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Original poster

Vasectomy recovery

51 replies

MrsH15001 · 21/08/2024 17:52

My fiancé had a vasectomy on Sunday afternoon. 3 days ago and he’s still having me wait on him hand and foot. I am extremely beyond grateful for what he’s done but I don’t think I can cope waiting on him any more. We have two children, 4 & 1. Our youngest has a rare genetic condition and it’s been a hard year and with a hard pregnancy, I’m on the go 24/7 like most parents but I have lots of medical appointments to attend to and usually go these alone whilst he’s at work but on top of it being half term so now my eldest in tow too. Now fiancé has taken just on two weeks off work to recover, day 3 and he still can not make himself a drink. Can not make his own food or even tidy up after him, taking a plate out or washing a glass or picking up laundry. He’s complaining he’s in so much pain so I’m at his call with painkillers alternating every 2 hours as well new ice packs, looking after our children and attending appointments as well as normal house work. I’m starting to loose the will to live, I feel he’s having me on a bit. I’ve asked him kindly if he can start getting back up on his feet soon and doing things around the home that aren’t strenuous but he’s refusing point blank. I’m starting to get really annoyed now and feeling completely unappreciated. I fully understand he can not go to work right now as his job is very hands on, physical with heavy lifting. How can I address this to him without sounding mean. I didn’t get all this when I had my children! I was up and out in the supermarkets 2 days after birth doing school runs!

OP posts:

wheresthebigcarrot · 21/08/2024 19:15

My DH got a couple of hours on the sofa, an hour nap then joined me on the school run.

He was a bit sore on day 3 when a little bit of bruising came on but was absolutely fine and we went about our usual loves very quickly.

Your husband is taking the piss.

Kdubs1981 · 21/08/2024 19:21

If it's still this painful he needs medical attention. If he won't seek it then leave him to crack on himself

Beforetheend · 21/08/2024 19:36

Dh took it easy for the evening, and I probably made him a cup of coffee at some stage.

A lot of men won’t see medical attention; fil had to be bullied into urgent care when he gouged a chunk out of his leg and we could see the bone .

No more drinks or meals until he gets himself checked out.

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bakewellbride · 21/08/2024 19:54

My dh was in a bit of pain but straight after the appt got the 2 hour train ride home alone just fine and by day 4 was completely back to normal. On day 5 we were back to having sex. Your dh is being a wimp!

gamerchick · 21/08/2024 19:56

He's taking the piss. My ex milked it for a week but I was happy he was encased in the bedroom out of my way.

Tell him it's time he got of his arse and do things for himself again. If he point blank refuses, he can go hungry I guess.

howlsmovingbouncycastle · 21/08/2024 19:59

Sounds like he’s taking the piss, but DH was in a lot of pain and off work for 3 days I think - and he is definitely not one to milk it.

He said it was loads worse than he had expected!

FrippEnos · 21/08/2024 20:14

Terms like "man up" and "wimp" really don't help.

@MrsH15001

Only you know what your DP is like and whether he is likely to be "milking" this.
However, for all of the posts going on about how easy it was for their DHs, 1 in 10 men suffer long term pain from vasectomies.

OhmygodDont · 21/08/2024 20:21

FrippEnos · 21/08/2024 20:14

Terms like "man up" and "wimp" really don't help.

@MrsH15001

But those men still end up going to work, making themselves a drink and a sandwich.

They haven’t become incapable of moving off the sofa. They have continued pain but it’s not laid up pain.

Bet ops dp will be well enough to be making depends on how many empties he requires before getting her to help do the sample. If his moved off the sofa by then. To the kettle or doctors.

Fathercrispness · 21/08/2024 20:23

Load of rubbish. DH was told to rest up for a day and then avoid lifting anything very heavy for something like a week after. He went to a music festival 2 days after it. If he claims to still be in pain then tell him to call the doctor or stop moaning.

Also stop being grateful. Was he on his knees thanking you for taking whatever contraception you used before? Thought not.

Emming · 21/08/2024 20:26

My husband has been in pain for 3 years since having his vasectomy. Doctors say there's nothing they can do and he has to live with it for the rest of his life. I feel so awful...some men genuinely suffer from the procedure. If he normally is helpful and not over dramatic cut him some slack. You shouldn't need to baby him though.

trevthecat · 21/08/2024 20:27

My dh went into work the following day. Think we had sex the second night. Your dp is mugging you off

reallywhywouldyou · 21/08/2024 20:27

Really, he needs to give his head a wobble 😂

Milkand2sugarsplease · 21/08/2024 20:30

He's taking you for a ride!! Like many posters here, DH was "business as usual" soon after. We left the clinic and went out for lunch on the way home. No moping, no whining and no expectation that I'd wait on him hand and foot - of course, I would have done had he needed it but that's because I know he'd never take me for a mug.

