I've lost my best friend...

[themusicsoundsbetterwithyou]

And I'm completely broken by it.
We've known each other since we were 8 and kept in touch pretty regularly since, I'm 36 now.
He is honestly so much like me, we are like two peas in a pod except he's a man and I'm a woman. Soul mates maybe, if you believe in that. He is married with a child as am I, I don't think much of his wife but that's a different story (she is abusive towards him). We love all the same stuff, and my life is better with him in it. We have spoken every single day for the last 6 years sometimes deep stuff, sometimes just chat and memes. Every day and about everything. And now, because of a stupid exchange when I was tired and stressed, he's gone. Vanished. Like a ghost. 👻

I feel totally cut adrift without him.
It's painful and I might be heartbroken.
💔

What did you say?

Must be difficult losing a friend like this. Are you sure you don’t see him as more than a friend? Would you like to share more about this exchange as seems an extreme reaction or did you value the friendship more than him possibly?

He's not just my friend, he's my very best friend. Next to my husband, he would be the person I would call, but as I said he's married with children as am I. I think that it wasn't necessarily what I said but maybe more what is going on with him. I'm thinking maybe something is up between him and his wife, although I obviously don't know because he won't say.

He said was I alright and I said fuck no, it had been an awful day and he said tell me about it? And I said it's fucking longggg and you don't want to know!

That doesn’t sound enough for him to cut you off. Do you think his wife has something to do with it?

Sorry you feel so miserable op.

Unless he is violently opposed to strong language, you didn’t say anything wrong op.

Difficult to tell without much context but it sounds like it was the fact you wanted to keep something to yourself that upset him. (Bit of a red flag possibly?)

Also, the elephant in the room is, are both of your spouses entirely happy with their other halves having such a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex? It is quite an unusual friendship.

Finally, how do you know he is gone for good and your friendship is over? When did this happen? Sorry but something isn’t adding up here as it’s hard to understand such a close friend ghosting you like this for little to no reason.

I’d be gutted if my husband was speaking to another woman everyday like this.

id also be really annoyed with someone who said they were feeling terrible but then said it’s too long to talk about it - seems really attention seeking. If lots of your exchanges were like this then perhaps he’d just grown tired?

you probably both need to focus on your own marriages now.

OP, kindly, you're being a bit melodramatic.

Hi
This isn't a normal level of emotional dependence on anyone irrespective of gender. It is particularly eyebrow raising I guess to have such intense feelings for someone outside of your marriage.

To be honest your relationship sounds bit strange. Like it’s normal to have friends but it sounds like you’re secretly in love with him and don’t want to admit it.

I have a male bf. With respect. Are you drunk as your posts dont make sense

I think his wife has probably read your message exchange and given him an ultimatum. She is in all likelihood not abusive towards him. It sounds as though it was an unhealthy level of emotional communication and he’s decided to choose his wife.Please focus on your marriage and your child.

Is that it?? No, you don't cut someone out your life for that - very ordinary exchange. There's clearly another reason behind his disappearance. Probably his wife

I can’t see anything in what you have said that would make someone throw away a healthy friendship.

The only thing I can think of, is if he is extremely sensitive and anxious soul, you saying “you don’t want to know!” when what you meant is, it’s long and I don’t want to go into it, might have felt presumptuous, judgemental, dismissive, and therefore painful.

Are you normally dismissive of emotional stuff with him?

What happened after you sent that message?

How long ago did this happen? I know you usually speak every day but has it been a few days since you spoke? A week? A month? Do you only text or do you call/ meet up? If you’ve been so close for so long I’m assuming your partners have a relationship too- could your husband reach out to him to check in?

And if he did genuinely "cut OP off" (giving silent treatment?) because of that exchange then he's playing mind games and she's better off without him. So no need for all this angst in that situation either.

OP how do you know he's cut you off anyway? How do you know his phone didn't break, he's ill, has suffered some sort of personal or family disaster etc? Why the assumption he's cut you off? By your own admission you only had this exchange "the other day", so not long ago then. Probably a bit soon to say he's ghosted you! If he pops back up with no explanation then he could be playing mind games given you usually talk daily. You're certainly behaving like someone in a toxic relationship, being "heartbroken" because he hasn't spoken to you, for apparently no reason, for what - a few weeks now? This is such a non event the normal reaction would be to be totally unbothered about it and assume he'll be back in touch when whatever busyness has him occupied is completed. He may even be giving you space since you said you were going through something and didn't want to talk about it.

Maybe you're the toxic needy one. I hope you're not being all weird OP and texting or calling daily, even though you don't get a response and he hasn't got back to you. That's a bit stalkery and would surely put anyone off, except someone playing mind games who would enjoy your discomfort.