What age do they “come back to you” ? After the teenager years

[Purplturpl]

I feel we are not doing too badly in the teen years but it’s getting more difficult with pushing boundaries and wanting to stay out late. Not prioritising school work etc.

i am just wondering is it towards the end of school (17 / 18) that it starts to ease a bit more ?

I have boys if that makes any difference

Mine was when he started full time work at 17. Seemed to mature almost over night. Socialises like an adult now and is good company to be around.

Thanks

Mine is nearly 19 and it hasn't happened yet. He has always been slightly immature for ages though. Hoping the move to uni will trigger a bit of growing up.
His younger brother is more mature at 15...

Fingers crossed @PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket

I think early 20's they start becoming more who they will be as adults.

My son has never caused us any major issues but I felt he was a bit more distant from us from 14-16. That was when he cared about what his friends thought and went along with things more than he wanted to. Nothing major, but a bit of teen behaviour, pushing boundaries etc. Once he was 16 though and at college, I felt he came back to us fully. He's at uni now and doesn't give a shit what others think, he has a genuinely lovely set of friends and is a nice person and good company. I think secondary school is really tough with peer pressure, I remember it when I was that age.

My daughter is nearly 16 and has always been an easy child, I don't think she's ever pushed a boundary. I don't think that's common though.

Just remember that most teens go through a more difficult time and they come through it. 💐

Consider myself quite lucky with my three. A bit tricky aged 14 -16 but not awful.
I was never a particularly strict parent mlayed back and definitely picked my battles.
They are all great ,successful caring adults now .

Age 17 here.
I bumped into him and his best friend (who’s known me since they were 5) while shopping and they came over to say hi.

Worst ages for me were 14-15. Definitely an improvement around 17/18. But don't wish it away waiting for a change - that can coincide with them leaving home and you barely seeing them!

I don't think I was ever that bad but I can distinctly remember having a "moment" - being 22, on a belated 21st/graduation big family trip to Disney, sitting on a wall watching parents with their little kids experiencing all the magic then seeing my parents walking up towards me, looking a bit "older" for the first time and just feeling very overwhelmed realising childhood and that parent/child dynamic was long gone, they wouldn't be here for ever and now I needed to begin a new dynamic with them and get over myself a bit and put some work into our relationship as I was moving to the other side of the country. I think I burst out crying, gave them a hug and said "I really love you, you know?!" and it sort of just all changed from them on...

19 was very rough. I think it actually got worse between 16-19 for me than it had been when I was a younger teen as I was trying to become a woman, was an adult and they were still treating me like a child and trying to keep me controlled, I felt. But 22 was when we both settled into the new dynamic and it got lovely.

Sorry if that's frighteningly late though!

I completely lost it with my family from 16-19 then back in the fold again. Always enjoyed extended family holidays etc and very close. Short but intense. A lot of it was frustration at how my siblings were being treated more favourably in my eyes.

My eldest had his moments from pre teen onwards.

When he went to uni he lived with his Dad and got very close to his step family (loved being an uncle to his step sister's kids).

Post uni his Dad turfed him out unexpectedly. He had been looking for a flat nearby, but his Dad declared he'd had enough and sent him back to me.

We got close again with him living with me and ds2 while he flat hunted, and I see him regularly now he's moved to his own flat.

DS1 it was after he finished his GCSEs and got his dream apprenticeship. He never enjoyed school and didn't like feeling like he was treated like a child. Now at 17 he has his job and his car and is a really pleasant human being to be around. Can still be a grumpy sod first thing in the morning though.

I have 3 boys.
The oldest who is now 19 never really went through it
The second who is 18 wasn't badly behaved in pushing boundaries etc, was just unpleasant to be around. By 17 he was fine again
Third one is almost 16 and is currently rude and hostile 70% of the time and pushes every boundary going.
I'm looking forward to him coming out the other side.

16, so the Chrismas before his GCSEs. I think he had finished with puberty by then. His 16 year old brother has always been a Total delight. But he never went out or stayed out late so I have had to deal with that as a new stress when he hit 18. It's weird being worried about you son being out late for the first time when he is a adult. So hopefully that's in your favour.

20 onwards I'd say; dd was back to best friend status by 25, ds is more distant but neurodiversity muddies the waters.

I had a difficult time with my daughter but in fairness to her we had a lot of traumatic events and she really struggled. All her anger was at me and I understand better now we're a decade down the line. Long story. However, she went off to uni at just turned 19 and that was a four year degree. A bit of space changed things for us. She's now got her own place and career in place, never did come back after uni! We have a lovely relationship now and I am so excited when she comes home to visit. I have also apologised to her for my own shortcomings when things were difficult. It does get better!

My son is 13 but has autism and combined type ADHD. So far we're fine, we're very close as I'm a lone parent but imagine we'll have some challenges going forward. He's definitely very different to daughter at the same age!

Eldest was around 19 and youngest about 20. Great mates now.

Son started being a lot better to be with at age of 19 when he went to Uni. He came home after 2 weeks at uni and was a totally different man.

Daughter is v hard work at 18. She is going to Uni this September and I hope the experience helps and is a catalyst for her maturing.

Youngest daughter is aloof and rude a times but not totally entitled like her older sister. So fingers crossed it will be a smoother transition through the teenage years.

Roughly 17 is when it all started to get much better. By 18 it was loads better. Hang in there!

Thanks everyone

My eldest was ok until about 15/year 10, nothing awful just not applying himself to anything other than Xbox. Then COVID hit and all bets were off. 16-19 were horrible. He's about to be 21 and it's like a light has switched on. He's gonna be ok

18yo dd is a delight, great fun, makes sensible decisions, but still asks for a lot of advice and support from me.

16yo ds is a lovely boy, and clueless about everything. If you ask him to wash a cup he will wash that cup. If you gave him a million years to think about it, it would never occur to him to also wash the plate and the spoon. He follows simple, explicit instructions. It's like living with an amiable golum. He used to be so empathetic and thoughtful!

13yo dd - holy moly I'm glad I know they do get lovely again because she is jolly hard to live with at the moment. I am showering her with love and reassurance, and I spend a lot of time smoothing ruffled feathers (hers and siblings).

21 for DD. Once she finished Uni and started her apprenticeship she matured overnight.

It was a welcome relief from the selfishness, rudeness and entitlement

This! It really was overnight