Exactly a year ago I lost my Mum

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She dropped dead suddenly. The post mortem could find no cause. I'm still waiting for the inquest.

And now I'm trying to sell the beloved family home to pay the inheritance tax bill. She had few savings. It's a lovely detached house but needs a lot of work.

It's all too much really.

So sorry. 8 months ago for me.

💐 it's so hard.

I’m so sorry OP. I lost my dad unexpectedly in February this year. Do you want to tell us about your mum?

Sorry to hear this OP.

That's such a shock for you OP and hard to get your head around. It is early days too, especially as you are still waiting for the inquest. The practicalities are really hard too when you least need the extra challenges. Hope you are looking after yourself OP.

It's very hard losing your DM even when you know why they passed so this must be a very hard time for you. I'm sorry you've had to sell the house but I hope you've kept lots of her things, my DM passed a few years ago and I find comfort in using her things now the sharp first grief has faded. I wish you peace and some joy back in your life

I'm sorry to hear this.

It was 4 years ago for me but my mum was a sudden and unexpected death (collapsed at home and couldn't be revived despite huge efforts by my siblings and then the paramedics). It was eventually recorded as natural causes by PM.

It was and still is shit. The grief is soul destroying but the suddenness of it is something I don't think I'll ever truly come to terms with. There was no warning. It blew my whole existence apart.

Thankfully we've been spared all the inheritance stuff as Das is still here.

Trite as it may sound have you had any counselling?

What is your support network like?

It did get a but easier as time went on. I don't dwell on that day as much as I used to and I'm able to talk about my mum and think about her in happier times. I know I'm always going to be defined by her death though. It was the single most shocking and devastating thing to have ever happened to me. I feel quite traumatised by it and I wasn't even there. My poor siblings had to perform CPR until help arrived. I just cannot imagine how they managed it and how they coped after (they've had quite extensive therapy and are doing okay!)

That sounds very hard OP. We're here for you.

(((HUG)))

Not knowing why is a massive extra blow to an already devastating situation. Selling the family home is so traumatic (for most of us, at least)

how old was your Mum? My Dad was only 65, he died suddenly from a massive heart attack, the people he was with tried to save him, but couldn't. The woman (pathologist??) who did the autopsy said even if he'd been on a hospital bed at the time the HA was so massive they couldn't have saved him.

lots of love,
xx

I feel for you, this is horrendous. My mum died a year ago but I had warning as she wasn't well for a few months beforehand. Still awful though.

Counselling helped a lot.
Have you got siblings or other family & friends to support you?

Mum was 79 but in good health. I just feel lost and very stressed as the house is not selling (1 viewing this month) and with the looming tax bill, I'm not sure I can get through this.

You will get through this, please ask for help wherever you can get it. It will help you.
I don't think HMRC expect the tax bill to be paid until the house is sold and from my experience HMRC move very slowly. The estate agents and solicitors will have advice on this.

I am so sorry OP. I lost my sister 2 years ago and it’s still painful and I cry sometimes as if I have just realised her loss again. It’s so hard, but your grief is shared and acknowledged by us all here.
the house will sell and time will move forward, just keep all your memories close and remember the good times .

I’m so sorry for your loss.
The shock with an unexpected death is horrendous, don’t underestimate its effects. And anniversaries, especially the first , are always difficult no matter how much you think you’ve prepared yourself.

Your experience is very similar to mine. 3 1/2 years ago for me. Mum collapsed suddenly at home, without warning. In the minutes before she collapsed she was laughing and joking on a Facetime call with her sister. She suddenly collapsed and my Dad called for an ambulance who took her to the hospital. My Dad was not allowed to go with her as it was during covid restrictions. Next thing we know she is on the ICU ward and we are still not allowed to even go and sit with her. Then we are told she had a kidney infection which developed into sepsis and the next thing she is dead. The whole thing was so traumatising and so sudden that the family were just left in complete shock. Knowing she was alone during that time and died alone destroyed us all. Not being able to talk to her, know how she was feeling during that time or say goodbye to her was traumatic and it has taken months of therapy for my Brother and I to be able to deal with what happened to our beautiful amazing mum who we were very very close to and who was the beating heart of our family.

Like you, it has forever changed me as a person although I don't have that awful heavy grief anymore, I will forever miss my Mum and she is always in my thoughts.

I have reached a point in my life where I can talk about her, smile and laugh and ultimately feel grateful that I was lucky enough to have had such a wonderful Mum and that my daughters had the best Nanny they could have wished for. But its been hard to get to this point. Grief sucks!

I am so genuinely sorry that this has happened. Losing your DM is just awful. xxx