Be kind to a stranger today

[Globules]

Yesterday I bumped into a friend outside Sainsbury's.

Whilst we stood chatting, a wonderful stranger interrupted our conversation to tell me how amazing I looked, how she loved my dress, how elegant I looked and how much the dress suited my colouring.

It absolutely made my day!

So I going to pay it forward today. I'm going to try and make a strangers day by being kind or complimentary to them.

I urge you to do the same!

Really? Okay then. So only people with nice vibes are to get compliments? On their looks… sounds erm, shallow and meaningless to me.

Oh this just reminded me (earlier on this year) I was between 30-35 weeks pregnant and collecting DC from nursery. There is a large 10ft metal gate between the school and nursery grounds and 2 young school girls (probably 7/8?) told me I looked so beautiful. I had just rolled off the sofa from a 3 hour nap to collect DC. I had to hood my breath to thank them, I was about to cry and I did in the car! I remember it so clearly and how happy it made me. I had a really rough pregnancy and spent a lot of time in hospital, it really did give me a boost. Whoever is raising those little girls are doing it right!

I love giving compliments and our family moto is raise others up and don't be a dick. So many people post the #bekind crap but forget that it's in real life this stuff matters.

We went to a show recording recently, I was very stressed, absolutely knackered and frankly was wondering if the food outlet sold gin (turned out only Gordon's and the 'nice pink wine in a can' wasnt nice) when a lovely tween patted me on the shoulder and told me how lovely my hair looked and that my daughter was lucky to have a trendy mum (apparently ancient skinny jeans and band t-shirts are a thing, I haven't changed my look since 2003!!!) It made me very happy and I shared some of my moams with her too!!!

Her Mum looked embarrassed until I pointed out her daughter was lovely and had cheered up a very stressful day! I also added that it was nice to see confidence in girls and that she's clearly done a great job as a Mum, which made her happy too!!!

@fourelementary Well yes.. you've literally said you wouldn't want to hear it 😂

Love a dog compliment. I remember a car full of young lads slowing down once while I was dog walking and I was thinking "oh god here we go" and one of them wound down the window, leaned out and went "your dog is amazing, what a good dog" then off they drove. Still makes me giggle.

Yep

I think people should just be genuine and kinder in their everyday interactions than have an aim to “be kind to a stranger” if being kind is commenting on their looks especially… it’s like people will have this as another thing in their tick list of the day and mark it off as done… rather than generally being aware that even small positive interactions can have a big impact on people just as negative ones can also have a big impact if you’re already having a shitty day.

So just be kinder? But be aware of the everyday sexism in commenting on appearances and looks and attractiveness as things to aspire to for women…that’s all I was trying to say. Not to piss on anyone’s chips.

I have an excellent hairdresser and therefore excellent hair, so at least once a week I have someone random ask me who cuts it. (Hopefully not always people who are mentally unwell!) Every time I go to the salon he tells me he has a new client who I sent there.

@Glenthebattleostrich perfect illustration of what we're talking about.
The nicest random compliment I ever had was about 30 years ago when I was travelling on a train with my eldest, then a toddler. A woman told me I was doing a doing a great job because I was interacting so well with him. In truth the constant chatter between me and him was entertaining us both. But the woman's words really lifted a tired mum!

If someone obviously puts effort into choosing what they wear, maybe with their makeup done etc. then it isn’t shallow to recognize that.

The fact it’s meaningless to you is irrelevant, and that you feel entitled to belittle those who can appreciate things you can’t even conceptualise really speaks more about you and your character than it does about theirs.

…and of course if people are giving “Fuck Off” or volatile vibes, then yes that does tend to preclude others approaching -for any reason. You can’t have it both ways- simultaneously signalling “Fuck Off”, being resentful of those who receive compliments and belittling those who make them. You just sound bitter and frankly jealous.

I always remember conversations from strangers that have been kind to me - it's lovely

How ironic that on a thread about the importance of kindness you feel it appropriate to say someone sounds bitter and jealous. Let’s just say for a minute I WAS actually bitter and jealous? Maybe I’m really ugly, no partner, a shitty job with no money to buy nice things, and so I feel I might never be one of the lucky few to be singled out by a mumsnetter on a mission to compliment someone today….

How would your comment help? You sound aggressive in your double use of profanities in response to someone just trying to offer an alternative opinion. Are you an angry person? Do you need to have a look at your own attitude or vibe? You’re putting words into my mouth that were never there, I wonder why?