Dartwarbler · 21/08/2024 20:34

Tell him he needs to start to move or he’ll get a DVT. he needs to get outside and walk to start to properly ambulate.

tell him if he is still in pain he needs to take anti inflammatory BEFORE the pain kicks in. The anti inflammatory are there to reduce inflammation (well I never🤷🏼‍♀️) and therefore pain. if he’s saying doesn’t want to take them, well pain ain’t that bad then, or

still refusing ? ask to see his balls and groin and see if there is either red infamation around scar site (infection) or significant swelling?

no surgical team advises people to sit on their arse for days post even major surgery. Unless you are kept in hospital becuase they don’t want you to move just yet, or you can’t move. Or you’ve had op’s on your lower body that need careful gradual physio and mobilisation phases.

if he won’t do thos cos it’s too sore he must call emergency number on his discharge . No debate

in fact if he says he won’t call, call yourself with a “I’m so concerned about my husband” in his hearing, not giving him a chance….saybyou think he is having major problems because he says says the pain is too intense to do anything…

OhmygodDont · 21/08/2024 20:37

Very true about the moving even after surgery. Dh had triple hernia surgery, sent home the day after and told he had to Potter around not just sit or lay all day. Sent home with some pretty strong drugs too and he couldn’t lift the kettle.

He felt useless as a person could muster the spray mop to feel useful. Had to get the travel kettle out so he didn’t feel a baby. Rather than moping around making us wait on him hand and foot he wanted to be able to do stuff.

elliejjtiny · 21/08/2024 20:41

Dh came home with a leaflet that said he should stay in bed for 48 hours after his vasectomy. I didn't even get that after an emergency c-section with sepsis!

MegaClutterSlut · 21/08/2024 20:44

Dh was a bit sore for 2/3 days but he was up walking around later that same day although a bit awkwardly also had sex on day 1

OhmygodDont · 21/08/2024 20:44

elliejjtiny · 21/08/2024 20:41

Dh came home with a leaflet that said he should stay in bed for 48 hours after his vasectomy. I didn't even get that after an emergency c-section with sepsis!

That’s bonkers. Dhs was only done in 2019. Given a cup of tea and a Biscuit and just told not to lift anything heavy. Take paracetamol, if it hurts too much walk in or doctors. Swelling and bruising normal but if hot or red go in.

He had the non scalpel one no stitches I watched.

Woofwoofwoofgoesthewolfhound · 21/08/2024 20:50

DH had an early morning appointment and then drove himself straight to work and got on with a normal day in office. He might have treated himself to a couple of paracetamol. I think it was sore for a few days but it didn't stop him doing normal day-to-day activities.

Obviously pain is subjective and not everyone is going to have the same experience of the procedure, but honestly OP I think he is a) taking the piss or b) probably needs to have things checked. That level of pain doesn't sound right.

User364837 · 21/08/2024 20:51

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 21/08/2024 17:53

We had sex on the same night...
Your dh needs to man the fuck up.

😮 DH was black and blue and no way he could’ve done that!

Woofwoofwoofgoesthewolfhound · 21/08/2024 21:01

Does he seem worried? That will tell you what you need to know I think. If I had a routine procedure that left me in much more pain than I'd been told to expect (and much more than the majority of people experience), then I'd definitely be anxious and wanting to get it checked.

If he isn't in the least bit worried, it's because he's not in as much pain as he says he is.

JanefromLondon1 · 21/08/2024 21:07

DH went into work the next day with a 90 minute commute 30 minutes of that walking and he's a complete wuss when it comes to anything genital related.

He's either having you on or needs medical attention.

Did he wait on you hand and foot for weeks after you gave birth?

Eternally grateful. My gratitude was agreeing to have sex with DH again without having to worry about an unplanned pregnancy but maybe I'm an uncaring bitch after being torn from front to back pushing out his massive middle child.

2sisters · 21/08/2024 21:14

My husband was back to work within 48 hours. He had pain for a few days and a dull ache for 2 weeks. Your husband needs to take some painkillers and get in with life. TBH, I was irritated with the 2 days my husband nurse his balls. I had less down time with my C-section.

sallyrhubarbbb · 21/08/2024 21:14

Oh this really boils my piss.

My DH had a vasectomy when my DS was about 8months old, the day before my birthday.

The poor little love moved himself into our spare room (along with his Xbox, and dressing gown of doom) and insisted that he couldn't do a single bloody thing for himself.

I had family over for some birthday cake and bubbles, he limped downstairs, made big brave solider noises and then limped back upstairs. No card from my DS, no present. I went nuclear. He tried to use the vasectomy as an excuse but he knows when my birthday is, and could have planned ahead. I don't think I've ever been so angry at him for being such a bloody whinge about it all.

I get it, I'm sure it's painful, but at one point he actually said to me 'you have no idea how much this hurts'... 27 hours of labour says otherwise but there you go.

OP, your DH is taking the royal mickey out of you. Tell him to sort his shit out and get a grip of himself, or your fanny will snap shut for the foreseeable because of him being such a little boy.

Gahhhh.

MadMadMad · 21/08/2024 21:18

DH rested overnight but then a couple of days later pain kicked in again as he had an infection but he could always look after himself, he just needed me to keep the children away from him.

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