Aren’t tantrums normal?

[vodafffone]

Stumbled on a tweet a dad explaining their babysitter cancelled so they took their 2yo to the fancy restaurant with them, explained about the tantrums the toddler had

some replies state “oh you need to be firm that why she’s having tantrums” etc

But doesn’t even being firm cause them? I was in a shop with my 2.5yo the other day. He demanded a £40 fire fighter/engine set. I said that’s nice let’s ask Father Christmas for that this year

he had a meltdown
said no
refused to put it back

i had to abandon my shopping and just leave. And be firm with him. He calmed down after 5 mins or so but me being firm and saying no caused that tantrum? So it surely is just the fact tantrums are normal across the board of toddlers😂

please correct if I’m wrong or give me any parenting tips I need

they are normal.

being firm doesn't 'cause' them, the toddler being emotionally unable to cope with big feelings causes them, and as a parent, its our job to help them through them.

he didn't have a meltdown, he had a tantrum.
well, i'll edit to clarify. If the 'meltdown' would stop by you doing what the toddler wants, then it isn't a 'meltdown' its a Tantrum.

Sorry just seen I wrote meltdown I did mean tantrum because it was a case of he wanted the toy I said no, big reaction etc

i did mean to write tantrum* consistently ! X

I think they are normal for some children and if you aren’t a parent to that kind of child, it’s hard to understand.

I have one who could tantrum about anything as well as a couple of others who never really have. If I only had the two, I’d be in that bracket of not really understanding them as well.

I think they are normal but not all kids do it (my 2 rarely did)
Like sleeping I suspect it’s luck of the draw!
Distraction was how I dealt with them

I saw that very same post OP. I think the dad had written in the comments '2 year old with anger management issues' which obviously was meant to be tongue in cheek but people took it literally and have started giving advice on child anger management. Tantrums are completely normal, and they can go on for longer than you'd expect, it's not just two and three year olds who tantrum.

And are meltdowns normal too?

Crying because wants yoghurt… gives yoghurt… crying and doesn’t want yoghurt…. Cry cry cry… finally distract with cat bird in garden or something…. ‘You want yoghurt?’… yeah happy again. 😵‍💫

They are normal. They're a way of an emotionally immature child attempting to communicate they're not happy about something. You're absolutely right OP that being firm doesn't help - actually it might cause a tantrum! That doesn't mean we shouldn't be firm- children need boundaries. If I gave into everything my 2 yo wanted, he'd have no need to tantrum. He tantrums because I've said no to something. That doesn't mean I should always give in! Overly permissive parenting is, in the long run, not helping to teach a child right from wrong, not ok to grab stuff in shops, not ok to watch TV all day etc.
At the same time we need to appreciate what having a tantrum feels like for the toddler and not get cross with them. They can't communicate any other way yet. We need to model good communication and gradually with age and patience they'll learn.

The issue would be if you responded to your child’s tantrum by buying them the toy you initially said no to, or giving them an alternative like ice cream to cheer them up, or even worse - shouting at them and getting in a bad mood yourself. You were firm but kind and that should prevent tantrums continuing and getting worse in the later years. You have to ride the storm to come through the other side.

quite fitting I wrote this! Afternoon out ending in a tantrum because he wanted another fruit shoot (we allow 1 every other weekend) and wanted to stay but the place was closing

let him ride it out let him know I was there and then he’s calm he’s gave me a hug and a kiss

Its hard because near the end of the tantrum I got why it was he can’t express it though

he also has a speech delay so can’t really say much which adds to it

its best we all be there as parents for eachother. Some people can be a bit judgy which is hard if you have a kid who does have more tantrums for example or doesn’t sleep through etc