People who you used to be close with!

[AwkwardAadvark]

Sorry about the title!
I saw my parents last night and they're friends. I realised they've been mates for 40 years! We grew up with their 2 daughters think sleepovers, pick ups from school, holidays. Anyway now we're older I realised we haven't been friends with their daughters for 20 years. No fall outs just drifted I suppose.
I then thought I'm in touch with no one from primary or secondary or uni. Is that odd? I was so close to a girl in secondary but we haven't seen each other for years. Honestly I didn't really gel with anyone at uni.
I just feel like long term friendships aren't my thing ?

You have to invest in friendships, plan meet ups, text that sort of thing - otherwise it can be easy to drift. There's only a few friendships I really invest in to be honest!

I sometimes feel likes it's me making the effort though so I step back. Also had some quite bitchy things done to me.

I just feel like long term friendships evade me.

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. Short term friendships can fill your cup too and you never know which ones will stick.

I have 3 school friends for over 50 years now . Our kids were not really friends though as ages differ but they all know of each other. Been there for each other marriages, births , bereavement and now grandchildren. It is strange that we can revert to old jokes and behaviours when we get together.

I really try to invest in my friendships and honestly it can be hard work.

I love them all dearly but along with kids, work and just general family life I can totally understand how people let friendships slide.
I don't even have a huge number of close friends and I often feel guilty that I haven't seen them for a few weeks.

Lots of people don't necessarily have long term friendships and it doesn't have any reflection I think on the person (well not always). Reasons can vary; people may have moved around a lot, have health issues or dc with health issues, unsociable work hours.

I have 2 best friends from school who are local who I see usually once a month, 3 uni friends 2 of who I see twice a year and the other one about 5 times a year.
I have a group of 'mum friends' 5 of us who we meet up in various combos and then my 2 sisters are also my best friends who I probably see weekly.

It takes a lot of thinking and I make a conscious effort to check in if not spoken for a while. Try and remember key events. And I've probably dropped the ball over the years but try to be forgiving back if I'm the one making the effort for a while. It's all give and take and no one's life always runs smoothly.

Thanks for the replies. Maybe it's just me. I tend to find when I stop contacting people they never bother again so 💁

I'm like you and sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with me. I don't have any friends from school or uni apart from Facebook acquaintances.

Someone who I would consider to be a very good friend (have known her for 18 years since our eldest were babies) has a group of 8 school friends who she meets up with a few times a year, and a group of Uni friends, so I'm a 'new' friend relatively to her, but she's one of my oldest. The same with my other good friends. I'm not their oldest or 'best' friend, although as an adult I have invested time and effort into the people who I've clicked with in some way.

I've given this a lot of thought over the years...I think I've changed a lot from the person I was when I was younger, and also I had a long term boyfriend who I met at the start of Uni but broke up with the year after graduation, so a lot of friendships drifted then. Also, I have a big family which has always taken up a lot of time, and I'm a big time introvert so I'm just a bit rubbish at keeping in touch. I try not to let it get me down, but it can be tough OP, I know where you're coming from.

I’m the same as you. I have one very old friend but as we live in different countries now and have pretty different lives (she’s childless by choice and is planning an early retirement around age 40, I’ve got small kids and will probably work until I die lol), we don’t really talk much at all. Maybe twice a year over text.

I was also thinking recently about how with social media, there are some people I thought were very close (and once would have called best friends) to me who I seem to now only communicate with in memes and jokes. It’s really tiresome. Anytime I try to reach out and talk about real life, it’s ignored, then I’m sent more “funny” memes and jokes about old times we’ve shared. It’s like for some people, memes have replaced genuine interaction, which is seen as annoying or boring. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thanks everyone. I find some people just want digital communication which is odd and boring. Obviously when my parents were raising us none of this existed so maybe it was easier?? I get on great and socialise with people in work and people have told me how well I fit in etc but I know if I left I'd never see them again.

Yes I am the same, no contact with school friends, uni or previous work places. I pick up friends when I start a new work place or study, but I keep people at arm's length and have no interest in deepening it. And that's fine for me. I put my energy into my family, home and hobbies, and I don't want to make time for anyone who I wouldn't normally see through work or other activities, because it would mean giving up time on something else, and I value that more.

I don't see it as a negative trait though or anything that I should try to improve. In a way I see myself as socially independent. I've never needed friends to talk to when I've had to deal with negative experiences or to talk over problems or decisions, or to give me moral support- I much prefer to deal with things on my own and honestly I think the advice I've been given sometimes would have been useless so don't think I've missed out. I also don't like needy people and that's another reason I don't want to get into close friendships as I wouldn't want to get into a situation where people might ask for favours.

I'm a bit like that. I prefer to do my own things so maybe people are a bit put off. I also don't like feeling beholden to anyone

I have been asked if I'm NT before and it makes me wonder.

I mean ND not Nt

Have you relocated during your life at all?

With a couple of exceptions, all my very longtime friends date from my postgrad days, because I think that’s when I started to ‘get’ how to do friendships. Ie I stopped drifting into friendships with whoever was there, and looked around and and made friends with people I really liked. Those have by and large lasted since the late 1990s. DH and I just went on holiday with friends from then, although none of us have lived n the same country since 1999, and had a blast.

No never relocated. Always stayed within 10 miles!!!