Adhd or autism? 6 yr old girl

[Stingray13]

Name changed for this as my issue is quite specific.

I have a 6 year old girl that we suspect might by autistic/adhd.

She's always been very hard work. Even as a baby. Her sibling is a dream to parent so it's quite easy to see that my daughter often struggles.

We are under a pediatrician as we have a gene that results in hearing loss. My daughter got unlucky and has this gene and wears hearing aids. Pediatrician watched her play during a session and suggested we go on wait list for assessment. That was the first time anyone had said this to me.

Speech delayed at nursery. Always followed adults round. Guess some was hearing related before we knew about gene.

She's not great at going into school. Tantrums and cries every day going in.

Struggles making friends. Even her siblings struggle with her.

Doing ok at school though. She's smart. Teachers find her funny and like her.

Bed takes up to 2 hours. She hates being left alone. If we do she becomes violent to her siblings or simply follows us downstairs.

On a recent play date she spent her time sat in a cardboard box and actually sat in one again recently to calm herself after a mega tantrum.

She still sucks her thumb.

She doesn't play well at all. Not like my other kids.

The main issue has been without the school routine she's a nightmare.

Violent outbursts. Unable to control emotions. Tantrums lasting up to 2 hours over silly things like "I don't like these clothes" and "give me this particular snack right now". She won't wait for ANYTHING.

We went to a theme park yesterday and he had a tantrum over one of the rides.

And on way home she went really strange and had what resembled a panic attack. Hyperventilating and running around flapping saying she was scared to get in car. I calmed her down after 20 mins.

She's a lovely child. She's funny and quirky. I love her to bits. But I'm desperate to help her!

She does not do this with other family and if we keep very busy eg cinema, sports activities, after school clubs she seems fine. Although as we saw at theme park today, things do come undone after a few hours.

I'm contemplating paying for help or and assessment but is it worth money? We are on the waitlist but was told it could take years. In one sense I'm not interested in a label but on other hand I need to help her and it's starting to affect the whole family.

It does sound like she may be autistic from
what you have said.

But a diagnosis wouldn’t change anything (I’m not saying don’t pursue one!) the key is finding what works for her. It sounds like sensory overload is a big issue for her at the moment so probably worth looking into ways to help her with that.

During school holidays when DS was small we had to keep things very structured and had a plan for each day written. Visual aids can be a big help with understanding what is going to happen and can also help with transitions.

Sounds like Autism (I have both Autism and ADHD, as does my 12 year old daughter)

Some things can be difficult to pick apart until they are older, but to me, the Autism signs are strong in your description. It could be that there are also ADHD traits, so it be best to ask for dual assessment.

If you are in England, there is a possibility of going down the Right to Choose path. Both myself and my daughter have benefitted from this. It's where the NHS allow you to choose your own provider (front a list of those working in partnership with the NHS in order to help get wait list times down. These providers would usually be private assessors)

The only problem is, there are sometimes age restrictions. The only way to find out is to Google right to choose Autism and go through the providers. They will say wether they are offering child or adult assessments and what the current wait times are (often only around six months) you then just get back in touch with the GP to start the process whilst remaining on the NHS list in the meantime.

Hope that's helpful. Sorry if you aren't in England. Do look for help from any local charities. Our GP gave us a big list of websites which I waded my way through. Lots of charities will provide support/ webinars / training courses while you're awaiting assessment. I found this really helpful as at least I didn't feel like I was on my own.

As pp said, a diagnosis won’t change anything, there is very minimal support out there from NHS.

you need to find local charities who will support you, read lots of books and learn about both conditions. Find what works for your daughter.

I would also add that diagnosis is not a label. (Any more than a diagnosis of diabetes or asthma is)

Diagnosis can help you and your child understand why they are the way they are. When you aren't diagnosed, or your child isn't diagnosed, you're simply in limbo wondering; hence your post.

Diagnosis can help you and your child (eventually, when older) understand and accept themselves, advocate for themselves, and of course from a schooling and working point of view, be protected by the law)

Thanks for your reply. It's so so hard as other people see her and say she's normal. She saves most of her behaviour for home. It's like her cup gets full and spills over after certain things/activities.

