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Is your lifestyle similar to your parents?

78 replies

struggless · 17/08/2024 16:58

As an adult, how does your lifestyle compare to your parents? Is it similar, or is it better or worse in some ways? Is there a significant difference or do you essentially mirror your parents footsteps? Are you more/less comfortable etc

I guess I’m just curious about social mobility. I’m in my 20s but can already see a difference in how things may pan out for me vs my parents.

OP posts:
ChristmasJumpers · 17/08/2024 21:29

My parents worked in low paid "labour" type roles and my dad was always in and put of work as a functioning alcoholic (and their relationship was on and off so sometimes just me and my mum). My husbands upbringing was very similar with his mum working herself to the ground to provide the bare minimum. We both grew up in council housing and DH moved house a lot.
The life we're making for our DC now is much more stable, they will hopefully not even know what a bailiff is. We aim for one holiday a year, we're homeowners and we are both graduates with graduate level careers. We're not rich but we're not worried about paying for the basics either.

Lentilweaver · 17/08/2024 21:30

Way way better. Like most immigrants.
I think my DC will do worse.

Underlig · 17/08/2024 21:30

Worse than my parents’. We are late 50s/early 60s. Our 20-something children still live at home. We work full time. Our earnings have not kept pace with inflation. We have limited pensions to speak of. Both DH and I have cancer. At our ages, my dad had retired on a final salary pension, which is more than my full-time earnings, my mum hadn’t ever really worked, their children had fled the nest. They enjoyed their hobbies and had holidays and were fit and well.

Clingfilm · 17/08/2024 21:35

Much better off, parents v working class, factory workers, scrimped and saved. Did manage to buy their own house eventually but worked so, so hard.
Dh and I have 'office jobs', fewer children and general broader outlook and experiences than they ever had.

stargirl1701 · 17/08/2024 21:40

Broadly similar, I'd say.

There are differences. They had dinner parties most Saturday evenings and went out for dinner most Friday evenings. We don't really do that as we don't have baby-sitters and would far rather host a BBQ than a formal dinner party.

My first decade was spent in various countries due to my Dad's job. My DC have only lived in one place. My DC are rarely on aeroplanes due to environmental concerns. I flew multiple times a year as a child. My DC have had far more UK based holidays than I had.

DH's parents were farmers and he is not. He still works in agriculture as an agronomist but it's not the 365 days a year type of job that beef and sheep farming was for PILs. DH didn't grow up with central heating but an AGA and open fires.

I probably buy far more things second hand than my Mum did. Most of my DC's clothes and toys and books have been bought second-hand. Again, due to environmental concerns.

EmeraldDreams73 · 17/08/2024 21:52

My parents are now 76 and 85 and have always had much more financial security than me, at least since I've been adult/aware. My mum didn't work until my younger brother was at secondary school and then only part time. Dad was an engineer, not well paid but secure, and they inherited money with which they bought an investment flat to improve their income in retirement (the pension Dad paid into for years was lost - bastards, so they should be even better off than they are, but their quality of life is excellent. I've always worked full time and only took a couple of weeks fully off work for each child (self employed for the majority) and don't have a pension as I've never earned enough to pay into it. I worked in my xh's business for 20 odd years and did my own work on the side so clearly backing the wrong horse at 21 did a lot of damage, had I gone a different route I'm sure I'd feel I've done better in life.

Parents own their home and so do I, though mine is much smaller and has a small mortgage. They don't travel and neither do I, but they do have a decent car, savings, disposable income and my mum has always bought clothes/things for the house new, whereas I manage much more month to month, run old cars imto the ground and juggle credit cards for unexpected expenses. I've always bought clothes etc secondhand and still do. I consider myself very lucky compared to many because I have my little house, albeit perennially unfinished, but my mum in particular is always telling me she wishes my life was "easier" because I "should be in a much better position at my age" (51). She just wants me to have an easy life but it does bring me down, I just shut it down every time. I say it's a different world now, we're in different situations too (I'm divorced for a start), we have what we need and we're v lucky etc. Certainly the 20-30 years of retirement and financial security they've had will not happen for us unless something very dramatic changes. We shall see!
.

