Special needs/change of plan

[purpleme12]

If your child is expecting to do one thing tomorrow but you have to tell them you're going somewhere tomorrow (so tell them early evening today rather than tomorrow morning). It's somewhere really good that they will enjoy so it's not that that's the problem. But in their head they don't think they'll enjoy it and I believe this is just because they weren't expecting to go.
Do you do this or do you just never change your plans?
Is there any way to tell them to make it easier on them?

I think it depends on the individual child and how their mind works, there is no one answer and is different for everyone. I have 2 ND nephews, neither cope well with change. One of them if he is told the evening before, talked through the entire plan then, mapped it all out together, and then again in the morning, can still go and will enjoy the day once there with lots of reassurance and distraction by fun once there. The other that just wouldn’t work at all and it would be pointless attempting to take them because the stress it would cause would be overwhelming and they would not settle into the day- even if you told him a few days in advance the answer would be the same.

Only you know your child, if you know that actually once there they will enjoy the day then go for it. If it would be impossible for them to settle once there then no I wouldn’t because not only would they not be happy but neither would I or anybody else with them.

Thanks

Yes I do know that once we get there she will really enjoy it.

She seems to have a hard time when I tell her we're doing something and she didn't know. I told her early evening today in preparation for tomorrow (I was only told we could go to this place this afternoon) rather than tomorrow morning. She took it hard. Cried. Said she didn't want to go. Rallied against it for a while.
And her dad (who's with her and she doesn't live with) after like he thought she shouldn't go. But I think she'd never go if we had that attitude.
And this is what she does all the time and if I let her decide we wouldn't go anywhere and she likes all these places when we go.

Just wondered if there was a certain way people say things to make it easier or something

I think it helps if you share the information in a positive way.

"Hey, dd, great news, we've been given some last minute tickets to Alton Towers / Legoland / Pepper Pig World / The United Game / The Philharmonic concert / whatever it is for tomorrow afternoon. I know we'd planned to go to the beach, but this is great because it means we can go to the match / concert / Theme Park tomorrow and still go to the beach next week. I'm so excited. Come on, lets' get the picnic / kit / bag / camera ready."

rather than

"Sorry dd, we can't go to the beach tomorrow. You've got to come to the match / concert / theme park with me."

Ok I think I did it in an upbeat way but perhaps not as good as the way you suggested.

Thanks I will try remember this and try this a bit more next time.

And does anyone know why this even happens?
Why children find it hard and resist it?

Is your title recognition your dc has SN? My ASD ds 15 would be similar. Ds9 NT wouldn't care... Unless he had Xbox time planned!!

I was asking about children with special needs yes

We once surprised ds with a surprise holdiday. Leaving that very day. He pulled the duvet back over his head and refused to get up!! We swap from lots of notice or make a casual arrangement the night before.. Taking a friend can make it easier for him. Seems less stressed then...

I try never to change plans. If we absolutely have to then I tell my DD as far in advance as possible and I apologise and really acknowledge that the change is hard for her. It doesn’t matter that it is something good, as I need to empathise that her whole mental map for the day/event has just been ripped up. It’s one of the things that is difficult for my DD because she is autistic. I don’t need to understand why she finds it hard, I just need to know that she does and to really respect that.