Is this normal for grief?

[Rosieposy89]

Hello,

3 months ago my lovely sister died aged 32. She was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer and died 10 weeks later. It all seemed very sudden as our family were not aware she was so ill - she had been losing weight, not eating and tired but these were all rather vague symptoms. The time after she was diagnosed was horrific, she was mostly in hospital, lost the ability to do self care etc.

The added stress to this is that I've found out my parent's cancer is back and they need surgery.

3 months after my sister's death, I am still dreaming of her constantly, sometimes they are nice dreams other times they are distressing. I am finding I think of her so much. Some thoughts I have are not nice - for example, I can't stop thinking how scared she must have been when she was diagnosed and when she found out she was dying (we didn't really talk about it when she was here).

Is this all normal grief behaviour?

Oh my lovely. I think that's all normal. Everyone's grief shows in different ways. When my sister died, I was all over the place. The only advice I can give is just ride it, one moment at a time. And when you have a negative thought about your sister try and think about a positive thing. This was hard to do as at the beginning I couldn't remember any positive memories, but they do come back! And remember 3 months is nothing with the amount of time you had your sister. Go gently with yourself.

It’s all normal and you’ve got the added shock as well. The dreams will ease. I promise. ❤️

Hi, firstly I’m so sorry for your loss 💐
I think it is ‘normal’. There’s no real ‘normal’ with bereavement. There are the stages - anger, bargaining, depression, denial, acceptance - but that’s not a linear process like some people think. It changes and you cycle through. My Mum died 17 years ago and I still have these feelings, it’s just less intense now. This was all very sudden for you too.
I dreamt about my Mum all the time when she first died. I remember in a dream I actually said to ‘Please stop visiting my dreams. It’s lovely to see you but it makes me so sad when I wake up again’.
I wonder if some bereavement counselling might be helpful, especially with your parent being il too.