21 & 17 yr old - how much booze on holiday?

[EatingRipeCamembert]

We're on holiday for 18 nights. We did a huge supermarket shop on day one, bought in a lot of beer and some wine.

The last two nights DH has cracked open a beer while cooking, sons have done the same. Drinking carries on until and through dinner. Then DH stops, but sons have carried on helping themselves and we're through a lot more booze than we thought we'd be!

I made a comment last night that we don't have the budget to carry on like that and we'll need some dry days.

My problem is that DH doesn't want dry days, he wants to drink when he wants on holiday.

What's the right thing to do in this situation? Both DH and I want the boys to enjoy themselves and feel relaxed, I don't want to nag, but at the same time we obviously need to set some rules around alcohol consumption.

I barely drink (one or none per evening) and feel very uncomfortable about allowing a heavy drinking culture to grow in the family. But my eldest son is an adult, and I'd like both sons to feel that holidays with parents are fun, relaxed and non judgmental.

Do we tell them an allowed amount per evening? Or let them have free reign but have drinking nights and dry days? Buy an amount each that they're in charge of rationing?

It feels uncomfortable as I'd never tell them they can't eat what's in the cupboards!

Fair enough for the 17 year old, but does he have an allowance? Surely asking him to contribute isn't so bad?
And for the 21 year old, there's a huge difference between expecting him to share a quartet of the cost of the holiday (self funded) and asking for a contribution to the bar bill!

Dont buy any alcohol at all. Let them go buy it if they want it. DH included.

we still have 2 adult children (20 and 22 year olds) living at home, if they want to come on holiday with us we will pay for the actual holiday but they need their own spending money and are expected to pay for rounds of drinks on holiday or drink for the apartment.

if they don’t have their own money then it would be a couple of beers each night and that would be it.

I drink less on holiday than I would like as I don't want to set a poor example for my teen. He has been allowed two drinks on about 3 nights of a week long holiday. However it's hard when your dh has a different attitude, and is normalising drinking

I agree with you OP - find it mildly concerning your DH has said he doesn't want a single day in 18 where he doesn't drink (even if it's one beer) and think that's not a great example for your kids.

Honestly, I wouldn't say anything. Let them drink and when it's gone they go and buy more and pay for it. If they want it. It's not something you need to think or plan for.

I would limit the 17 year old to a couple of beers but the 21 year old is an adult and I’d leave him to it unless the drinking got ridiculous and he was getting blind drunk.

Yes, surely this is like anything - DC know they can eat or drink but they have to leave the "agreed" amount for meals etc. So there's x amount of beer and your DH expects to be able to enjoy two cans a night, and as you (you and him) are paying, that's inviolate. The boys are welcome to the rest, but if they want more, they pay for it themselves.

We were always welcome to wine/beer as teens and in our 20s when with our parents, but with the unwritten understanding we weren't slugging it back. if we wanted to get drunk, that was on our own dime.

I’d be concerned about the 17 year old’s drinking. I think wine/beer every evening for is too much at that age and normalising excessive drinking which is not healthy. Your DH’s insistence that he doesn’t want a single dry day over the course of 18 days is a bit troubling especially given his family’s history of alcoholism.

I’m 4 days into a holiday and need a break after 3 evenings drinking 1-2 glasses of wine. I can’t fathom drinking every single evening for almost 3 weeks.

Some of the posts on here make me feel like an alcoholic. You would probably be shocked at my holiday drinking! But then when we are back to work, it is no drink at all on work nights for either DH or me so I really don't consider it a problem.

Once you add that an uncle literally died of alcoholism in his 40s, I’d be much harder line on alcohol. I’d tell both kids I wanted them to make it to 50 and we were going to model responsible consumption of alcohol even when on holiday and if i had your dh I’d probably be in counselling, since he seems indifferent to if his kids grow up with a shortened life expectancy.

Surely at their age they expect to buy their own treats, especially as you are paying for 18 nights accommodation, all food and have already bought loads of booze that they have guzzled their way through. I’ve got a 19 and a 21yo who I still pay for if they come on holiday and I still pay for food and would treat them to the odd drink but I wouldn’t buy up an off license for them to “relax” any more than I would buy as many haribo as they could wolf down when they were 6. Isn’t your 21 yo embarrassed that he’s chugged all the beer his mum and dad have bought without once offering to put his hand in his pocket?
I wouldn’t let a 17yo have more than one beer a day personally, if I was in an 18 day drinking marathon situation, but my dad died of alcoholism when I was 14 and it’s not a past I’d want repeating.

If I invited my 21 yo adult child on holiday I would still expect them to bring some spending money even if I was paying for the holiday itself. How nice that they'd only come if you paid 😳

In all honesty you can't tell your 21 yo what they can or can't drink, obv you can refuse to buy it. I couldn't get worked up about a 17 yo drinking on holiday.

That's a massive drip feel in your 2nd post, your first post was something totally different then you seemed to drop in re your DHs brother when everyone said opposite to what you expected.

We are relaxed about drinking in our house but if we are on hols our DSs have a drink but don't go crazy, probably because its not a big deal or forbidden etc.

I think it depends how much they're drinking; is it 4-5 beers (assuming 330ml cans or bottles, not pints) each per night, which seems a lot to you as a light/non-drinker but isn't especially excessive for young Men on a holiday, or is it a dozen each and they're falling over, throwing up, not getting up the next day?

If the former then I couldn't get upset about it as long as it's not something they're doing daily at home. I'd expect the 21 year old to be contributing to the booze kitty, but appreciate it's hard to ask him and not the 17 year old despite them both drinking.

To the PP who said it must be boring for OP watching them drink, I'd argue that it may be fairly boring for two teens / young adults to sit in an Airbnb with their parents for 18 holiday nights on the run. No offence meant OP, nothing personal.

I’d probably try to be pretty relaxed and generous - thinking about the fact that my kids don’t have to choose to come on hols with me…… (unless we are talking about genuinely dangerous drinking)