Icanwalkintheroom · 17/08/2024 22:03

Very similar in many ways but our income doesn’t go as far / they were able to accumulate
more wealth in property & pensions than we have / will. We are only able to have the lifestyle we do because of intergenerational wealth.

catscalledbeanz · 17/08/2024 22:54

I have a better standard of living than my parents. Hard work achieved that.
My siblings however live as my parents did. Debt, poverty and disdain for the successful.

However my husbands parents, with similar jobs and money to dh and I- they have a standard of living I'll never afford.

The middle class thirty to forty years ago had great pensions, disposable income, homes on one salary- that dh and I can't emulate nor ever afford/ achieve. They have three houses to our one. They holidayed twice or thrice a year. They have final salary pensions. And they retired at 55! 30+ years of retirement! I don't begrudge them any of this. But I am sad that we won't have it.

CubistViolin · 17/08/2024 23:06

No. My parents both left school at 13 and worked their whole lives in ill-paid physically-demanding jobs. We were very, very poor when I was growing up, living with extended family in an overcrowded house with an outdoor loo, and my parents had far too many children for their income. I got scholarships to university, have a professional career, and, after years abroad, live in a traditionally wealthy part of my home city. My parents hate it. I think they would have preferred my life to have been like theirs.

DancingNotDrowning · 17/08/2024 23:15

Interesting question.

I’m better off financially but they had an easier way of life: dad worked 9-5; mum part time; second home that they were able to use regularly etc

sweetkitty · 17/08/2024 23:15

Much, much better off than my parents due to going to university and working hard.

I grew up on a rough council estate, no one in my family had ever stayed on at school past 16. My mother never worked and my father was in and out of work, we lived very hand to mouth, scrapping by.

My DC are middle class, we live in a 5 bed house with 2 new cars, we have two holidays abroad every year. But more importantly than the material things, I feel we are just better at parenting in that we spend time with our DC, care about their happiness, their education etc. My parents never really bothered with me (maybe it was the times). We never went on days out, holidays, to restaurants, after school clubs etc, we played in the street that was it, adults ignored us.

Neodymium · 17/08/2024 23:28

Very similar. Maybe slightly better off. Parents owned own home and my sister and I went to private school. Holidays were typically local, camping ect. Only went overseas once.
we own our home and 3 kids at private school. Typically go overseas every second year or more as well as local camping holidays ect.

dh earns similar in todays money to my dad but I earn far more than my mum - she worked part time retail jobs whereas I work full time in a professional job. Think that’s the difference.

oneseal · 17/08/2024 23:45

Not similar at all. They grew up abroad and were poor when I was growing up, amd had simple interests - very local, mostly free activities, and we never went on holiday as children. They had 4 dc and had to work long hours and never interacted much with us. They raised us in an overcrowded council flat which they bought under rtb, and they now own outright a house in outer London. They claim pension credit now and are content on that income as they spend their time gardening or visiting friends, they don't spend much money but don't struggle to pay bills.

I'm wealthy now, due to my own investing and DH's career. We have a very comfortable lifestyle with dcs in private school, a 4 bed London house and several holidays abroad a year. We take our dcs out to expensive cultural events a few times a month, and they do music, dance and sports. So lots of social mobility here, although my siblings are not in the same position (one is on a low income in a rented council flat, one is quite well off and has no dcs, one is on an average income but that's a bit of a struggle in London).

ForGreyKoala · 18/08/2024 00:08

In some ways it is different - I rent, both my parents owned (divorced), and they were more social and out and about than me, especially my DF. However, in terms of how we live I would say much the same.

Penguinsa · 18/08/2024 00:25

Definitely a lot of social mobility in terms of university, jobs, travel, money here which hope kids will continue. Suspect girl will, boy won't. But that's the same, my brothers have very similar lives to my parents.

