Social anxiety? Please help me identify this particular condition/ anxiety/ MH issue

[Andthelightnevercomes]

I get incredibly anxious and awkward around groups of people I know. If I see groups of people chatting or socialising together, even if I know everyone in the group I will not approach. I can almost feel the panic taking over. My thoughts are along the lines of they won’t want me there, this is awkward, and I suppose a sense of rejection I don’t really know. I completely almost freeze and just try and avoid as much as I can as if I want the ground to swallow me up. I’ve had this for as long as I can remember or at least back to mid teens. What could this be- does it have a name other than social anxiety? I don’t know how to overcome it and can’t even name it to start.

Therapy will help.

Could you give a little context- general age, if you're a student, just moved to an area, nothing specific just wondering what advice would help.

I don’t always think things need a name-it could be a lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, shyness, anxious about some social situations. I agree having some therapy might help you to work through it though.

@jennylamb1 sadly not a student. I’m 38 and a mum of 2 now. Actually maybe in work I find it slightly easier but probably wouldn’t attempt to join a group of people I know for lunch etc if they were already all sitting together. Not moved to a new area but noticing it more in the school playground at pickup. If my neighbours are out chatting while their kids play out front it makes me anxious having to go out if mine want to play.

@LeafHunter @Shinyandnew1 thank you I’m guessing private is the only way forward for therapy? I guess there are no meds that would help because it’s linked to situations rather than an overall daily feeling

CBT, which is what the NHS offers, is pretty effective for this. Talk to your GP!

Me too. Like wouldn’t it be awful if I joined the group and no one spoke to me or ignored me when I spoke, and I just had to stand / sit there awkwardly. I think it’s a self esteem thing, I wasn’t the most popular kid at school and I have always assumed people won’t want me to be part of a group. I think the advice is usually to not listen to your negative thoughts, give it a try, etc, but being honest some groups can be bitchy / cliquey so there’s an element of it might happen as far as I’m concerned!, I tend to stick to smaller groups or just being happy in my own company!

I don't know if therapy is the answer to everything here. I understand what you feel at times especially the lunch thing. If groups are congregated together already I think we assume they are deep in chat or have already arranged it, so I think perhaps it's a sense of benign 'too' socially aware. It's that feeling of they might not want an extra person or you might be interrupting something. Also the school thing is always awkward as you don't know what people are deep in convo about. I usually just approach a mum I know if she's alone but If I see a group talking I'm quite happy to stand alone. Don't think I need therapy for this.

@Babyshambles90 thanks yes I almost can’t figure out what it is I’m feeling. Just that I’ll spoil it or drag everyone down or was this an organised thing I wasn’t invited to and I’m not wanted. I do try but it’s like my body is in some form of panic response - heart racing etc and I just go into protect mode. Maybe this makes me look rude or weird as I would sit or stand away from people I know but I just can’t bring myself to insert myself. One on one I’d be absolutely fine to approach someone even if I barely knew them.

I think that the way you feel is a lot more common than you might at first think. When I first had a baby I was thrown into a world of having to initiate contacts with people I didn't know at baby groups and later at the school gate. Some conversation starters may be all that you need, such as just saying 'morning,' or commenting on the weather or parking something like that. It's OK to feel nervous, many of the most outwardly confident people I've met have issues going on as well.