My son doesn’t like football

[On3Mor3Try]

My 9yo son doesn’t like football and I think he feels like an outsider because of this. We signed him up to the local football club along with all his classmates when he was 5 yo, but by the time he turned 6yo he was asked to leave the club because he “was a distraction” and “didn’t have the focus”. We were heartbroken for him. I thought this was pretty cruel and utterly ridiculous to expect a 6 year old to “have focus”. It’s supposed to be fun. We live in a small town and he has felt very excluded ever since, even though he doesn’t really like football. He just wants to feel included. He has friends, and has just recently started asking to go out to play with the kids in our estate who are also in his class at school. But he comes home earlier than everyone else because he gets bored because all they do is play football. He goes to a martial arts class which he loves, he also goes to drum lessons, and swimming lessons. He just hasn’t really found a friend to play with who isn’t obsessed with football and I feel sorry for him and worry that he is lonely. Do you think this will change for him as he gets older?

DH doesn't like football, never has, he cycles, played rugby when younger, DS can take or leave it, he'll play if friends are in the playground but we won't be signing him up to a club. I come from a football family even mum played at county level as a teenager, my dad played well into veterans league territory, my brother trained with a well known London club, even I played for the st John ambulance cadet team. The culture around it is awful, my dad eventually gave up coaching youth teams and refereeing because of the abuse.

DS is sporty, he swims well for his age, does gymnastics, dodgeball, athletics. When he's a bit older he's interested in cricket and hockey, I worry about the head injury impact of rugby so he's not really experienced that yet.

I can't really speak to DC playing out in the street as that just doesn't happen around here at that age, playdates are arranged and are usually at a house or local park or most commonly the beach when the weather is nice, but with parents. We had one Friday with a group of his friends, the children went crabbing, built sandcastles, dams, moats etc in the sand, there was a frisbee at one point but not football.

There are plenty of children out there who are not mad admit football, help him find his people

DS is nearly 13 and has never liked football. Whilst at primary, he was invited to a football party and the host ended up finding him some colouring to do...

He has plenty of male and female friends. They play D&D, read, play board games, watch films, go to the park, ride bikes etc. He also goes to cadets, swims and does archery. It has been no barrier to friendships at secondary.

My dh doesn't like football really. He doesn't follow a team. He played kick about with his mate but never a team. As a teenager he liked to play hockey and American football. He likes to do martial arts now as an adult.

DS was the same at primary school. Not sporty and didn't play violent computer games. He really struggled to fit in. He did a lot of other things outside of school but never really found something he was passionate about.

He started secondary and was in year 7 when we went into lock down, so he missed out on a couple of years of friendship bonding (he went to a different school to everyone from his primary so was starting from scratch). By year 9 he was really getting into music and that's where he found his people.

Secondary school offers so many more extra curricular options, so he'll find his people too, don't worry.

When my nephew was about 6 or 7, he asked his mum what ‘crap’ meant. He had been rejected by the boys at school as he was ‘crap at football’. Objectively he was, but he was a bookish child whose parents had no interest in football.

20 years later, he is a well-adjusted content young adult, with a good circle of friends, a lovely girlfriend, is professionally successful and has a number of interests (and I dare say is more interesting than some of the boys who rejected him).

Your boy will find his interests, and he will find his tribe. It hurts now, but it will be OK.

It would be so boring if all boys liked football. My DS likes building computers, music, skateboarding, history, cooking, gym. He’s found similar friends.

I’ve one who is now 22 and has always lived and breathed football. Yesterday he watched 3 games, went to a game last Wednesday, chatted to DP’s friend for an hour about their team, spent this afternoon watching football, updated his fantasy football league and played 5 a side this evening

I also have a teen who has never had any interest whatsoever and it is tough it really is. I can’t bear rugby and wouldn’t ever allow mine to play it. He quite likes cricket in a basic way and running but is more interested in photography and music and guitar. It does make it harder but most of them do come out of the total fixation on football phase as they get older.

if only someone had told my eldest…..

None of my son’s friends have ever shown any interest in the game. I couldn’t understand it for a long time but I think football’s on the brink of tipping into irredeemable lameness, believe it or not. There was a Sky ad on earlier, all very wholesome with a stadium full of diverse fans of all ages all singing together – but all I could think was ‘why would any self-respecting lad be interested in this?’

I do hope not. Football is a dreadful game with loutish supporters

It's full of trashy, aggressive supporters

Get away with your ridiculous, generalised nonsense.

@On3Mor3Try loads of people don't like football. What I would do is continue (as you are) to take him to try things, until he finds his 'thing'.
If you have a good Scout group near you, they can offer all sorts of things he might get in to further - kayaking, climbing, camping, chess, gang show, archery, canoeing, SUP, orienteering and so much more.
Once he gets a little bit older, perhaps arrange some music lessons - he might find his true friends amongst musicians.
But equally it might be other dc at the skate park he 'clicks' with.

Equally, if you aren't snobbish about football as some people can be, let him watch it on TV as he gets older. Lots of people who don't enjoy playing, still enjoy watching, and, as many have referred to on this thread, it is something that is very popular in the UK, and often a topic of conversation in social situations / work places / schools / etc - so don't rule out any interest in it just because he doesn't want to play. Same as any interest really - expose your dc to as many opportunities and interests as you are able. You never know what will 'click'.

This was like my son. He started to hang with the girls and a few less sporty boys. Scouts was great for him. He's really found his people at secondary school and now he's obsessed with army cadets. I did used to worry about his smaller circle because they were all "football boys" but it came good in the end. He's never been lonely.

And I also liked how he didn't feel the need to pretend to like, or be interested in, football just to fit in. It's character building to stand against the crowd!

My son is like yours OP. He has friends at primary but I’m sure he feels different as all his class are football mad - watching and playing - including most of the girls. He has extra curricular activities including sport & music. I’m hoping he finds his tribe at secondary school. I hope yours does too although I appreciate that’s a little way off.

This will change.

I found when mine were at primary school, football was the 'cool thing' and one of the main sports easy to children that age.

It begins to open up more, basketball, cricket, orienteering, badminton, hockey, magic cards, climbing, engineering stuff etc.

And at secondary school your son will find others who have lots of interesting hobbies and they aren't sport based. Their horizons open up..

Many of those who spent their primary years playing football begin to drop off playing it.

Try not to worry, he will find his tribe. My sons made most of their long term friends in senior school and uni.

I can't thank you all enough for your comments on here. It has really helped me to know that there are other parents who have experienced the same, and that their kids are happy and have found friends who are into the same things they are. All I want is for him to be happy and to not be lonely. I'll just keep encouraging him to try lots of different things and give him every opportunity to meet new friends. And I'm also really quite proud of him for not pretending to like something just to fit in. Thanks again

I hope your son finds like minded children soon.

Plenty of other clubs out there, cricket tennis hockey basketball or drama etc. I find those children not breathing and living football every second of the day so much more interesting to talk to!

My son has never shown any interest in football until this year, he's 17. It's never been a problem really and I've avoided standing by pitch in the winter.

My dgc are all sporty but none ( m or f) particularly like football.
There are plenty of other sports and if sport isn’t his thing lots of other interests.