My Friends and Family Members Always Tell My Husband About Days/Nights Out And Not Me

[GoldenOstrich]

Whenever one of my friends wants to go out, they always ask my husband, and my husband says to me that, whoever it was that asked him asked if him and I would like to go to the cinema, go out for lunch/dinner, go out for drinks, go to their house, have them at our house or whatever, and most of they people were my friends first. My family members also do that if they are having a party, except my mum, my mum tells me if she's having a party at her house, or if she says my husband and I can come to her house for dinner or go out for dinner with her, my dad, my brother and my sister, or anything else she says me and my husband can be part of, she asks me and I ask my husband, but all my other family members tell my husband. A year before my husband and I got married, my husband messaged me saying that my auntie messaged him and said she was having a karaoke, and she asked if him and I would like to come, and when we were just married, my cousin was getting married the next year (which she did) and she messaged my husband and said they would send a wedding invitation to us and asked him our address. I'm annoyed that my family members and friends always ask my husband they things and not me, and every time my husband tells me they asked if him and I would like to go to a day/night out or party, I feel annoyed. I don't know why they ask him and not me, I have autism, but I'm good at talking if I know what to say, and I would know what to say to my husband, if I was asking him to come out with my family or friends, and every time my mum asks me, I ask him, so it can't be because they think I wouldn't ask him.

I have another bit to add. I get a taxi to work, and I share a taxi with two other girls, I work with, who are also my friends and I get an access to work form to sign at the end of every month, and during the lockdown, my husband said one of they girls messaged him, and asked if I got an access to work form through the post, and I said no, and then she video called him about it, and showed him an access to work form, she got through the post. I was annoyed that she messaged and called my husband about it and not me, and she didn't even try to message or call me, and that doesn't even have anything to do with my husband, and I was annoyed for the rest of the night.

Each person who messages,
I would message them to say my husband said you invited us to this thing? Then they'll tellb you more and talk to you about it. And should hopefully get the message next time
(Assuming your husband hasn't already responded)

Does he respond quicker than you? I’m not really sure what the issue is? I only message one half of the couple I am friends with, not both.

My husband does respond, and he responds as soon as I tell him I would like to come, and if we can't come because we're busy, he tells him that as soon as they ask him or as soon as he sees they've messaged him.

Have you tried asking the people who keep contacting your husband why they do it? How is it all your friends have your husband’s phone number? How on earth does the colleague you taxi share with have contact details for your DH?

So tell him not to then you can do my suggestion

This seems very strange! It's definitely not a 'thing' if that's what you are asking. There must be a reason, either it's some cultural thing in your background where they believe the man gives permission or for some reason people find it more difficult to communicate with you.

You will have to just ask someone straight up, I don't think any of us can find the answer for you.

They message him on facebook. The girl I share a taxi with messaged and video called him on facebook. That girl knows him face to face. I have a big group of friends, and me and him and that girl have been out at the same time a couple of times. I've been friends with that girl since we were at college, and I started being friends with her 16 years ago. My husband and I are 5 years married, we've been together for 11 years, and the first time my husband met that girl was at a day and night out 9 years ago, and he and her were only at 1 more day out at the same time a year after that which I also came to, and him and her have never been out without me, so he's only seen her face to face about twice, and that was years ago.

This is so strange I am actually speechless. I cannot get my head around why so many people contact him instead of you. Have you asked your DH why they contact him? Have you asked people why they contact him instead of you?

Like other posters, this is definitely not 'a thing'.
It is odd.
One person, we could perhaps work out a reason for, but the fact it seems to happen with everyone, it must be something specific about you, so I think you would have to ask the people who have done it.

In the nicest possible way, it could be that they find him easier to communicate with than you. Your mum obviously knows you well enough to speak to you directly, but the fact that all your friends and family prefer communicating with your DH rather than with you suggests the common denominator is you. Your posts on this thread alone are very difficult to get through.

I think you’ve got two options: accept it as no big deal, given the invitation always gets to you anyway and it just means your husband does the drudgery of communicating. Or let everyone know that you prefer for any messages for you to come directly to you, rather than via your DH. I don’t see what else you can do really.

Are you on Facebook?

I am on facebook. I got it 14 years ago and I've been on it every day since then.

are they just picking the person who communicates better? I would embrace it, it means you don’t have to do any of the planning!

This is probably a you problem.

maybe you don’t respond, maybe you’re too much of a maybe person, maybe you’re flakey.

No idea. But this is a you problem, it’s not your husbands or family/friends issue. It’s you. Do some self reflection.