Right now she's nagging me to get something g from the car. My other child has accepted the answer, "we will go in a minute when we are dressed" but not my daughter. She's shouting and demanding we go now. Getting increasingly angry.

Our day is filled with moments like this and it is very very hard.

Some of the things she demands I can't produce.m either but she won't take no for an answer like other children might.

There is no support whether you pay for diagnosis (around £2k) or not. If it's not causing huge issues and if you dont have others within the wider family who have traits I'd wait a while, it could just be normal 6 years old behaviour combined with the hearing loss. I would look into get her support regarding that first and if she isn't having huge issues waiting off until she starts high school to look into a private diagnosis (but stay on the NHS list anyway).

As autism is a social communication disability and both her social and communication skills are likely to have been negatively impacted by her hearing issues and as she grows and learns coping strategies she may manage them and grow out of it.

However, if you can look at your immediate and extended family and see others with significant traits then I would pursue diagnosis as both ADHD and autism are inherited

Thanks @RainbowZebraWarrior I probably worded that badly. I am interested in getting to the bottom of what is going on but my main desire is helping her. Finding out what works, what doesn't.

Yesterday scared me so much at points. We came home and dh and I were so deflated. I cried as I was so concerned about her behaviour.

We started spiralling and getting worried about the future. Her future. Even silly things like right now a family holiday we dream of (we've never been on a plane) would just not be possible.

Will she be ok at secondary school? Will she have friends? What is she gets so frustrated and angry she hurts her siblings?

It's like her cup gets full and spills over after certain things/activities.

google the coke bottle effect! It explains it well

Agree that it does sound like Autistic traits you are describing.

dd is expressing her needs, she may not understand them but she is letting you know she is struggling

routine is helpful, telling her what’s happening now/next, clear boundaries
giving her help to self advocate

assume she’s autistic and read up about autism and girls, she is likely masking at school
she is not starting with an empty cup she is stressed/anxious then more comes into her cup and sends her over the top, learn about her struggles and give her permission to talk with you

Try not to get too caught up in worrying about the future. Focus on now and giving her the skills she needs to manage.

Things may not be as you envisage them but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun and enjoy life. At the moment it just takes a lot more planning to try to stop her reaching the point of overwhelm - and even with all the planning in the world it will still happen sometimes!

My daughter is autistic and yes, it sounds like you’re is too. I’d start your journey to a diagnosis asap as it’s a long road with a lot of gatekeeping.

In the meantime, look at:
The Autistic Girls Network online
Eliza Fricker’s books
Naomi Fisher’s webinars
Nurturing Your Autistic Young Person by Cathy Wassell

Also, assess what works. The box was helpful so look into a play tent or wigwam (we have this, filled with cushions/ rugs)

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hoevlig-childrens-tent-80534876/

I have a 6 year old little girl diagnosed with autism since she was 3.
She has some crossover traits with your daughter.
Shes very social but struggles massively with sensory issues. She would happily put herself into a box and stay there.
She hates waiting and could not understand why you wouldn't go out to the car right now .
Meltdowns are explosive and instant however they don't last very long. She has attended OT for a few years now and she and us have learned a lot of strategies.
She was also speech delayed.
Im in Ireland so different system but could you wait for her Assessment through the public system. A private assessment is pricey.

No worries. It's difficult. I know that.

As a girl, she will be masking or bottling it up outide / at school. It all comes out at home. I completely get this. I'm a single parent and get the lot from DD whilst also being Autistic and exhausted myself. But at least we understand each other which is a positive.

Agree with what Sirzy says. Please don't look too far to the future. Just take each day / week as it comes.

I did a parenting course with a local charity (North East Autism society) and it was great as they gave tips on how to deal with certain issues. Again, I felt less alone (although I was the only parent there diagnosed with Autism myself)

Toby Henderson Trust do some great webinars. They are local to me, but I don't think you need to be local to sign up for their online content. I'll pop the link here. There is quite a lot around communication (my DD has selective mutism)

https://www.ttht.co.uk/training-workshops-and-events/webinars/

Please try and get some time out for yourself . Even if it's only 20 mins a day. I also hope your DP understands. I always feel these things end up being Mum's 'burden'