When I was 18, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and social phobia with agoraphobia. At 25 I was diagnosed with autism.
School was horrendous for me as an extremely socially anxious undiagnosed autistic female. But I got through it, somehow, one day at a time.
I worked in a few NMW jobs after and found them equally horrendous. Again, I got through them.
I got though uni, again with difficulty.
Have worked in a professional job for the last few years. Recently went part time due to my struggles, but still finding it all overwhelming.
I have spent almost my entire life shaking with anxiety. I spend my days dreading my next interaction with people. I make sure I get out for a walk every day, but even that is difficult. Merely walking around in public and going to shops makes me feel nervous and uncomfortable. If I have to talk to anyone, like a shop keeper or I see someone from work, or a member of the public speaks to me, i panic and sweat etc. I get behind on medication because I dread making phone calls and having to speak to someone. I don't go to a hairdressers or anything like that.
The stress of being around people at work makes me cry on a daily basis. I am constantly living in fear of people, both my bosses and colleagues. It is unbearable and I feel constantly ill from stress.
I have always pushed on and 'got on with it' as that's what I was brought up to do, no matter how unhappy I was. I've had therapy, CBT etc and take medication and nothing has helped.
I hear about people receiving benefits for anxiety and depression and I wonder if it's for people like me? My social phobia is making my life an utter misery. I dream of ending my life so I don't have to speak to people anymore.