Asking advice for my friend

[lovemyboyz247]

Her son was offered an apprenticeship after his A levels (subject to grades) unfortunately he didn't get the grades required.

Unfortunately during his exam period there was a domestic violence incident in their home. His mum was hospitalised and dad was arrested. Although this was reported to his school at the time, it wasn't reported to the exam boards. His grades are way below the predicted grades he had been expected to get.

He has uploaded his grades to a portal together with a statement from himself explaining the situation and has given his school as a reference point in case they want to verify his statement.

He has sent these details to different sections to the company when they have asked for them and now is waiting for the outcome.

Both my friend and her son are extremely anxious about the outcome and the possibility that he will be rejected by the company. He has not received any university places either so if he doesn't get this, then he will have to apply for other jobs, which he doesn't mind doing, but has his heart set on this particular position.

Does anyone know if a company would withdraw an offer of employment even in these difficult circumstances that this poor boy has already suffered? Or would they make allowances for circumstances like this?

I don't work for a company that offer apprenticeships so am not familiar with the specifics and how lenient they can be. Any experiences or advice would be great.

Anyone?

He should have asked the school to submit evidence of exceptional circumstances to be taken into consideration when sitting the exams. I don't know if this can be done retrospectively.

Does anyone know if a company would withdraw an offer of employment

Yes, they would, if the grades weren’t met.

What did he need and what grades did he get?

The employer has released the vacancy with a certain criteria of qualifications. If he doesn't have this then it wouldn't be fair for them to include him now at this stage.
The school should have provided this evidence before he tried to apply.
I think it's almost out of the employers hands now as they're not obliged to accept people who don't meet the grades.
I guess it's worth a try to ask them.
But rejection will happen in the quest for your dream job. Sadly that's just life. If he doesn't get this one, I hope it doesn't stop his motivation.

Exam boards don't give much allowance for things. I think 5% is the maximum they give-at any rate that's what my friend's ds got given when his mum died the night before.
There is now (not then) the option of not doing a paper and the average of the other ones being taken instead.

Thank you. I will pass this on to her.

The offer was given to him before he sat the exams and the incident took place in the period of the exams, so with everything going on, I think he wasn't thinking that far ahead.

He's a top kid and I know how traumatic this incident has been so I hope the company show some compassion. At the same time I know they don't owe him anything either

I've shared what has been written here and my friend is very upset and her son is absolutely devastated at the thought of losing his offer. Even though he has been quite mature about it and said he understands the company doesn't owe him anything.

I know that no company owes anyone anything, but in a society where we are always talking about 'mental health' us as humans can be quite cruel sometimes

Does he have a phone number for someone he could speak to?
You may find that him speaking g directly gets a better reception.

I hope it all works out for him OP. He deserves to be given the shot in these circumstances.

Hope mum and son are safe x

He might be better speaking directly to the company but his mum mustn't do it for him or speak to them at all.

No she won't do it as he won't let her and he is mature enough to know that this is very much his problem and if it doesn't work out then that's life. He has said that himself already. It's just a waiting game now.

Since his study leave, he's had a hard and horrible time. I just feel bad that four months ago, he was a teen doing normal teen things and now he feels like his home and work life have been turned upside down. He's not even 18 yet. I know there's children out there in a worse situation than him, but for the moment he feels he's at rock bottom

My friend has contacted me again in a distressed state and said her son has deemed himself a failure and said how he feels it would be better that he kills himself.

I have said I will go to see them this weekend and I will talk to her son then too, but in the meantime I want to suggest some alternatives that he can apply to so he feels like there is hope for him.

I have suggested the government apprentices website and there is the UCAS one too. Does anyone know of anything else he can look at?

He didn't do well in his A levels, so should he apply to apprenticeships at GCSE level? Or can he apply for a higher level apprenticeship even though his grades weren't good?

Any help would be appreciated

Can anyone with experience in field help with this?

What A levels did he need and what did he get, @lovemyboyz247 ?

He needed 3 B's. Got 3 D's. He was predicted ABB so his family situation has seemed to have a massive affect on his exam performance.

He doesn't think he will get into any apprenticeships with those grades and can't face going to university as he's worried about leaving his mum and young siblings (he's the oldest)

With those grades, I’d suggest he stays at home and resits his A levels.

Thank you for replying.

He's had a massive knock in confidence and the way he is feeling I don't think he can resit them. He really seems to be very depressed right now and can't see a way forward

Is there not any office apprenticeships that would allow him to join based on his GCSEs? He got good grades in them as none of the problems had happened then.

I have checked for other posts about apprenticeships and some are very helpful, but the students all seem to have good grades to start with which has made it easier for them to apply.