Anyway this isn’t the spirit in which this thread was started. As I said in my last post all I wanted to do was to open people’s eyes to the fact that internalised misogyny is real- look at how we think that commenting on looks is “nice” when also trying to raise our girls to not be obsessed by looks or believe that who they are and what they do is more important than what they look like. Despite that we face a barrage of messages from the world around us that girls value IS linked directly to their looks and appearances. And that is sad and debasing. And has resulted in the society “norm” of fake lashes, fillers, fake tan, “baby Botox” and filters on all photos…

Why would it be so hard to just compliment a woman on something other than her looks?

I don't think anyone is suggesting we always comment solely on looks. My examples - dogs, and the time a stranger complimented my parenting - shows we can be positive in many and varied ways. Looks, clothes, hair etc are just other examples.

Of course there's always a chance someone might take offence at a comment about parenting, even if it is positive. Hopefully that's not likely though.

Maybe I'm really ugly

Why would it be so hard to just compliment a woman on something other than her looks?

"You did a great job on that presentation last week" doesn't really ring true from a stranger, does it @fourelementary ?

And she never commented on my natural features. She commented on how lovely the dress was and how well it suited me. I'd spent ages looking for that dress when I bought it, as the event I purchased it for was an important one, so I was chuffed she said what she said 3 years after purchase.

It probably helped that my friend and I were laughing lots as we chatted, as (as cheesy as it sounds) a smile is the best accessory to any outfit imo. Happy people are much more likely to receive a compliment from a stranger. I find some of the posts on this thread rather sad tbh.

A stranger once stopped me at the checkout in Sainsbury's to say what lovely hair I had and how lucky I am to have naturally curly hair. It was much needed at the time as I was in an abusive relationship constantly being put down.

I remember being in McDonald's when a young lad came in with his carer, they didn't have enough for what he wanted so the carer was trying to explain he had to not get something. I'd just paid for mine and saw so turned round and gave him the amount he was short by. Both the lad and the carer were grateful.

Little acts of kindness go a long way to make people happy.

I paid for someone's parking the other day at the hospital where I was with my Dad. He'd got a fiver on him and the machine only took cards or change of which he had neither. He was trying to pay for whoever had taken him. Those machines are so confusing and the stress of trying to sort it out when you've had a hospital appointment is awful. I know I made his day for the price of £2-50. He tried to give me his fiver and I sad no thank you 😊

I wouldn't. I would be happy for my friend whose style got complimented and wouldn't make it about myself.

It's interesting reading this thread. @Globules was clearly delighted with the compliment, so that's a great thing. It's helpful to know that not everyone would welcome it though. This is where MN is a great window into the word.

The thread title was kindness to strangers which I do agree with, and aspire to.
I think there's a lot to be said for striking up conversations with strangers, and just reading their responses. Know when to leave!

I imagine there's a higher proportion of ND people and introverts on Internet forums so there'll be more anxiety in some people about not being able to read social cues.

That's really nice 💕

You can compliment someone on anything, if it's a stranger it's likely to be something aesthetic unless you've had some kind of interaction with them. There doesn't have to be anything sinister about complimenting someone about their looks, I often to this to males and females both older and younger.

My sister and I were having coffee one day and she spotted a woman in a beautiful coat and was desperate to know where she could buy one.
She went over and complemented her on it and asked where it was from.

It was from Harrods and cost 6K ... no wonder it looked so good 😁

We stilll laugh about it now

I've been complimented a few times by strangers in my life, and I remember each one of them, so YANBU.

The nicest I think was when I was a waitress, and sometimes my kids would end up waiting in the cafe for me if DH's shift overlapped with mine after school. So they'd sit at a table and read or draw till I was done.

A regular, an older woman, came up as she was leaving and asked if they were mine. I said yes. She said she and husband had been watching and couldn't get over how lovely and well-behaved they were. That made me feel great. Never forgotten that.

She insulted your friend though- does that not bother you? It's only important she was nice to you, whatever was said to your friend? She doesn't sound "kind".

She didn't insult the friend. She complimented a dress, and that the person wearing the dress looked good in it. If OP had been with a male friend I doubt they would have felt insulted at that (so why would another woman) 😂

@MoveToParis Well said, that poster just wants to be the voice of gloom on a positive thread.