WWYD! To take a risk and move close to family or stay for job security?

[ellabellaaaa]

Hello everyone!

For the past couple of years, myself (33, F) and DH (34, M) have been actively considering moving closer to family. We live over 300 miles away from our family and good friends. Despite living in a lovely place with great jobs, the distance and loneliness have been really getting to us. Almost every day we talk about moving, and feel like our lives are on hold (we pulled out of buying our dream house here last year and have delayed TTC).

Job opportunities are very few and far between close to family. After looking for a year, I have recently been offered a new job in a public sector organisation that is home-based. The job is v different to my current Civil Service role and seems like it will be much more challenging, but pays the same. The new role has fewer workplace benefits (aside from home working, it will be no flexi time, worse pension, less secure with a small chance of compulsory redundancies) and, following the job offer, the organisation received some negative press in the news (labelled as “failing” by the new labour gov). I know that a large proportion of the workforce are currently on sick leave due to stress and stress was the reason the previous person in the role left. The new chief exec has said that they are looking to address these issues though.

I’m really torn on what to do. It’s taken a year to find a home-based role that would allow a move closer to family, and I know this might be our only opportunity to move prior to having children (we’re not getting any younger 🙈). However, I’m seriously concerned (terrified!) about leaving a great job that I enjoy and know well for so much uncertainty.

The stress of the situation is really getting to me and I need to make a decision this weekend to accept or decline the job offer.

WWYD? Thanks 😔

Sorry for the long post. The TDLR version is:

Myself and my husband want to move closer to family after years of living 300 miles away. After a year of looking, I have been offered a new job that pays the same as my current rol but is more insecure and more challenging.

Would you take the job or stay put?

I'd take the job and start looking for another locally if I felt confident I'd be able to find something.

Is this organisation the CQC? If so I would take the job as it may widen your horizons for different sectors/job opportunities within and outside the organisation which may open doors for you closer to your new home?

I'd stick with my current job. Just because you live near family doesn't mean that you get that much time with them.

I'd take the job and move. I'd then consider part time once baby arrives or look for something else once in the role. Having kids near family and friends as support is priceless

It is, I wondered if the reference to recent media attention would be a give away 🙂 I think the job could be interesting but the criticism of the CQC and cultural issues within the organisation have given me pause for thought. Hard to know what it’s actually like working there, and where the organisation will be in over the coming months/years

@ellabellaaaa haha, only because I'm in the medical field myself. I think these things often go on cycles, a little bit like the awful (and possibly not comparable) press that Ofsted got recently. I work in quality improvement but on a local Trust level, scrutiny and support can only make things better once issues have been identified. If the actual job role isn't under threat, then I wouldn't worry about job security as any plans to completely disband the CQC would take years to implement. Personally, my loyalties lie with family and I would prefer to live closer to them if I were in your shoes however I also had to move away (only an hour!) for work commitments.

@USaYwHatNow Thank you! That’s very reassuring, I actually hadn’t realised that Ofsted had received some criticism. I’m not sure how much risk there is of CQC being disbanded (but it is one of my many fears!) - you’d think England would need a health and social care regulator in some form, but I guess it all depends on how things go with making improvements over the next couple of years. It sounds like the transformation has been pretty bad for staff retention and morale over the past couple of years. Hopefully it’s a case of things can only get better 🤞🏻

Take the job and move, especially if you plan to start a family.

Thanks everyone for your replies! It seems like the consensus is to go for it (eek!!)

Still not reached a decision! Bumping this thread in cae anyone else has any other perspectives to add ☺️ Thanks again to everyone who commented

I would move closer to family esp if you plan to have kids.
You can always find another job if that ones doesn’t work out. I wouldn’t put your life on hold for a job.

Have you spoken to your current employer about working from home in that role? In 2019 (I.e. before wfh was made such a common thing because of covid) I negotiated keeping my public sector job and moving 300 miles away back to my home town - the agreement was that I'd come to the office about once a month or so but my manager was luckily very relaxed about how I made this work (I covered travel expenses which was expensive but worth it overall financially as I was keeping a London salary and moving to a much cheaper area of the country). I didn't expect my employer to agree to it, no-one was regularly doing much wfh at that point but now it's so normalised. I know lots of civil service are mandating 50% in the office but is there an option for a formal flexible working request which would mean permanent wfh?
I agree that family and close friend support is really important when starting a family but would be wary of leaving a good job that I enjoy for one where the previous person left with stress. Good luck whatever you decide, things will work out!

