I feel so totally done

[fisharemad]

I have name changed for this
Title says it all really.
My marriage is on the edge.
I don’t know how to navigate forward.
He clams up when I try to speak to him and now I can’t be bothered to even try.
No affairs involved on either side 100% sure.
Just a 20 year build up of small things that now feel overwhelming.
I just feel so sad and want to run away.

Let's say you do leave. How do you see your life looking? Do you earn enough to support yourself? Do you have dependent children? What stopped you from leaving a week ago, or a month ago, or a year ago?

I'm not trying to be goady. I'm just trying to clarify where you are and what you want.

I think you are me

Same here

Children are all grown up , one adult child at home.
I could just get by on what I earn.
I havnt left him before because I don’t want to.
I want the marriage to get better.
But when I talk he shuts down .
He has had a health scare recently and has some in going medical problems for a few years, not life threatening but life changing.
He has been offered treatment, but refuses to have it.
I know he is frightened but It is like he has just given up and is waiting to die.
It’s all just very hard.