Apprenticeships aren’t as commonplace as they used to be and degree apprentices can be very sought-after as they are a much cheaper way for students to get a degree! These can command very high grades.

If he doesn’t want to resit, then I guess it’s job hunting. Look at Indeed and sites like that, maybe for office work.

I would encourage him not to see this as a failure. It’s a bump in the road and probably a welcome redirection. He needs to take care of himself and his mental health (and hopefully his mum is making sure he now has a healthy home environment). If he doesn’t get the apprenticeship, see it as an opportunity to explore something new he might not otherwise have done. A new volunteer position he wouldn’t have taken? Pick up some work working in a pub to save money and go off travelling? See what opportunities there are for studying a qualification he hadn’t considered?

When I was his age, I just walked out of school and didn’t finish. I eventually got into uni and it wasn’t the right fit for me and I dropped out of there too. I moved home, got a job in a cafe, reapplied to a local uni in a new course. Fast forward a decade, I got my PhD and walked into a wonderful career. Sometimes the things that make us feel like we are losing our way are actually helping us find a new path. I’m very grateful looking back that none of those things I thought I wanted so desperately worked out. I never would have the life I have now. There is always another door that can open when one closes, but he must take care of himself. That’s more important than any apprenticeship.

I have no idea what options may be available to him, but wonder whether he can connect with others who have not made their expected grades- to normalise it and stop feeling like it’s ‘game over’.l?

is there a chat room/Facebook group etc, for support, that’s frequented by his peers in the same situation ? They’ll maybe have more chance of giving advice and ideas that are up to date and will pique his interest, and greater than this they will make him realise, it happens to lots of kids. This will enable him to breathe before deciding on his next step.

if such a thing doesn’t exist, then maybe it might be good for his mental health to start a support page? His next step may spring from this?

OP I'm so sorry and I agree with you that for all the talk about mental health (and DV) humans can be cruel, and it's depressing there's still far too little understanding and support for victims (which includes child witnesses) especially after they're physically safe.

I saw your post and remembered seeing "Domestic Abuse Aware Employer" on my water company's website when I was contacting their customer services about a bill. I don't know what that entails in practice but I wonder if the company that offered him an apprenticeship is signed up to the scheme? If so, maybe they'd give him a chance if he contacts them and explains the extentuating circumstances and asks if they'd accept his predicted grades and a supporting letter from the school?

If that particular company isn't signed up to the scheme and/or still withdraws the offer perhaps he could find a company that is signed up?

I had a quick Google and found this organisation. It mentions women victims of DV but I wonder if they'd have any advice. I understand children who witness DV are now recognised in law as victims in their own right.

edacuk.org/contact/

This is so sad and concerning! What mental health support does he have for the trauma of living in a violent situation? MIND and Women's Aid websites offer helplines for young people. It's not his fault that so many bad things are happening and he absolutely deserves better...it sounds as if he's punishing himself for the family situation,not just the exam fallout.

Could The Princes Trust resources help with jobs or training? www.princes-trust.org.uk/how-we-can-help

Are there any mentoring programmes near where you are, for young people? Citizens Advice Bureau or a faith group could help. Since his father messed up and he needs a touchstone for wise advice and information-based, sympathetic support.

Does your friend and her DC have any DV support, from a DV organisation and/or social services?

Sadly a lot of services are underfunded so I don't know if it's possible but it might be helpful if he was able to access specialist DV counselling - especially something for children affected by it.

With good support, from a DV organisation or social services and coupled with a counsellor trained in DV, he might feel more able to consider his all options including potentially resitting his exams.

The Princes Trust is a really good shout.

CALM, Papyrus and Togetherall (and maybe even Young Carers) are organisations that may be able to support him in some way. It sounds as if he could do with an independent listener and someone to help him reframe the way he sees the situation.

Your friend sounds quite distressed, and has had a very difficult time herself, of course. It may be the case that her reactions to things going wrong for him aren't helping him to cope or think creatively about what to do. It sounds quite all eggs in one basket.

I hope things look up for them soon. You sound like a brilliant friend to have, OP.

Thank you all so much for your helpful advice. I will certainly share what you have all said here and will make these suggestions to her son.

Good to hear other people's perspectives and I feel positive reading them, so I hope this will give my friend and her son some reassurance that there are options available.

I try to be a good friend as I know how hard things have been for them. This was the first time there was violence in their home and it has shaken the kids and mentally and physically taken its toll on my friend. Authorities have removed their support as they said they don't believe they are in immediate danger anymore, but the psychological scars that this has left behind is obvious to see. I'm just sad they don't have any other support from professionals anymore.

That's why I have reached out to you here as I know the advice here has always helped me