I would take the job and move closer to family. We have a young family (4year old and 1 yrar old) and family live 100 miles away. It is really taking its toll being so far away from any support network. My partner and I literally never have time away from the children to spend time together. We live in a vibrant city but never go out as a couple so what is the point?! After a week visiting them I am certain I want to move 'home'. It was so lovely to have my sister popping in for a cuppa, my aunty taking my daughter for a walk and see my dad building a stronger relationship with the baby. We are both in secure jobs here and jobs are scarce back home but honestly family support is my greater need right now. Good luck with whatever decision you make

Move closer to family, especially if they are nice and supportive, it's been the saviour of my career over the years, plus I just like hanging out with them.

Having read threads like this before, don't expect family and friends to necessarily help out with child care or even care about your children if you are hoping for that in the future. I've read on MN of people moving home hoping for help with kids and for the children to be closer to grandparents and the grandparents not being interested.just wanted to make you aware.

You want to move nearer family but realistically how much tome will you spend with them? I live in a different country to mine and I honestly think I probably see them more now than I did when I was nearer.

The reality is they have their own lives and friends so don't look to them to fill in gaps

If you have lived in your current place for years how is it that you have no friends?
Personally I’d stay put. I have friends who moved to be closer to family, or just because they loved the place but without job security and they really regret it. Living on the breadline whilst one or the other struggles to find work is not fun and it’s not a great environment to bring up kids.

Speaking as someone who lives a distance from family I would recommend cultivating your own ‘village’ I have friends with kids to hang out with, who will grab my kids from school if I’m running late. I made a huge effort to make friends and meet people when the kids were small and it’s paid off. I’d never move back ‘home’ now. This is my home, my friends are here, my support system is here. Our whole lives are here. Family doesn’t have to be those related to you

I've brought up my kids near family- siblings and parents nearby and we see a lot of each other. There's usually someone who can cover childcare/ cooking/ lifts at times of illness, injury, busy work periods. We help each other out massively. It's a trade so I try to do as much for them as they do for me, so in a sense life is fuller and busier than it would have been if we'd been further away from the family. Sometimes it's overwhelming and hard to keep boundaries but it's more flexible and friendlier than going it alone with young kids. The cousins are close and do each other a lot of good overall too.

I'd vote for the move good luck

Coming from an ex inspector I would avoid at all costs until they have addressed the current issues. I left September 2023.

If the only thing holding you into your current job is security, rather than being dream job/company, then I'd take the new job and once moved, put all focus on a new plan of action for work for both of you.
See this new job as the stepping stone to get you to the location and quality of life you want. And remember that in the stressful times that seem to be a real potential in the new work environment, it's temporary as long as you don't see yourself as having to be loyal to your new employer. Just do what you need to get you where you what to be (location wise) and then figure out the rest.
As much as there are negatives in the job itself, if you see it as a stepping stone, it's actually an amazing opportunity! Good luck 😊

Thank you so much everyone. All your comments have honestly been so helpful. Myself and DH have decided to make the move. Our parents aren’t getting any younger and even if it turns out that we can’t have children or they aren’t as helpful as we’d hoped, we both feel that we’d look back and regret not spending more time with them while they’re fit and healthy. I still have apprehensions about the new job, but as @CC222 says, I’m trying to see it as a good stepping stone. One development since I first posted is my current employer has offered me the opportunity to work remotely similar to what @UsernameShmusername2024 suggested. It wouldn’t be a forever solution but I think I could do it for a couple of years. Currently considering what to do as I need to make a decision tomorrow. The new job might offer a longer solution due to the home working contract but only if the job turned out to be ok.

@JZZ92 Thanks so much for replying. Would you say the issues in CQC are widespread across the organisation or affecting inspectors only? I know that restructure caused a lot of issues including in loss of staff. The people survey results for the organisation aren’t great.

@CC222 Thank you ☺️ I would say that my current job is pretty perfect in terms off role/pay/company but the huge downside is the distance to family, which means I only get to see them a handful of times a year. As I’ve got only, I’m starting to realise they’re not going to be around forever 😔

@Gymmum82 Thanks for posting, it’s actually really nice to hear from somebody who has raised kids away from family and thrived doing so. When I say no friends, what I really mean is no super close friends. We have lots of lovely work colleagues and our neighbours are great, plus DH has met friendly people that he sees weekly at sports clubs. But … I’m not sure any of those people would want to be involved in any future children’s lives in the same way that our families and best friends at home would. Maybe that’d change if we stayed where we are, had kids and met other parents but it’s just so difficult to know