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The face that never fits

9 replies

Dawndarkness · 23/08/2024 17:49

We live in a village. Have my 5yo and she’s just started school. She’s been at nursery in the village up until now. We, and the nursery, and doctors suspect she’s maybe neurodiverse and she is really quiet and shy around her peers and doesn’t show any real interest in playing with them. She plays really well with her 3YO sister. Any attempts i’ve made to try and organise play dates in the past have been brushed off politely along the lines of yes we should but never giving a date. I’m not really sure if this is because i’m seen as boring or if it’s that maybe the other kids wouldn’t get much out of it. It makes me beyond sad to think my unlike-ability could be impacting my girls now. I just feel so so alone here. For various reasons - doing a heavily male oriented degree and work, and moving around I don’t have many (any) good friends. All the other Mums seem so close. There were loads of the Mums from her class just hanging out in the park with wine and snacks. I know them all to small talk to from the nursery history etc. I felt so awkward on the periphery and got back and just cried and cried - not because I was left out of not invited but just because I never seem to be able to build what they have. The village is reasonably isolated and so any hobbies/ groups etc I’ve tried are with the same pool of people as it would be an hour round trip to parts of the nearest city. Sometimes I want to move but feel like I’m the problem so the problem would move with me. I feel so lost and don’t know how to change.

OP posts:
eggandchip · 24/08/2024 10:19

School is for children not for the parents.
And seeing a bunch of mums in the park drinking wine would put me off.
I dont get the play date thing let kids make friends at school by them selfs it apart of learning.

DowngradedToATropicalStorm · 24/08/2024 10:22

@eggandchip is right. I am like you but I have no interest in interacting with other humans outside of home.

Lovemybunnies · 24/08/2024 10:27

Villages can be awful, really cliquey. I doubt very much that it is you 💐.

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Mediumred · 24/08/2024 10:47

Poor you! That sounds tough!

has she literally just started in the last week or two? (Assuming you might be in scotland) in which case it is such early days.

are there not any mums that seem a tiny bit more approachable? Or any that also dont seem in the clique? Just try a bright and breezy convo at pick-up ‘how’s little jonny finding it so far?’

I’m sure your daughter will find her path, it sounds like she has a lovely relationship with her sister, and am sure you are not ‘unlikeable’. Your post and concern for your daughter are really touching.

Good luck

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 24/08/2024 12:40

I really feel for you, @Dawndarkness. I've had similar feelings about not finding a place in groups of friends/acquaintances.

I don't know what the answer is, but please ignore the first two replies. You clearly have more social skills and curiosity than those posters.

What activities are there for children locally? At least then the focus is on the kids and it's more low key for the adults.

Dawndarkness · 24/08/2024 18:08

Thanks so much everyone. I realised soon after I posted that it was probably just a lot of self pity and thought I’d deleted the thread so I appreciate the replies. @Mediumred yes we’re in Scotland. She seems happy so that’s the main thing she is happy flying solo it seems. I just don’t want her ever feeling how I have felt always on the outside @TryingAgainAgainAgain I think i suddenly felt a bit of despair being in our village as it’s a such a small pool of people and I just realised I’m not going to meet anyone to have a meaningful friendship with. We’re such a trip from the nearest city/ town and moving isn’t really an option at the moment. I know it’s not a given but I just always had hope of making some friends via my kids (I know that sounds selfish but for the reasons in my OP I was always a bit lonely and it seemed like an opportunity) and yesterday it felt like that was a dead end too. I’ve been trying to give my head a wobble today.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 24/08/2024 18:54

Sounds tough but honestly you need to dance to your own tune

And let your kids do that also

You can't force friendships

coxesorangepippin · 24/08/2024 18:55

Definitely do what trying again suggested and look at activities

There'll be a greater diversity of kids out there

Dawndarkness · 24/08/2024 19:08

@coxesorangepippin thanks, you’re absolutely right I can’t force anyone and would never badger or attempt to. I wouldn’t want someone to be friends with me for any other reason than they wanted to be. I always lived in cities before and didn’t feel alone so I think it’s living in a close knit village when you’re not part of the knit. I was just sad yesterday and felt so alone and maybe posted in haste or desperation but it’s a first world problem for sure. I’ll look into what is on for kids (and adults) and maybe come across something new.

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