13yr old asking mummy to cut up food- no SEN!

[Sickofthehip]

Friends came for a meal recently with their 11 and 13yr old children. No physical problems, no SEN. The younger one asked their mum to cut up their meal, then the 13yr old asked the same.
I don't have children, nor much contact with similar aged children, but is this a common thing to do now for tween/teens?

What’s it matter? If my 13 year old asked me to cut his dinner up, I’d just do it. Hardly a 3rd world issue.

Probably not common. 11 year old maybe more likely to ask for help, depending on what was served. Parent probably decided to do it for speed and least disruption when at someone else's house, and agreed to the 13yr old for the same reason.

Do your guests know that you found this unacceptable?

No of course it’s not typical which I’m sure you knew.

Could be dyspraxia? Often goes undiagnosed and people just assume they're clumsy and don't have the best coordination.

I'm Wondering what the hell is going on in the UK if we have these people over parenting their children. 16 year olds can be parents.

Perhaps it was just a way of connecting with you/ trying to make conversation/trying to feel included. Teens can be, naturally, shy or socially awkward.

Or a way of poking fun at the younger sibling!

Nothing's going on. The OP wanted to judge a one-off incident with no context and now you have applied this to all children and parents in the UK.

16-year-olds can be parents, but in nearly all circumstances probably shouldn't be. This example was a 13 and an 11 year old....

This. Maybe they are lazy, maybe they struggle, maybe their mums struggling to loosen the apron strings a bit and they like the dynamics of being cared for. Who really gives a shit? Of all the things to judge someone for, I’d judge you more for trying to take the piss out of your friend and her children. Really classy 👍

So where does the OP 'poke fun'?

Could have been worse she could have still been breastfeeding.
I once new a mum that done it till her child was 6.

I think the fact that someone’s come onto a public forum and written about it, shows that it’s not a common occurrence. And it’s a non issue really, is it?

Thanks for the opinions. I not trying to judge or mock this at all, just trying to work out what happened on the night, because it caused quite a scene. Some answers:
-These are much closer than just friends, but I tried to keep it vague as not necessarily relevant. It became a scene at the dining table when the husband said the children were old enough to cut up their own meals
-To those telling me to up my cooking skills- it wasn't cooked by me!
-Along with veg/salads, the meat was boneless chicken and sausages
-They has steak knives that weren't blunt butter knives
-Neither child has a broken wrist, injury or dyspraxia

Lots of people eat foods that don't need cutting....pasta, rice, burgers so many kids are not getting to eat with cutlery

I suppose that's right. Food you can eat with a fork and perhaps a spoon, or food you pick up and eat without any cutting. Fine, but there are so many lovely foods that do need to be cut up. It's not doing children and teenagers any favours to put them in a position where they look like toddlers if presented with food that most British people would expect to be eaten with a knife and fork, and have to ask for parental help.

@Sickofthehip so the issue is actually that a "scene" was caused by the husband disagreeing with the wife helping the children. Presumably there was some kind of argument or upset as a result?

There's obviously a back story to this with the parents that you don't know, if they were publicly disagreeing and causing a scene about it.

Some parents over coddle.

Of course a neuro-typical, able-bodied 11 year old should be able to cut up their own food. Yes- even if it’s tough!

There’s nothing developmentally at that age that would impair their ability to do so physically.

If it was anything like the leathery paninis a pub produced yesterday, we none of us adults could cut them. We needed secateurs and would have been very glad to have help.

Exactly kids are not getting the chance to learn table manners or skills I have an 11 year old twice a week who still can't eat a whole meal using a knife and fork, same with a 7 year old. I've had a parent say they don't let their 7 year old have a fork in case they stab themselves....no reason to think they would. Kids can't use scissors or do any task involving coordinating both hands. Because society doesn't feel they can criticise parents in any way parents are not getting the same incentive to help their children that standards used to give.
We see parents pulling perfectly able children along on scooters (we know they are able and how far they travel) like a scooter replaces a pushchair. No toilet training etc. but we must let it be. No drinks given from a normal open cup even for 11 year olds so a baby bottle replaced by a sports bottle something is going very wrong.

Just as an aside, forks and knives these days are unbelievably blunt. I have a disability that affects my hands and I really struggle to get food on the fork and cut it up.

Right, so the H humiliated his son ( at an age when embarrassment is at its max) and his wife by causing a scene by openly and publicly criticising both of them at a social occasion, and your post is asking ‘is it normal for a mum to help a 13 year old cut up food’, rather than asking ‘is it normal for husbands and fathers to publicly humiliate their wives and young teens by ‘causing a scene’ at a social ocassion?’

You might want to consider your underlying assumptions which caused you to focus on the child and mother’s behaviour yet not the H.

It’s him who’s behaved like a dick here, yet you’ve given him a total free pass. You didn’t even mention his behaviour until seeking to defend your post. In which, btw, you are arguably mirroring his behaviour to his wife and son.

but is this a common thing to do now for tween/teens?

Why is it on threads like this when the OP says that as far as she knows there is no SEN or physical difficulty that posters then give all sorts of reasons stating these difficulties?

No it is absolutely not normal for children of that age with no SEN or physical issues (dyspraxia, injury, hypermobility etc) to not be able to use a knife and fork correctly.