to the others that your husband won't feel intruded on.

I would imagine they'll think he'll be tired and worry about bothering him.
It's hard to know how much is too much contact when someone's having chemo.

I suppose he is the Head of the family, parents and sister dead. It's friends and neighbours really and our family are not familiar with them due to living elsewhere

I understand that people are worried about disturbing him if he wants to rest, but I know for sure it would give him a lift.

I've not heard from a friend for 8 months now, they knew I was having cancer treatment and haven't bothered to ask once since how I'm doing. I've been totally shocked by it. A couple of other friends also weren't in touch much. I think once people hear the C word something happens to them and they don't behave in the usual way. It's really sad. Sorry you're going through this

I think I would end up saying to somebody oh Dh would love to hear from you. I know it should be them doing the leg work but maybe you could do it for him x

Btw I am so sorry your husband is poorly x

@Maxifly would you consider contacting his closest friends/family on the Q.T.?

People, somehow, seem very reluctant/apprehensive about contacting when hearing about a cancer diagnosis.

Wishing both you and your husband all the best🌻

There's no excuse not to contact someone, especially when they are unwell. Can you text any of them to say that he'd love to hear from them. A neutral message, don't tell him you've done it.

From my experience it is what people do. When DH was undergoing treatment we certainly found out who were true friends and who were fairweather ones. I am sorry you are experiencing this too and I wish you both every luck in the world

Thank you for your kind messages. I have contacted 2 people on the quiet to ask them to ring him, no results yet. I'm going to try more people tomorrow. I worry about him getting proper depression through this situation. I'm getting snapped at sometimes, then he's sorry because he knows I'm doing all I can.