Ponderingwindow · 18/08/2024 00:33

We live very similarly to our parents did on a day to day basis. We aren’t really bothered by living a high end life. We live in a modest home, basic furniture, and shop at the same types of clothing stores. The reality though is that we are much better off than they were. We are able to splurge on the few things that do matter to us. DH and I both have expensive hobbies (not secrets because I hate when people pretend hobbies are outing, DH is into high end tech and I buy ridiculous art supplies and equipment). We are able to provide experiences for DC that I were only fantasies for me growing up. Basically our financial situation changed, but not really our values around money.

MissingMoominMamma · 18/08/2024 00:35

Very similar in terms of interests and home life.

We work much longer hours than they did though.

tinklingchimes · 18/08/2024 00:49

We are better off than my parents. My parents had low income, we went to university and have been able to get a higher income. We will be better off when we get to retirement as we are saving for this. My parents haven't saved for this and have very little.

We are not better off than my PIL who are almost a generation older than my parents, skilled workers and had property investments when it was still cheap. My FIL's job came with a pension of it's own.

ViciousCurrentBun · 18/08/2024 00:51

My Father was an immigrant in the early 1960’s, my Mother was on stage when she was young. Financially I am far better off than them and have a much better lifestyle though my Mother had such an unusual and exciting career when young. I have also only lived in this country though they both lived in other continents when young, my Mother was born in England though.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 18/08/2024 01:58

My DM was able to comfortably buy her council house working in admin on her own, have holidays abroad, had me young so had less responsibility at my age, no caring responsibilities for older family members and had a degree but no debt thanks to grants. DH and I struggle to pay mortgage on 2 salaries, no holidays abroad, still looking after DC and elderly relatives, never did university. Our lifestyles are closer to that of my grandparents!

BrieHugger · 18/08/2024 02:08

My mum and dad were together but very different - she preferred dinner parties and more formal events, he was happiest with his friends and a good wine. Both very very sociable, separately and as a couple.

We are more like dad - mates round the kitchen table, barbecues, walk and beer garden, casual and more spontaneous.

In terms of money we’re about the same as they were at this life stage. But they struck very lucky with property and investments, and ended up far wealthier than we will ever be!

CorporaINobbyNobbs · 18/08/2024 05:47

newleafontheplantjohn · 17/08/2024 21:19

That's funny, I just posted something similar to you but from different viewpoint....stating that I would like to be able to provide my children the safety net of being able to pursue more creative careers. But now see your post saying the same thing but how it didn't necessarily work out.

It's a tough one, isn't it. People can do things with the best of intentions but it's no guarantee of a good outcome.

Well I don’t think that it didn’t necessarily work out, my friends still have happy and successful lives and enough money to live on (and probably enjoy their jobs more than I do!) - I more meant that because their parents had some money (doctors etc) that they now aren’t as financially well off compared to them. But they’ll likely get inheritance etc.

I think you are doing the right thing! I would have loved to have more freedom in choosing my career.

SallyWD · 18/08/2024 06:51

We were poor growing up. All our clothes were from jumble sales. Sometimes we had limited food. Other times were OK and we had holidays (even a couple abroad) but it took lots of saving and sacrifice.
In contrast my life now with my husband and kids is more comfortable. We don't currently worry about money and my children have what they need. They travel a lot.
However money aside, I think I'm raising my kids in a similar way to how I was raised. Lots of national trust properties and long walks in nature. I share the same values that my parents had.

mitogoshi · 18/08/2024 06:52

My lifestyle has been more comfortable than my parents and my dc better than mine

ChefsKisser · 18/08/2024 06:54

Quite different- we are in professional jobs as were they but my parents had a cleaner twice weekly, live in nanny, mum worked part time and we went skiing yearly. Sadly we have none of those things haha! I am 33 so battered by house prices and nursery fees.

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